Trying to Take Over the World!

First day of homeschooling

2012-01-09T23:35:00.004-05:00

Today was my 3 yr olds first day of more structured homeschooling. Usually we just play, lounge around or go to the park and I teach him in between. Our school supplies came in on Friday and he was SOOOO excited to get started and even though I told him we would start on Monday it didn't stop him from asking me every 30 minutes if it was Monday yet. The structured thing was not well received but I'll give it some more time since we are still new at this.

I'm basically learning the lessons first and then teaching it to my toddler. I LOVE IT! I am using 'homeschooling' to delve in to all kinds of things I wish I could have done growing up and sharing it with my son. Today we had Arabic and will do it again tomorrow and on Wednesday and Thursday we are doing Spanish. :)

I want to take more pictures but I think I"ll be too busy running around and keeping a 1 year old from destroying my 3 yr old's notebooks and supplies.

Life is Good. Alhamdulillah. Still dealing with some dark stuff but the good is starting to win out. :)

I've Gone MAD!

2012-01-06T12:04:00.002-05:00

I've been away from blogging for a few months and its because I was dealing with a lot. Life catches up with you, things you've neatly tucked away to deal with "later" fester until you HAVE to deal with them. Anyway, the miscarriage that started around this time last year really had a profound affect on me more so than I anticipated or care to admit.
I always considered myself a strong person, someone that can weather the storm and survive relatively unscathed. I survived war, rape, leukemia and abuse long before I was 18. The fact that I SURVIVED those things as a child and they didn't destroy me filled me with a great sense of pride, of being a warrior. My motto back then would have been "never give up, never surrender and never ever admit defeat."
Since the birth of my baby girl in Sept 2010 though my world has not been the same. The positives? I LOVE my baby girl and she is now 15 months old and very attached to me. Her love heals me. The years of repressed memories don't send me in to panic attacks and I am DEALING with things instead of PRETENDING to deal with issues.
The negatives? I've become more vulnerable, my heart is too tender and I cry easily. This may not bother many people but it bothers me. This isn't me. What happened to me? I miss the old me, the one with thick skin and warrior attitude.
Take yesterday for example, I was listening to a live lecture from someone I had never heard about and they (I'm hoping to keep the gender private) seemed very angry and arrogant in their mannerism. Long story short I answered a question that apparently I had no right answering and got a tongue lashing from this person who was apparently very offended that I had the audacity to consider myself a scholar and that they OWNED the site and they OWNED this and they OWNED that. Mind you this would have made me laugh a few years ago because this person was acting like a caricature and I would have brushed it off as some insane egomaniac on the internet and forgotten about it the next second.
Instead this is what happened...I BURST in to tears. *GASP* Full on tears, snot and heavy breathing. I didn't defend myself and I exited out of the live feed but only after listening to about 5 mins of this person going on and on about me and when it was clear they weren't going to stop as they were being encouraged on by their followers. Awesome dawah.
THANK GOD I was only listening and not on the phone or it would have been doubly embarrassing if they had heard me so upset. I felt humiliated and embarrassed. This person's response was so heavy handed and out of proportion to the transgression that I was shell shocked and didn't know what hit me. I got angry and I was angry with myself as well because really, to listen to 5 mins of a stranger giving you a tongue lashing in front of an audience of strangers with a few acquaintances sprinkled in? I used to do that when my mom would start her long rants about how useless and stupid I was but at least then I didn't have a choice. I thought I outgrew that but its so familiar that when I found myself in it again I reverted right back to my old behavior. Self flagellation.
I was so upset but I didn't want to talk to anyone because I was embarrassed and my husband wasn't home. So I made du'a for myself and then included that "teacher" in my du'as as well in the hopes that by making du'a for them my heart would leave the extreme hate I was feeling towards them. It actually worked alhamdulillah. I was feeling better not as humiliated and was slowly detaching myself emotionally from the situation. Then my husband answered the phone and asked me what was wrong and I burst in to tears again, couldn't even communicate properly and all that small progress I had made was out the window.
So since yesterday I've been thinking about my reaction and although I can conveniently "blame" this on that time of the month even THAT is an anomaly for me. I don't PMS, have crazy mood swings and it doesn't alter my personality or ability to cope with things. Now all of a sudden I get back pain and I become a crying baby at a moments notice?
Seriously what the heck is going on?

ps About the "teacher" they were right I shouldn't have answered and although my answer was correct the problem wasn't the answer but that I had no right in answering a question I was not qualified to answer as it would start an avalanche of everyone thinking they can answer a question.

The french taliban

2011-08-04T16:44:00.003-04:00

The Taliban, if a woman was dressed inappropriately, would send a police squad and drag her away to face imprisonment, even as she screamed her innocence.
Thank God, France also learned such progressive and democratic values to implement in their liberal democracy, where freedom reigns for all:

Cheating at Laylatul Qadr

2011-08-04T15:43:00.000-04:00

I am known for trying to streamline things and sometimes that gets me in trouble but when it works its just BEAUTIFUL. Take the following hadith,

I MOVED!

2011-08-02T11:35:00.001-04:00

Alhamdulillah!

I moved to wordpress alhamdulillah, by clicking on any of my previous posts it should for the most part redirect you to my new home. WA SALAAAM

I am leaving BLOGGER

2011-07-28T19:28:00.002-04:00

I want to make some posts private and blogger wont let you so am moving to a hosted wordpress.

but what name should i have? I don't like hijabmaster any more but i want to keep my TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD blog name but its too long for a url.

nah I mean?

any suggestions for a domain name?

Help East Africa....Ange from Mama, I married a Masri

2011-07-28T12:46:00.002-04:00

I am participating in Ange's initiative to donate and bring attention to the famine going on in East Africa. ---> http://3beeta.blogspot.com/2011/07/ramadan-giveaway.html
You can help by:

1. Making du'a
via Anne: Ya ALLAH, please bless the people of Somalia, Kenya, Djibouti, Eritrea, and Ethiopia who are affected by the famine. Please grant them relief, please comfort them and reward them for their suffering, and please let us who are not affected by it step up and help our brothers and sisters in Islam and humanity, Ameen!
2. Donating via your choice of charity or through the chipin below.

3. Raising awareness by blogging about it and copy the code from the chipin and post it on your blog. :D

ATTACK OF THE KILLER NIQABI CYBORGS!

2011-07-27T20:18:00.002-04:00

You're welcome

taken from 22words

Birthday cheer (yaaay!)

2011-07-19T09:40:00.001-04:00

Hubs: aren't you 26?
Me: NOOO! I am 25 until July 19.

Hubs: live up these last 15 days. Because after your 25 everything its downhill like the end part of a roller coaster just keeps on going down really fast until you end up on the ground.

He said that 2 weeks ago. :) what a ray of sunshine he is :) Alhamdulillah.

CRAP!

2011-07-05T13:34:00.001-04:00

LOL, my moniker in Hindi means crap. crap. I am not changing it though.

http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2010/03/why-tuttie.html

am touched! tears

2011-07-02T04:49:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted because I am in EXTREME hustle mode, two days ago I had an idea of how I can fund me attending NicheHero leadership by Shaykh Muhammad Alshareef and I have been trying to make it happen. Alhamdulillah I have raised $804.92 in 24hours!

So I am making CRAZY amounts of du'a and obsessively looking at my amazon and paypal accounts as if by staring at them they will grow (you never know). Well I got a sponsor that shocked me.

Earlier this month I donated to a charity and that same charity just sponsored me for the SAME amount! I donated anonymously so there is very little chance they knew I was the same person but it left me in awe. MashAllah, when I make it big that charity is gonna me it big with me inshaAllah.

UPDATE:

via Halfdate $189 {http://halfdate.com/2011/07/01/revive-halfdate-24-hours-challenge/}

via ads on Halalify: $615.92 {http://halalify.com/sponsor-me-in-24hrs}

I will be taking the train and there is only ONE departing this Sunday at 7:15 AM. TODAY is my last day to raise the remaining $2,142, make du'a people! I NEEDS your du'as more than anything as nothing can occur without the permission of Allah swt.

what was this GENIUS idea you ask? I was willing to make myself a walking billboard by having people buy ads and the imgs/logos/slogans/saying were going to be uploaded to my digital photo frame attached to my book bag. Had to trash that idea because I have the photo frame that needs to be plugged in instead of the portable battery operated ones so now that photo frame will sit NEXT to me during the seminar instead changing imgs aka sponsors every 5 seconds. :D

OH GAWD SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!

2011-06-26T22:07:00.004-04:00

I am in love with chick flicks! There I said. I hate myself for it but I can't stop! I just can't! Even in their corniness and utter improbable scenarios I still watch them. I didn't like them before and I would itch the moment they would go on but now..I SEEK THEM. *GASP* WHAT IS GOING ON?! Is it menopause? but am 25!

Its like I am becoming all the things I DESPISED and MOCKED with a passion...I started wearing pink *gasp* Me, the military tomboy dressing like a girl. Its the end of the world yall! There is no other explanation. NONE.

ps....and my blog is now pink, I bought pink converse for my bint, frilly dresses and other pink stuff. OH DEAR LORD aliens are taking over me!

all second hand...JUST LIKE I LOVE 'EM! The one with the tag was new but I didn't know it at the time.

Du'a Request: Abeerah

2011-06-23T01:59:00.002-04:00

via Tayyaba Beg: "Just moved her [Abeerah] from ER to in a room. Her vitals are not stable without oxygen."

May Allah swt grant her complete shifaa from all that is ailing her. AMEEN

Read their complete story HERE

MPS is a rare, fatal genetic disorder.
Children affected with MPS are missing an enzyme that breaks down strings of a complex body sugar called heparin sulfate. The partially broken down sugar, or muccopolysaccharide, accumulates in the brain and other organs causing progressive damage.

Children with Sanfilippo appear normal at birth and will develop normally for the first year or two, but as more cells become damaged symptoms begin to appear. Eventually the build up of muccopolysaccharides causes hyperactivity, hearing loss, sleep disorders, loss of speech, mental retardation, blindness, dementia, and finally death.

You hear me Hubby!

2011-06-14T14:34:00.001-04:00

Poor, poor Richard....

Why You So Stupid Netflix? (rant)

2011-06-13T11:49:00.002-04:00

I chose you guys because you had a GREAT selection and it saves me a trip to the video store. For some time now I noticed that some movies are available to watch instantly and others not but only AFTER I show interests in them. Take the recent incident, I started my Lord of the Rings marathon and I only got through 1/3rd of the movie when I called it quits and went to bed, the 2nd movie had to be ordered and the third could be watched instantly. I didn't think anything of it until I finished the first movie this morning and discovered BOTH the 2nd and 3rd movie now had to be ordered. That ticks me off. If you are going to interrupt my flow then am jumping ship to a service who doesn't do that. HULU.

It has happened before too when I was watching Monsters Inc multiple times in the week and all of a sudden the next time I tried to watch it was only available via mail. What gives? If this is your attempt for me to keep upgrading to a more expensive plan? if so it didn't work and it has infuriated me. What is the purpose of a program if you can't watch the things you want to watch INSTANTLY when it can be done in other services.

So netflix this is my last month with you. GOOD BYE.

ps, I also put up with your stupid ads that interrupted my internet viewing and those stupid ads you send in your mailings to me. When I signed up to your service I signed up to YOUR VIDEO SERVICE not your mailing list to be pimped to third parties. I am done with you. I can't believe I put up with it this far even though I wanted to leave from the get go

thats the TRUTH

2011-06-12T10:46:00.001-04:00

"if you force me upon your point of view, then be sure that I'm still upon mine."

ps. good to keep in mind for dawah, raising children, dealing with difficult people and just to have a better quality of life. :)

I Screwed Up...BIG

2011-06-05T15:22:00.001-04:00

I stuck my foot so far in my mouth I don't know how to untangle myself. I hurt one of my inlaws by being too frank with them. I thought I was 'keeping it real' but maybe it was just keeping it rude. :(

I spoke to her the way I want someone to speak to me, she was being delusional. My first tactic was to avoid this conversation for MONTHS by sugar coating my words or by just saying "pray istikhara and go with that." She took offense to that and demanded I be real with her and when I was she wont talk to me now. She started coming up with excuses to why we can't get together, stopped answering my calls and right now we are in a class together and is staying far, far, far away. I got the message so I am staying away from her as well, no use forcing myself on someone who clearly doesn't want me around.

My mom told me growing up to never get involved in married people's issues as the next day,they makeup and you end up looking the fool. KNOWING this I decided to get involved and bam I screwed up. Should have continued to sugar coat my words. I am an idiot.

Anyway, now my feelings are hurt because it looks like I am being punished since we have a lot of friends in common and they are giving me their salaams from far but wont come close. They have known her since birth and I only became Muslim 5 yrs ago so I understand their loyalty and don't blame them. Its not even subtle

I am hurt but in a way I guess I deserve it. Should have had more mercy in my speech when I spoke to her. Her reality and what I had to say were a hard pill to swallow and kindness would have gotten me farther.

LESSON LEARNED AND ARCHIVED....

This is gross but am compelled to share....

2011-06-03T10:19:00.003-04:00

Click on the picture to enlarge

LET ME EXPLAIN! When my daughter was a newborn we had a poopy diaper EXPLOSION and while I changed her the above pants got lost in the mess. BIG MESS. So yesterday while I was going through bags of clothes in storage, I found them, cringed and hoped no one else saw them. EWWW. Anyway, that kind of set in stain was going to be hard to remove and I am not keen on clorox, so I used the sun.

The first picture shows the stain after I rubbed water in and scrubbed a little. The second shows after it has been in the sun for about 2-3 hours and the last after almost 6 hrs in the sun. There is still some very minimal staining and I think I will use something like oxyclean (unless I hear is super toxic) to remove the rest. Over all the sun is TOO COOL! mashaAllah. Had the stain been from the same day the sun removes it COMPLETELY subhanaAllah.

I only get sun from sunrise to dhuhr so the pictures have different lighting that I didn't think off until much later so there is a lighting discrepancy.

I know its gross but take in to consideration that I have been sick, the miscarriage and having a newborn as well as toddler things got lost in the mix. GROSS. but it happens.

I ♡ Cloth Diapering

2011-06-02T08:04:00.003-04:00

I LOVE CLOTH DIAPERING! I did it with my son and I continued with my daughter. SubhanaAllah, these diapers have paid for themselves over and over. I've been meaning to make a diaper post including my stash (ITS HUGE!), my system and how I launder them with ease but everything is so cramped that I can't take pics I am satisfied with. Today after fajr I laundered two days worth of diapers and put them out to sun dry (it sanitizes the diapers AND it removes stains without the need of harsh chemicals).

It gives me such a feeling of accomplishment when I see them basking in the sun. Life, how I love thee. Anyone out there share my undying ♡ for cloth diapers? and FLUFFY BUTTS! OMG you can't forget the fluffy butts! I have plenty of pics of my kids in cloth but hubs would be very upset if I post them so I can't. :( They are just too cute for words, mashaAllah.

These two pics aren't soo great as they were taken with my cell phone camera and I was force to edit them.

This pic was SOOO dark that I tried to lighten it and instead it came out like that.

ps. you see that HOT PINK one from the first pic? yeah, I purchased it before my daughter was born and my son was a newborn...and yes he wore them until he was 6 months old and hubs made me stop. NO ONE KNEW though so it was all good. I also gave them away to a friend when she started cloth diapering and when she was done she gave them back to me, so these diapers are workhorses. Now I am using them on my daughter and when she is done I will put them away for the next kiddo if Allah swt blesses me with them. inshaAllah.

SAVING THE WORLD! ONE FLUFFY BUTT AT A TIME!

Chasing Jannah: "Um, sorry. I don't want to marry you afterall..." and a Few Other Issues Concerning a Potential Muslim Husband

2011-05-28T00:49:00.002-04:00

Chasing Jannah: "Um, sorry. I don't want to marry you afterall..." and a Few Other Issues Concerning a Potential Muslim Husband

This post really set me off. HOW RUDE! I can't believe a man would try to get someone to marry him by reminding the woman how unfortunate she is and because she is a divorcee she should accept him. His offer? She needs to give up her rights for maintenance and mahr but he has all of his full rights...

RIGHT!

Women aren't cars that depreciate in value once you take it out of the lot and in to your home! COME ON!

AWW, shucks

2011-05-27T21:51:00.002-04:00

I got my packet of seeds in the mail! too cool! Seedfolks Seed Library— http://t.co/5ZL5fp

First, I loved the idea of the re purpose magazine ad, it oddly felt personal. Second, love the little tag “SEED IT, EAT IT!” Third, it was my first reward for backing a project on Kickstarter.

Its awesome how I was here thinking of ways to reduce waste in my little world specially after reading the story of stuff and my own personal promise and I get this in the mail! Reminding me that if I do take the plunge I wont be the only one swimming.

ama thug it...yeah that's what I'll do!

2011-05-25T01:57:00.002-04:00

I have been reading and currently working on a book review for The Story of Stuff: The Impact of Overconsumption on the Planet, Our Communities, and Our Health-And How We Can Make It Better by Annie Leonard and I have decided that I have too much stuff. DUH! Since the previous post (HERE) with that lady accusing me of dressing my daughter as a boy and trying to change her, instead of buying new clothes for her I will just make them! I have the skills plus A LOT of clothes that no longer fit me and instead of making tons of diapers for her like I have currently been doing, I should just make clothes.

So that is my goal, for a whole year I will not be purchasing new clothes for my children, instead I will be repurposing what I already have until there is no more. I want to make those frilly dresses (will be taking pics of the items and posting them on this blog) and clothes for my toddler. It feels more personal. Btw, when I mean repurpose my stuff, I don't mean like a couple of shirts or pants, I have BAGS and BAGS of construction grade garbage bags filled with stuff. It costs me more to wash them and donate (some aren't in such great shape) and also more if I wash them and try to sell them online. Seriously!

Since my kids do need clothes since they are growing, I might as well do something good for the environment, reduce my spending and reduce the clutter. Apparently doing all of the above enhances your quality of life.

I already own a Portable Mini 2-speed Sewing Machine (price has gone up since I bought it a couple of days ago) and Brother 1034D 3/4 Lay-In Thread Serger. I already have the tools so I will put them to good use.

How about you all? What do you do with your stuff?

but, but, but WHY?!

2011-05-23T03:17:00.003-04:00

I feel insulted, angry and frankly violated.

We were invited to someones house after our class this Sunday and we accepted because I want to meet new people. WELL, it started off well..you know the usual polite small talk then it took a turn for the worst. First I was criticized for wearing a niqab with sweatpants (mind you they USED to belong to hubby so they are pretty darn big XXL), then because my daughter was dressed as a boy, apparently that is a sin. WHAT?! She is a BABY! She will wear whatever I put on her and its not like we are swimming in money to go buy her pink frilly things when she has perfectly good clothes that her brother previously wore.

I will be buying her clothes when the summer comes and we will be going out more, but in the mean time those browns, beiges, greens and navy blues will do just fine. Do people realize that the whole "do not dress like the opposite sex" has different meaning depending on culture? Do they realize that in my culture men don't wear skirts (aka longi, izar) or dresses (thobes)? I KNOW THEY ARE NOT SKIRTS AND DRESSES I am just making a point on how that looks to people unfamiliar with them.

Anyway, she took it upon herself to try to CHANGE my daughter. *Hyperventilates* you guys know how particular I am about my children and who gets to change them. WHAT THE HELL?! She covered my daughter in a pink shirt even though her shirt was PURPLE, she attempted to REMOVE that shirt but I grabbed my daughter from her reach. She then tried to remove her pants and put TIGHTS, TIGHTS on my daughter. NO! I said NO, DAMN IT! and she condescendingly said, "don't tell me its because of 'modesty' cuz people go to far." I believe in comfort over looks, my daughter is wearing cloth diapers and a loose cargo pants WHY am I going to squeeze her in to tights? LET THE GIRL BREATHE!

I will not be returning to her house EVER. She crossed way too many lines and her superior attitude removed any chances of me overlooking this incident. Yes I am a convert and still learning the religion but you attending a couple of seminars and some Sunday classes DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SCHOLAR. Because if you WERE a real scholar you would have observed the MANNERS that they are taught and have to observe. I love being around TRULY religious people as they are a joy to be around and I learn from them. (not the fakers who use it as a screen) I love being around people who are not religious and don't pretend to be, because they usually admit they do not know and don't try to force things on me. I hate being around ignorant people who don't even know they are ignorant while simultaneously telling others they are superiorsbased on the knowledge they do not possess.

Hubs says I am too open with people and I guess that may be true but you get what you see. I don't see the need to hide that I am a convert, or that my family is of various religions and ethnicities. I give you who I am, not a facade of who I want to be or who I was. You get me as I stand before you today. I don't curse, I don't share my sins and I respect your boundaries if I know of them and if I don't and accidentally cross them, once I DO know I apologize 'til kingdom come.' I mean hubs doesn't pretend to be someone he is not either but he does not reveal ANYTHING not pertinent to the topic or that may be considered personal. So I guess in comparison I am WAAAAAAAYYY to open. He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in a beard wearing a thobe.

Trifling Machines of INFINITE CUTENESS!

2011-05-20T14:23:00.002-04:00

am on to you!

So I purchased this cutie (Portable Mini 2-speed Sewing Machine with 100 Piece Kit) and it works! SHOCKINGLY it works! Isn't that a sad day when you purchase something that says it does something but you are so happy when it turns out it's true! aww, trifling marketers and their cons!

I am very impressed with this cutie but there is a downside, I didn't realized it was battery operated. I can still make it work if I buy rechargeable batteries and they can in turn be used with my son's toys too so it wouldn't be too much of a strain.

Another problem is that the "off" button and the "on" button do the same thing...it speeds it up at DOUBLE SPEED! DANGEROUS! I mean really dangerous. So in order for me to change or thread my needle I will need to remove the batteries first, press the tiny little foot pedal to make sure the 'electricity' has been drained.

Because of the OBVIOUS danger to personal safety, should I return it or just keep it and take precautions?

I worked with heavy duty industrial machines at my moms factory, you know the ones that pull, cut and sew...as well as some who have 8 inch exposed blades SOOOOO I am pretty good with the precautions but then again those machines are MONSTROUS looking! this one is soo "am dainty and cute like a butterfly on a warm summer night, I just wanna be loved, will you love me?"

and then BAM! you are in the emergency room with a missing arm! vile trifling machines.

I want to quit blogging

2011-05-18T22:13:00.001-04:00

I love blogging and getting my thoughts organized and splattered all over the web BUT I just got hired to write articles (tentative offer). YAY! but now apparently they need me to have a more professional blog and I also have a stalker I have not been able to brush off...so how do I move to another blogging platform and let you all know but not the stalker? decisions, decisions. decisions.

Another thing I was grappling with was how I was going to sign those articles but thanks to some help from my niqabis on facebook page that has been resolved. I was thinking of signing with my real name but a friend who has done that and is still dealing with the repercussion warned me against it. PLUS if ppl knew my name they could just google me and show up at my house. SCARY AS HECK!

What would YOU do?

I submitted my application to FIT NYC!

2011-05-17T02:25:00.005-04:00

now its the waiting game...will I be accepted? INSHAALLAH! Making du'a and starting to apply for scholarships. WOW I only procrastinated for nearly THREE years. subhanaAllah.

Life is exciting again, I am making moves seeing if it pans out, make some more and overall taking charge of my life. Ramit's class is REALLY helping me out and I am getting better and better at pitching ethically. Its amazing how much we hold ourselves back based on misinformation and insecurities.

Like he says and I am paraphrasing, a year from now you will be one year older, what would you like to be doing with yourself?

DAMN am pretty!

2011-05-10T13:08:00.001-04:00

remember TLC's Unpretty song? back when it came out I had no access to the internet to search for the lyrics and I never purchased a CD so I just just JUST realized I used to say "damn AM pretty" where the line is "damn UNpretty" lol. Self esteem...I gots it.

hearing aid...needed. LOL!

Unpretty

I wish i could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)

My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But its all the same
At the end of the day
I have my self to blame
I'm just trippin

Chorus:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.AC. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm being stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then i'll get back to me (hey)

My outsides looks cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin

DNA testing on racists

2011-05-08T20:14:00.003-04:00

I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE for racists to get their DNA checked to find out their genealogy (genealocial DNA test) and have their tests publicly published. It would probably create more violence and craziness but maybe it would wake them up to the reality that there is NO "pure race". We are mixed.by choice or by force (conquistadores, rapist et al).

why the rant? watching gangland and racist groups. Its infuriating and fascinating (the geeky anthropologist in me loves to get a "glimpse".

ha, ha, ha

2011-05-06T16:36:00.002-04:00

so am bothering the crap out of my husband while he is at work texting him my version of corny love songs and making them even cornier (its a passion of ours). After beautifully belting/texting R-Kelly's masterpiece I Believe I Can Fly my son gets up and tells me, "ma, am leaving be back Isha (night prayer mind you its early dhuhr)."

LOL!

Who does this little boy think he is dictating his comings and goings? He thinks he's grown! He is 2.5 years old and needs to sit back down and finish his food. Anyway, I found it hilarious enough NOT to laugh in front of him but I did text my hubby with what he said. Hubs texts me back

"Maybe he can't stand your singing. lol"

yeah, wait until you get home.

May she heal completely

2011-05-03T10:54:00.001-04:00

When I heard about Lara Logan's sexual assault at first I didn't want to believe it because I am so fond of her and as a survivor of sexual violence I NEVER EVER want another human being to experience it. I made du'a that it wasn't true that inshaAllah it never happened. When it was confirmed my heart sunk and I made du'a for her and against her attackers.

After hearing her talk about her attack, I cried. May Allah swt heal her physical, emotional and spiritual wounds completely and may this not break her spirit. AMEEN.

to see the full interview go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO12X1nhzzk (it has ads)

May the women who closed ranks around her and tried to protect her be rewarded and kept safe from experiencing this evil. AMEEN.

May her attackers, instigators and facilitators of this assault on her be brought to justice, may they be shamed publicly and be known publicly as sexual offenders. AMEEN. They think they have gotten away with this crime but we may not know your names or faces but Allah swt does know and on the day of judgment you will have to account for your transgression on her. You wont have anonymity then.

May my progeny never experience such evils or perpetrate such evils on anyone else. AMEEN.

http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2010/05/rape-survivor-is-still-chaste-woman.html

I am running for a scholarship and sucking majorly du'as needed

2011-05-02T18:54:00.001-04:00

lol! Remember that 7-10 grand seminar I wanted? Well he is having a scholarship and the deadline was yesterday at midnight. Any who I created a video like requested but the WHOLE thing plays in ONE second. DEAR LORD! I tried fixing it but got nowhere... :(

Please make du'a I get it because it will take a miracle to compete with some of those videos. You don't need to understand my desire for taking the class other than I WANT IT! I want it sooo bad!

what do you think?

is it REALLY bad? or just bad? Anyone want to help me out with the video?

WORK IT!

2011-04-20T07:19:00.003-04:00

Not gonna lie, I DID consider pole dancing (AS AN EXERCISE ROUTINE NOT A CAREER) but only after I became Muslim and by then I was fully covered and no options of where to learn. If you have been following my blog for sometime you know I LOVE learning, dissecting what I learn and moving on to another topic and pole dancing (in the privacy of my home) was one of those topics. Anyway, I saw this article on American Bedu's blog and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the image or that someone in the KSA would sponsor it. (which I guess means am guilty of stereotyping)

"Because there’s no history of strip clubs or pole dancing, most men would think women were just learning a new form of exercise – ironically in a place where religion and judgement plays such a large role, pole suffers from fewer preconceived connotations or moral judgements.

My client’s husband didn’t try the pole while I was there, but he didn’t try because he felt he lacked the strength, not because of pole dancing’s less salubrious roots." read more

I don't think there is anything wrong with it, its just that I have never seen it before and if you don't read the article you can misconstrue it. First thing that came to mind was grip as all that fabric would most definitely create a hazard. I wonder if it will be an even more effective workout since she basically has only her hand grip? or make her a HULK?

^^That takes skills! I lost most of my upper body strenght so I doubt I can hold that position for long. I would face plant so badly and leave my ego so hurt from ever trying it again. lol. Next thing....where would they get poles in KSA? Is she certifying anyone? I am still hung up about the pictures only because the two seem POLAR OPPOSITES.

On a related note my friend and I were discussing a fellow sister's desire to buy and learn to pole exercise and we were laughing our butts off only because we were picturing the above (although now that I see it...it aint all that funny). Anyway we were always going back to "what if your kid walks in to your room and asks, mommy, whats the pole for?" the sister (who wants the pole) said, "what? its just a pole."

It is just a pole but our prejudices can't just leave it at that. If a service like that was offered in my vicinity I would take it as I like trying things at least once. What about you?

all pics belong to PoleExercise.co.uk

So 3 years later I contacted someone....I am fast like that

2011-04-19T07:55:00.002-04:00

In the fall of 2008 I was heavily pregnant with my first child and had recently discovered how AWESOME CT libraries were. I mean seriously people they had the most updated books on any topic AND you could request books from college libraries and it would be delivered to your local library....a homeschooling dream.

I mean LOOK at these pics and this is just the children's section.... :( God I miss those libraries

MashaAllah, I digressed.... While I was waddling my way through a book worm's dream and delight of a library I saw this dude who I thought had made these BEAUTIFUL and STURDY bookshelves and I wanted to get his contact info. My husband and I always wanted to have an Islamic library and his books bend ALL the shelves we tried so we thought we might as well invest in some good shelves that are made specifically to handle high volume of books.

Anyway, while I was biting my nails to approach him I bumped into another guy who was photographing the shelves and my ADD kicked him and totally forgot about the shelves. We talked and he was giving me tips on how I could become a freelancing photographer (a deferred dream of mine) and he gave me his card and told me to call him the following Wednesday. My social anxiety kicked in and I chickened out (this was during the time I was JUST starting to deal with it so it was pretty bad and just talking to him was a huge step). They had brought him all the way from Massachusetts (mashaAllah) for the photo shoot and seemed interested in mentoring me. I was wearing full niqab gear and dude didn't blink an eye or seemed uncomfortable talking to me. (Side note: I don't think he took the pics above as he was there for a special occasion).

So yesterday after wanting to email him and staring at his disintegrating card FOREVER subhanaAllah, can't tell you how many times I just stared at it. I did it! I asked a couple of questions and I am waiting for a response. I feel like such a geek but he is such a wealth of information and experience plus if I finally decide to pursue freelancing then he might make an excellent mentor.

Have you ever delayed getting back to someone? How did you convince yourself to take the plunge? Me? I thought that his card already had wear and tear of being in my wallet and if I lost it I would be very upset with myself. Now, even if he doesn't get back to me its all good because at least I tried and didn't leave it up to chance. I can now move on to other things as this is no longer hanging over my head and taking up precious brain space. BABY STEPS!

Anyone have an Etsy account?

2011-04-18T02:24:00.002-04:00

I finally took the plunge and opened an Etsy account....now I am going to go broker than broke because the cuteness factor is just too much!

If you have an Etsy account leave your link below and I'll add you to my circle (picking up the lingo already :D)

Bullying?! Attempted murder is more likey it

2011-04-17T16:07:00.003-04:00

The father of an 8-year-old Louisville, Kentucky boy, found hanging on a hook in his school’s bathroom stall last week, wants answers and says the school could have done something to prevent the episode.

The incident occurred last week while Mohamed Hussein’s class at Frayser Elementary school was on a bathroom break. (read more)

They HUNG the child and tried to break his neck! In the picture you can see the ligature marks on the poor child. How can that possibly be classified as bullying? Its nothing short of attempted MURDER! Whoever did this to Mohamed Hussein needs to be brought to justice because that is some sick unacceptable behavior. Those children (if it is children who did this) need help and if they don't get it I cringe at what they might be able to do down the line. Nip it in the bud buddy.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiuun. May Allah swt save our children from falling victim to these crimes or from perpetrating these crimes on others. May the attackers and all involved in this story be granted hidayat. AMEEN

Honestly its crap like this that makes me want to homeschool, I need to start saving up to afford tutors....this is crazy and unacceptable!

sucks being broke...

2011-04-16T05:58:00.002-04:00

working on being grateful right now. I have a lot to be grateful for but I am throwing a sissy fit anyway. I think people have it wrong. Why should we care about money? I think when you don't care it controls you, dictating what you can and cannot do, you end up working and striving for money's sake because its your master. Even though I KNOW my rizq is written and will come in due time, it still frustrates me as I feel I am not doing something to get the full potential. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT THING IS?!

I am physically sitting here like a pouting spoiled child making du'a to Allah swt demanding the things I want and bargaining. I am tired of not being financially independent, to be able to dictate life on my terms. I can't go to hajj, no money. I can't go to classes I want to take, no money. Can't visit my mother, no money.

I do however have the tools to change my life and rizq but don't know how to use them. How frustrating is that? I have software that any graphic artist would kill for but don't know how to monetize on that. I need help executing plans. I am tired of trial and error and going at it alone. I want guidance from people who have made it, but guess what? That cost money TOO! so dammit. I am back to square one.

On the plus side all the things I CAN'T do aren't necessities but rather luxuries which I guess in the end thats a luxury too. I am not starving, fighting off warlords or natural disasters. I am simply a woman who wants more out of life.

If you REALLY love me you would make du'a for me

2011-04-15T01:33:00.008-04:00

Aight. Now that I have emotionally blackmailed you I will tell you what I am looking for du'as for. I LOVE LEARNING! but I hate school. Anyway there are THREE seminars I am dying to attend and I think they would change my life PERMANENTLY. Not an exaggeration.

I think the most effective way of learning is apprenticeships from people who have been successful in the field you are interested in. So here there are

Seminar	Location	Date	Price
1) Muhammad Alshareef's Niche Hero	Toronto, Canada	July 4-9, 2011	Almost $3,000 w/o air fare or accommodations
2) Tim Ferriss’ Seminar	California, USA	August 19 – 21, 2011	$7,000-$10,000 depending if you sign up early or later w/o air fare or accommodations.
3) Ramit Sethi	Online	TBA	TBA

Now if I HAD to choose between Tim Ferriss and Niche Hero, I would go with Tim Ferriss hands down. I mean how often do you get to meet your favorite author and get to pick his brain too? Dude's book changed my life. Helped me with my anxiety and got me off my butt and motivated to make the most out of my life.

ALL and I mean ALL of the seminars like Time traveler, a millionaire who went to jannah by Muhammad Alshareef also helped me. He was my first teacher in Islam and I have a soft spot for him mashaAllah (in a purely platonic, teacher kinda way...don't get it twisted.). I have had a lot of good come my way via his content and I am sure this would greatly benefit me but it would overlap with Tim Ferriss.

Ramit Sethi I just recently started following him and I have gotten some results via his free emails but I would love to also get to ask him questions and perfect my game. I am clearly not doing something right and getting guidance about biz from these fellas would be beneficial.

Hajj although I want to go, is nearly out of the question because my 6 month old is exclusively breastfed and my toddler has never spent a night away from us. Bringing them along is not an option as we would have to pay the student package for each. :(

I can ask Allah swt for anything so I am including the above in my du'a list. Why not? usually I ask,

O Allah swt grant me ALL the things I asked for in this post if they are what is best for my dunya and akhira and if it will bring me closer to You. If not please replace them with something better. AMEEN.

Its a WIN/WIN situation, if it is whats best for me it will be granted and I will be happy and if it isn't ,its being replaced with something even BETTER! So if my du'as don't appear to be granted, am cool with that because I know I am still cashing in (inshaAllah). I know most of you guys wont understand how AWESOME these opportunities are but believe me they rarely come and I want them. I am trying to fund my travels, imagine being able to afford hajj for your entire family EVERY year? <--That is what I want.

Currently broke though hence the du'as. inshaAllah I can go. :)

UPDATE: Contacted Ramit and established a payment plan that is within budget! YEAH BABY! On my way to financial independence! May it be beneficial for me and my family :) AMEEN!

RAMADAN BATTLE PLAN 2011

2011-04-13T14:55:00.002-04:00

RAMADAN BATTLE PLAN 2011

As salaamu Aalaykum!

I am preparing for Ramadan and created this planner to help me out. All those interested click on the link below to get your free copy :)
http://halalify.com/ramadan-battle-plan

I am 5 years old!

2011-04-12T11:28:00.001-04:00

Alhamdulillah, yesterday was my 5 year Shahada anniversary! OMG I am revisiting my old stuff (including this blog) and I am happy with my progress but I think I need to do more. I kinda expected myself to have already memorized the Qur'an and I haven't. That's definitely in my to do list.

OH THE PAIN!!

2011-04-07T20:53:00.001-04:00

I think I am going through labor to expel the remainder because I am in some SERIOUS pain that can't be describe better than labor. Waiting on hubs to get home as I will most likely be going to the ER. please make du'a for me.

Food FIGHT! ♥: Starting Information...

2011-04-06T15:20:00.001-04:00

Food FIGHT! ♥: Starting Information...

^^this is where I am keeping track of my weight loss..... I wanted it separated from my main blog. :)

Why even bother?

2011-04-05T04:31:00.003-04:00

I have been watching far too much tv from my computer and it has dulled my heart. The premise is all the same regardless of the genre. The message? We are all lonely trying to find something in common with someone else, to feel alive, to be loved and yet despite all the social media/networks, cellphones, instant message we are still alone and less connected to each other than before.

Depressing. I was there once and occasionally I go back to that stage. I was lonely wanting a family, wanting to be loved. I became Muslim and found inner peace (then quickly proceeded to lose it because I could), 9 months later found my husband and 4+ years after that I am the mother of two children with a husband I love and occasionally hate (well, that's a strong word since just the thought of him dying or not being around sends me in to panic). But you guys get where I am going with that right?

My current obsession is Dead Like Me about modern day grim reapers. The show only had 2 seasons and I have basically had a marathon watching all of season one and moving on to season two. The show depressed me. Its like I am just killing time until its my turn to go in to the dirt. I mean what am I doing with my life? What have I done so far?

This miscarriage has really messed with my hormones and feelings. The post partum that I thought I had shaken off is back with a vengeance. I stopped sharing with my close friends after one inferred I tended to be melodramatic. Not her exact words but then again she was also the one who told me that if I didn't know I had it (the pregnancy) did I really lose anything? I ditched her.

It sucks. This whole thing is pretty new to me. My whole life I survived through crapfests by keeping the cards close to me, by not sharing my feelings, by staying in the shadows and not getting close. Since I have been married I have share more with hubby (kinda had to). I wasn't going to share with him but I figured he wasn't getting married to be my own personal shrink and me his very own basket case. So he KNEW what he was getting in to. Even after we married I still sabotage myself to the point that I am wondering why my husband even kept me. May Allah swt have mercy on him, ameen.

I started blogging because I felt I was drowning, my social anxiety was keeping me from going outside and I was a one woman marriage wrecking crew. It helped, it helped A LOT. I became 'saner', I met and connected with many sisters from all over the world (that was pretty sweet). I have never been compared to a drama queen and it frankly hurt. I guess that is what happens when you share with someone, they can only see you during that once facet of your life. They are not there to see the other facets and you get pigeonholed. Even with blogging its hard to convey what is happening without writing a dissertation so once again you are only giving one facet of your life for people to try to figure you out and make judgment.

I read in a friend's blog comment that when we focus on ourselves, our lives, our relationships and our stuff the more we suffer. The more we focus on Allah swt the better, easier and happier our lives become. I think I am going to do that because what I am currently doing is clearly not working.

Am I alive? Do I even matter? I don't know about the rest of the world but my gummy bear (6 month old) just gave me a huge toothless smile and then knocked out, it was beautiful mashaALlah, I think she will miss me. I mean I AM her breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack. My toddler will miss me for other reasons. So waiting to die but terrified of death. Death. Death. Death. Death. Maybe she was right? Maybe she really is one of those few people who call it like it is? I am being melodramatic but.... dammit I really don't have an excuse other than it hurts to have my feelings and anxieties dismissed under the banner of drama queen.

Wa Salaam

Parenting and an update

2011-04-04T11:41:00.001-04:00

Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. — Mike Tyson

As Salaamu Aalaykum! I am doing better alhamdulillah. I am sorta still bleeding almost done though so am ok. I did get a blood test and my numbers were lower but still shows up as pregnant. My ultrasound showed some remnants still left and inshaAllah all will leave. I was supposed to get another blood test done but I am going to wait a little longer since I am still bleeding. I HATE NEEDLES!!

I just hate 'em!

Anyway, I was browsing trying to kill sometime and came across the above statement by Mike Tyson and felt it was so appropriate for nearly every scenario in life specially parenting. I get a lot of people telling me how I should raise my kids from people who don't even have kids. I mean what is up with that?

ugaldew

and it just keeps on going

2011-03-24T16:20:00.003-04:00

and we are back to square one....the bleeding that had stopped is back. These docs are really ticking me off. Telling me you're pregnant! no wait...you miscarried, sorry. No wait you are pregnant! nope sorry again you are miscarrying.

I think I was pregnant with twins, lost one at the end of February and I am losing the other one now. How else could this whole mess be explained? Unless children can be conceived by the mother alone.

Make du'a for me as I am having a crummy day. I'll bounce back inshaAllah, like I always do. Just needed to vent.

SABR inshaAllah. Sabr.

previous post
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-am-going-through-miscarriage.html

I am going through a miscarriage

2011-03-19T12:42:00.001-04:00

inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiuun.

I have bee sick for quite some time (post) and have gone to the ER twisting in pain (other post) and I got NOTHING as an answer. Well after the 3rd blood test it was confirmed I was pregnant and the doc wanted me to take a 4th test to see what my levels of HCG were and for 24 hours I was ecstatic and thinking about the future and how much I was going to love this child.. When the 4th blood test came in it confirmed my HCG levels were going down. I had been bleeding for 2 weeks prior to the 3rd blood test and I passed something that looked like an organ. I am still bleeding and having some pain so I am not out of the woods yet, I just hope I don't need to use drugs or surgery to finish the miscarriage.

A well meaning friend phrased it this way, "If you didn't know you had it, did you really lose anything?" yes, yes I did. My mom tried to blame it on my "lifestyle" but this was when I was just randomly bleeding after the pregnancy was confirmed and subsequent miscarriage she didn't say anything.

I don't know exactly how to feel because on the one hand I trust in Allah's qadr and I know that everything that happens to a believer is whats best for them even if its not clear right away. On the other I feel very guilty going to the ER where they gave me a heavy dose of some opium based pain killer that knocked me out. The questions swirl and I am OK with what happened but those nagging "what ifs" start popping up left and right and I know they are from shaytan. AUDHU BILLAHI MINA SHAYTANI RAJEEM!

A member in my parenting forum posted this a while back and it benefited me greatly that I will post it here. insha Allah.

The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wasalam) said, upon him peace, "The miscarried child will pester its glorious and mighty Lord for His entering its two parents into the Fire until it is told, 'O miscarried child that pesters its Lord! Enter your father and mother into Paradise.' Then it will drag them with its umbilical cord until it makes them enter Paradise." Ibn Majah and Abu Ya`la from `Ali.

And again, "By the One in Whose hand is my soul, truly the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise, provided one expects recompense [for sabr (patience)]." Ibn Majah and Ahmad from Mu`adh.

And he said, upon him peace: "Your little ones are the larvas (da`aamees) of Paradise. They will meet their parents and grab them by their garments or their hands to no end other than that Allah will enter them Paradise." Sahih Muslim.

Isn't that a divine reward for your heartache?

Also, the Prophet (SAW) said: "I swear that a miscarried child of mine I send forth before me is more beloved to me than [raising] a mounted knight that survives me." Ibn Majah from Abu Hurayra.

Fortitude with faith and surrender with rida - absolute acceptance - through losing a child require inordinate strength of character because SABR carries huge reward and its difficulty means even more reward. "And whoever yatasabbaru (=is racked trying to endure in patience), Allah will grant them SABR, and none was ever given a greater gift than SABR." In the Five Books. Hence the magnificent, tremendous Aya states {Verily the sabirun will receive a reward without measure} (39:10).

Hence Umm al-Darda' would say: "Those that gladly accept the Divine decree have a level in Paradise that the Shuhada' will envy them the Day of Resurrection."

May we be the envy of the Shuhada' - ameen!

ps. Yesterday my daughter turned 6 months old and my son 2.5yrs old. MashaAllah. May Allah swt grant me and my family what is best for our dunya and akhira, make us from amongst the righteous and grant us all a white heart from now until the day of judgment. AMEEN.

Hello?

2011-03-12T18:44:00.001-05:00

aww MAN! someone beat me to it... :(

for the love of GOD!

2011-03-11T22:58:00.003-05:00

I want to apologize for the lack of posts but I have been rapid posting on FB and my pages that I have neglected you all....

♫ Baby, come to me

let me put my arms around you

This was meant to be ♪

in the meantime while you reconsider coming back to me (which you totally should) here is a pic I posted that I found HILARIOUS...enjoy.

Moment Killer

2011-03-11T10:48:00.001-05:00

I wrote my husband a B E A U T I F U L text of shukr and love and ended it with "cuz you're my HEEEEEROOOOOO!" and he responded with

"are you high?"

ummm. High with LOVE! duh. But way to kill a moment babes. Moment killer.

Hate comes to the OC and Islam proliferates

2011-03-07T10:10:00.002-05:00

History is cyclical and its now our turn (again, yes it has happened before). Make du'a.

"May ALL the people who attended this event, all the people that have viewed and all the people that will view it, be granted hidayat and may ALL practice Islam in the most pleasing way to Allah swt. AMEEN"

About the lies they were saying about the Prophet (saw) which I will not repeat, this is what comes to mind ALL the time

Narrated by ‘Ali (Radiyallahu `anhu), the Prophet (Sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said,
“Do not tell a lie against me for whoever tells a lie against me (intentionally) then he will surely enter the Hell-fire”
Volume 1, Book 3, Number 106

Something I find interesting is that when you make a topic taboo people quickly jump into it, just to be different. If it was halal to place a bet, I would wager on these protesters kids becoming Muslim. I have seen it before, they "convert" to whatever ideology their parents hate the most. I think its called being a teenager.

They are defeating themselves, how to make something monumental? make it controversial and make sure you are in the front lines. Thanks to these folks and others like them Islam was the #1 religion most spoken about last year. You can't convert anyone to your cause, you can only give them the message and hope they join you.

Thanks to them Islamic sites have gotten a HUGE surge of subscribers and who knows if they will become Muslim (inshaAllah they will). If we had to pay for all the coverage we have received we would not be able to afford it.

Now when the time comes, can ANYONE on Earth say they never heard of Islam?

dumps

2011-03-04T09:53:00.001-05:00

I had a rough night, rough two weeks actually. I need to see a doctor because my body is acting erratic and because it doesn't seem healthy. I went to the hospital at the beginning of February and the problems really have not subsided.

To keep busy I launched my hijab store (which has tanked) I tried so hard not to be a discount hijab store because there is always someone willing to lower their prices until neither one is making a profit. Well someone managed to get my supplier of scarves and is selling each scarf a dollar or two over the wholesale price. I just couldn't compete. I think I will just hold on to the stock and try to make my own hijabs with my own tags.

So I re read The 4-Hour Workweek<--changed my life in 2007 and I have slowly been progressing) and I am trying other "muses" to get the lifestyle that I want and I was smacked down.

My husband is SUPER supportive of virtually ALL I do and I overspent these past 2 months without hearing a complain from him. I basically doubled my spending each month...oops (usually its always under $100). It was $400 in January $700 in February and already for March its $400 and the adobe products he purchased for me will be charged soon and that is about another $900.

He also has to somehow help his brother pay off his debt....in 6 months.

SOOOOOO keeping all of the above in mind I approached him and was telling him my ideas. Usually he is very good at giving constructive criticism and therefore I usually come to him with what would be a "rough draft" he helps me polish it and then I come back to him with a full thought out plan later.

Well this time I threw my rough ideas at him and he just crushed them, I mean it was brutal. I was in so much shock that I stuttered and tried to defend myself but the onslaught was just brutal. I was reminded about my family being homeless last year and how the money could be sent to them instead of something risky. I mean a lot of the things he said did make sense and I hadn't thought about. Once he mentioned them I realized there are better ways to get things done.

Except he continued and continued and continued. I kept quite because I was hurt and then I couldn't take it any more and burst in to tears. He was cuddling my toddler at the moment (yea we were in bed at the time) so he didn't turn around right away.

I reverted back to my technique when I was a child of crying my heart out, tears and snot without making a sound. The sound I make when I cry like this is just like a calm exhale, anyone in the dark can easily be fooled and think I am in deep sleep.

He left for work early so I didn't get to see him but my spirits are just down. I am embarrassed to see him and I just want to nurse my wounds. I need to become financially independent and I need to try other things, I just can't keep spending someone else's HARD earned money. I like experimenting and chasing down ideas so having my own will facilitate that, keep me entertained whilst living the life I want to live.

keep me in your du'as please.

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

2011-02-12T19:14:00.002-05:00

FAUXLIVIA IS PREGGERS! PREGGERS! I KNEW IT! This was my last post on it!!

so OMG that opens up the possibilties!

Also what is up with the comments I have gotten like Z E R O in a couple of days, is it because the writing sucked? topic was boring? or tech issues?

Egyptians, YOU ARE AWESOME!

2011-02-11T20:49:00.006-05:00

I cried! May the oppressors NEVER EVER return to power and may you continue to strive for jannatul firdous. AMEEN.

SubhanaAllah. Your story is UNBELIEVABLE! I mean MILLIONS showed up, you persevered even AFTER you were butchered, beaten, tortured. Even after your dictator refused to leave and crush your spirits. Your movement for the most part had no CLEAR leader and yet you kept your dignity and nonviolence till the very end. I salute you. I am thoroughly impress.

There is honor in Muslim lands after all. May you do what is best for Egyptians, Islam and our ummah. AMEEN.

I am going to make a MASH UP of the protest

2011-02-10T21:55:00.003-05:00

I AM PUMPED! "SOMETHING SOMETHING DOWN MUBARAK!" *pumps fist* so I have been on the internet researching like a mad woman. SubhanAllah these Egyptians are witty and their chants are mad addictive. They got me all pumped up and ready to take on my websites ON! I think it would benefit me if I make a mashup of the chants so I can work out to them.

I want to work out! WHERES THE GYM?!

btw if I ever decide to become a pop singer ama head over to Egypt because their mobs are just so good at chanting and they feed off the energy mashaAllah.

its the TOOOOOOOTHHH!!

2011-02-08T19:37:00.003-05:00

oh dear lord my tooth HURTS. O EM GEEEEE

AHHHH!

dua's needed :(

OMG! in order to save the UNIVERSE(s) Peter must become polygamous!

2011-02-06T13:53:00.004-05:00

so am watching FRINGE (I wrote about this obsession before here in this post) episode Concentrate and Ask Again. AND we find out that whoever Peter (played by Joshua Jackson) ends up with her universe will be saved and the one he doesn't her universe will be destroyed. BAM! Who will he choose OUR Olivia or THEIRS (parallel universe) Fauxlivia? Whoever gets rejected her and billions of other lives will be extinguished.

BUT WAIT! there is another solution! YOU CAN SAVE BOTH WORLDS PETER! Become Muslim and be polygamous. PROBLEM SOLVED. (insert smug smile here).

I should contact J. J. Abrams and let him know I solved the conundrum.

Seriously, though imagine if a dude came up to you and was all "baby, you need to understand that I MUST marry YOU and HER or else two universes will DIE!" NOW there is a creative proposal.

Also for FRINGE fans out there remember the previous episode when the Observer was all like "it must be difficult being a father" to Peter before he shoots him with the field force gun and knocks him out? I was jumping up and down like OOOOOOOO EEEEEMMMMMMM GGGGGEEEEEEEE! FAUXLIVIA IS PREGGERS!

I mean why else mention it? we know he hasn't done anything with OUR Olivia but he did with Fauxlivia. Maybe that's why when Fauxlivia left to the alternate universe she was caught with pictures of Peter in her bag. At first I though "DANG girl caught feelings" but now am thinking "NOT ONLY did girl catch feelings she may have been pregnant and took that for her child to let them know this is yo father" KWIM?

So this is what I think is gonna happen, Peter is going to choose OUR Olivia to save face and then somehow he is going to find out HOLY SHATNER Fauxlivia is preggers with his child and he wont want to destroy that universe because his kid is there. Also remember when the Observer tells the other Observer about Walter and how he is going to let Peter go? Meaning he was willing to risk Peter's life in order to save the girl?

I THINK that it means Walter will accept Peter's choice of going to the other side since now Peter is a father. ALSO Peter becoming a father will make him understand why Walter did the things he did because now he is in Walter's shoes. OHHH The possibilities!!

omg omg omg omg I have more!

I mean COME ON! How could the nerd in me resist such topics? ^^ It can't I tell you. It can't. I haven't seen LOST but seeing as I became addicted as heck to FRINGE its probably a good idea not to watch it. Its also the from the writers of Transformers.

I was set up! I MUST WATCH!

shakes fist at screen SOMETHING, SOMETHING HOSNI MUBARAK!

2011-02-04T00:30:00.002-05:00

You know that you have been brainwashed after sitting in front of the computer researching all you can about Egypt for hours when you begin chanting "SOMETHING SOMETHING HOSNI MUBARAK!" According to the translation at the bottom of the screen its supposedly says "DOWN WITH HOSNI MUBARAK" or something along those lines.

Dang those chants are addictive! I didn't even know what I was saying, I just got caught up in the clips. *shakes fist*

ps I can't pronounce the Arabic so I AM actually saying "something something hosni mubarak:" ehh, you win some you lose some.

pps. on a darker note please keep the people of Egypt in your prayers as the brutality against them is increasing.

borrowing from Shayk Yasir Qadhi's du'as... (read more here)

May Allah guide the people of Egypt to do what is best for Islam and the Muslims!

May Allah protect those protesting on the streets against the tanks and guns and weapons of the regime!

May Allah protect their loved ones from the plunder and looting of thieves and criminals (those in office and on the streets)!

May Allah bring about a state of honor and glory for this religion, where righteous people are shown respect and given office, and the unrighteous are discarded and ignored!

And May Allah protect us all, in this world and the next!

Ameen ya Rabb al-Alimeen!

Had to go to the hospital :(

2011-02-01T15:32:00.002-05:00

As Salaamu Aalaykum!

so yesterday I was overwhelmed with CRAZY amounts of pain. At first I toughed it out like I usually do but then every time I would "control" the pain it would increase and increase. It got to the point that I could no longer handle the pain and it occurred to me, my mom had an ectopic pregnancy around this age so I freaked. It was 1 AM and I woke my husband so he could take me to the hospital. Alhamdulillah he got the children ready and off we went.

The hospital was PACKED and when I was admitted there was blood on the floor NEXT to my bed. EWW. Honestly though I didn't care because the pain was just too much. After hours of waiting and blood coming out of me I was seen by a doctor. AND I got the usual "we know SOMETHING is CLEARLY wrong with you, however, we can't figure it out at this time, your kidneys are awesome (me: mashaAllah), no ovarian cyst like we suspected, no kidney stone like we suspected". Its 2003 all over again.

I was hospitalized every semester in college for a couple of days at at time because I had stopped breathing and there was some kind of reoccurring kidney infection even though I pass all the tests they ran on me. I got a shot of some pain relief (IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!) and finally some antibiotic. I was given a pelvic exam which was not pleasant, ultrasounds to determine if it was an ectopic pregnancy, both my kidneys and uterus were also scanned. nothing.

They were thorough and I don't think they are incompetent but thus far no solution to my "illnesses" that strike every so often. It has been about 6 yrs since the last time I was holding my sides like I did yesterday. Today was also my launch date for my hijab store but I am going to continue working on it and inshaAllah I can launch it in the next couple of days.

In the meantime I am all drugged up...make du'a for my daughter that the drugs I am taking don't negatively affect her. AMEEN.

May Allah swt grant me complete shifaa from all that is ailing me. AMEEN.

in case of DELETION go here :)

2011-01-31T17:39:00.001-05:00

so I loose track of people and am tired of it and I am prone to deleting importance things by accident...this blog was almost deleted a couple of times. In the even that I do I would like to continue talking to y'all.

HERE
-->>

THANK GOD! the software I use requires you to click on deletion and then type in DELETE. So at least this will be safe.

i you can sit, you can get fit!

2011-01-25T16:48:00.003-05:00

you know I would buy this because it seems fun but am pretty sure it will break by the weekend. The ingenuity of people never fails to impress me. Just go out and exercise its a lot cheaper.

EDIT: this comment HAD to be added. TOO FUNNY!!

Could you imaging dropping a file on the floor, bending over in your chair to pick it up and having the chair “hula” your head into the desk non stop until you fall off of it … BAM BAM BAM!

They'de need a new Jingle.

“Now You Can Get Fit – With Your Cranium Split … the Hawaii Chair”

EDIT: THANK YOU COOLRED38! I LOVE YOU FOR THIS LAUGH!

How to avoid the Muslm Sex tape....

2011-01-24T12:06:00.001-05:00

if you want to save yourself follow the following simple instructions...

Hijab Life: Muslimas your webcam is spying on YOU!: "You have that shiny new laptop with all the bells and whistles including a webcam and you are all like, "ama be a youtube star!" Hold your horses...."

Why didn't they say something?

2011-01-23T01:42:00.001-05:00

I am reading about the Prophet (Sallahu Aalayhi wa Salaam) and I am in AWE of him. MashaAllah. I am reading his physical description, his mannerism etc. etc. and it has given me a deeper understanding of him. I got to the question about Aisha (ra) and I accepted it before since there was CLEARLY some wisdom in that choice since many ahadeeth are narrated through her and she was one of the leading jurists of her time. mashaAllah.

Besides reading Shama'il Tirmidhi I am attending the Al Maghrib "The Prophet's Smile" and although I missed yesterday's class I will make it today inshaAllah. I was reading the notebook accompanying the class and came across this

Doubt #2 Why was 'Aisha (ra) so young?
"Firstly, it should be pointed out that this contention was never raised by any of the early critics of the Prophet (saw). Rather, it is an allegation that became notorious post-enlightenment. Thus, had there been the smallest hint of impropriety, the early critics of the prophet (saw) would have definitely raised this contention.

Secondly, not only was it customary in Arabia to get married at the age of puberty, but it was customary in the Christian western world as well. Here are some examples:

Imam al-Shafii said, "during my stay in Yemen, I have come across girls who began menstruation at the age of nine." -Siyar A'lam Al-Nubala10/91

Imam al-Bayhaqi narrated that Imam al Shafi said, "I have seen in the city of Sana'a a grandmother while she was twenty one. She menstruated at the age of nine and gave birth at the age of 10." -Sunan al Bayhaqi al-Kubra': 1/319

Ibn al-Jawzi narrated similar stories from Ibn 'Uqail and 'Ubad al Mahlby -Tahqeeq Fi ahadith al-Khilaf 2/267

It is also narrated that the companion 'Abdullah bin 'Amr bin al-'As became a grandfather at the age of 23 or 26.

In Greek and Roman literature, many citations can be found of women getting married at puberty.

In our times, the state of Alabama and New Hampshire allow a girl of age 13 and 14 to marry with guardian consent.

It is also important to note that at no point in time was any discontent showed from 'Aisha (ra), but rather she loved the Prophet (saw) dearly. This is manifested in the fact that, with her sharp and intelligent mind, she went on to become one of the five top narrators of hadith from all the Companions. This alludes to the greater wisdom behind this marriage as well. Lastly, it is important to note that just because we are unable to perceive and fathom maturity at such young ages (due to the times in which we live, where at 17, one is still considered a minor and unaccountable for one's actions), it does not mean that it did not previously exist. Thus, it is clear that claims that such wives were too young are baseless, and it is rather just a case of difference of place and time.

Didn't necessarily need such a long response but hey it added to my belief so am cool with it. Just wanted to share since I benefited from it. Alhamdulillah.

wa salaam!

Men and Logic is there such a thing?

2011-01-21T17:16:00.001-05:00

She's a very kinky girl,
The kind you don't take home to mother,
She will never let your spirits down,
Once you get her off the street, Ow girl...
That girl is pretty wild now,
...*The girl's a super freak*,
The kind of girl you read about,

chick sounds like a health risk...I don't know. Men just confuse me with their logic...or is there such a thing for them when dealing with the opposite gender?

Mental BLEACH!!!

2011-01-20T09:48:00.001-05:00

I was watching Modern Family's "Caught in the Act" episode and left me laughing my butt off and grimacing at the same time. What did I take away from killing 21 minutes of my time? BUY A LOCK for your bedroom so you don't scar you children for life.

I think children can live without EVER seeing their parents doing it. EWW! EWW! EWW! As soon as we have our own apartment my son who is now 27 months will be getting his own room. I think the cutoff date for each child will also be 27 months MAX. I LOVE co-sleeping with my children but I think 3 yrs old is a bit too old to still be in our bed. Ideally I would have weaned him at 24 months but we are living in a room in the in laws house so that wasn't happening.

Also as I am getting used to this parenting thing, disciplining and setting boundaries ISN'T that hard. Sure the kids test you but they are TODDLERS and they NEED boundaries set my an adult. Be fair and consistent. Now the teenage years are a whole different story and I hope the foundation we are laying down now will make it easier for us to parent. I feel that you either put in the time NOW when they are young and establish a relationship of trust and respect or you try doing it LATER when its harder and they have more outside influences.

ps don't hate...make du'a for me. May Allah swt give me the wisdom to parent my children correctly. ameen.

Show some compassion, Dammit!

2011-01-19T00:44:00.002-05:00

I think when people around us loose their pets we don't show them enough compassion. Its like we are constantly reminding them that there are WORST things happening like genocide, famines, tsunamis etc. etc.

Anas ibn-Malek (RA) said that the Prophet (SAWS) used to visit um-Sulaym[15] whose son was nicknamed abu-Omayr (i.e. father of Omayr). One time, The Prophet found him sad. He asked for the reason and was told that his small bird Nughayr [16] died. The Prophet (SAWS) then joked with him and said, “O father of Omayr! What did the Nughayr do?" [17]

The Prophet (SAWS) did not underestimate the feelings of loss and sadness which the little boy felt. He shared his feelings and even joked with him about it to cheer him up. Some may say that abu-Omayr was merely the brother of Anas (RA), who was serving the Prophet (SAWS). Yet that did not deter the Prophet (SAWS) from visiting his home, being kind to him, and learning of his news.
Taken from HERE

Let's practice the sunnah, not just play lip service to it.

Quit embarrassing me!!

2011-01-17T13:43:00.001-05:00

My daughter has been working on her vocal cords lately (she'll be 4 months tomorrow inshaAllah) and she sounds like an injured pterodactyl. Its embarrassing. Every so often my in laws come knocking wondering if I am either beating the poor girl or why am I ignoring her cries for help, love and attention. Or worst why am I laughing at her cries.

I am not doing any of the above I am having a conversation with my daughter and she responds with shrieks. She is having such a great time shrieking away. (btw she is on my lap "reading" what I am typing while simultaneously grabbing my arms and dragging them for her to suck and or bite on).

its only 1PM and concerned citizens have already checked in on my injured pterodactyl. geez.

I have a daughter. OMG I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!

2011-01-16T15:07:00.001-05:00

I mentioned I was going through my blog and found previous posts about having a girl...now am re-reading them now that I am a mother to a girl.

I was mainly afraid that I would have a girl. Not because girls are bad or because of any cultural hangup but because I was afraid she would get hurt. Life is so hard for girls. There is menstruation, rape, beatings, domestic violence, child birth, all the stigma of being the "weaker sex" but mainly because they get raped. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to protect her or that she would go through what I went through. I wanted to make du'a against having a girl but I have this belief that children regardless of whether they can speak or even understand DO feel feelings. They understand in their own way and if I was pregnant with a girl I didn't want her to feel unloved because I was in love with the child I was caring. (from this post)

On some days I do make a lot more du'as for her than others because I don't want her to suffer. I want her to have a loving, peaceful and fitnah free life. The du'a of the parent for their child is accepted right? so inshaAllah she will be fine. inshaAllah. inshaAllah....She'll be fine right?

She is going to be 4 months in 2 days and I am in awe of Allah's beautiful creation, His perfect system and her chunky little toes. I am in love and I don't mind looking the fool to get that gummy smile (she has no teeth yet) by any means necessary. I am still dealing with my trauma of my childhood and thanks to this pooping, vomiting, screaming bundle of joy I am reconnecting again with my feminine self. When I took my shahada I started my recovery from the abuse and having my daughter has progressed my journey.

SubhanaAllah. Since being confronted with one of my fears I have healed exponentially. Its unbelievable the breakthroughs I have had these past couple of months. ALLAHU AKBAR! I trust Allah swt and everything that happens to me is not Him going out of His way to make me miserable. I pray that I am not tested with difficulties though. AMEEN.

La ilaha ila Allah!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Posts I am referencing
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2009/12/raising-daughters-and-guns.html
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2010/02/having-girls.html
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2010/11/dealing-with-aftermath-of-rape.html

In the case of 3 yr old Janaynay and Keshawn, Ken you are NOT! the father

2011-01-16T15:06:00.001-05:00

‎"That baby dont look like me" - ken

got it from No Way Girl!

I am sorrry

2011-01-16T01:01:00.005-05:00

as salaaamu aalaykum!

I am going through my whole blog and am loving the old me, depressed about certain goals that 2 yrs later I have STILL not achieved. :( Anyway I was deleting some posts that might be considered backbiting thanks to Mai's blog post "is your blog a true friend?" And I noticed I don't usually respond to comments. SORRY. I am SO SORRY! I really do respond in my head but I either have to change diapers, nurse attend to hubby that I prepare a response in my head but forget to put it down. Plus now with my 3 month old I have to nurse her (she is more demanding now, mashaAllah) and keep a toddler entertain.

I am very sorry for those who have left comments and I haven't replied. I am horrible. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I am slowly responding! sorry. On the plus side re reading my blog was kinda cool (still not done because of the offspring) it reminded me of what was going on at that time and how I was coping. Sorta like my own time capsule. InshaAllah it will continue to benefit me or at the very least not be detrimental to my dunya or akhira. AMEEN.

ps. I tried to make a stick figure niqabi that was pleading for forgiveness but instead got the hand all wavy and it looked like she was indeed doing the wave. Soon after that "can't touch this dananna nana nana, can't touch this!" came in to my head and that was the end of the pleading niqabi and the birth of party niqabi.

pps. inshaAllah I will try to post more often!

Monogamy, its not for everyone.

2011-01-15T13:16:00.007-05:00

Whether its online or offline I hear women and sometimes men (both Muslim and non Muslim) decry the allowance of polygamy in Islam. Saying that a Just God would not allow such a thing because its demeaning to women. I think when followed accordingly its a very Just and awesome institution. I know that Allah swt hates injustice and has made it forbidden upon Himself. The polygyny I see around me most definitely does not resemble what Allah swt has made permissible nor what the Prophet (saw) and his companions (ra) practiced.

But that doesn't mean an institution should be ban simply because there is a possibility of abuse because human beings are so creative they can abuse just about everything. From adopting children, becoming foster parents, dating etc., etc. and it would be insane to ban adoptions, ban foster parents and ban anything else that is abused. Its kinda like a never ending cycle because whatever you ban people will find a way to get around it.

Anyway, on to the post. Another thing I hear is that if God truly knew His creation He wouldn't allow such a monstrosity to exist. Ok, I'll entertain that thought. Lets say for argument sake polygyny was indeed forbidden in Islam and the only allowable relationship was monogamy.

What would happen to a man who does INDEED have a strong libido? and please don't tell me that men don't, SOME DO. Should he have his wife and his mistresses on the side? Should he suck it up and stay with this one woman even though he is not happy, she knows it, the children know it. So what then?

What about a woman who cannot have children because she is unable to conceive and the man truly wants children of his OWN. Should he divorce her and pursue his dream since he can only have one wife at a time? Or as women we would demand he stayed with his wife even though he would be unhappy. I get a lot of feminist really pist off with this suggestion because they say it lowers women to the status of breeders. But these same women believe a woman SHOULD pursue her dream of having children if it is her husband who is unable to conceive. This also lowers men to the status of breeders and I believe that if men ONLY had one choice then women WOULD be lowered to a status of breeders vs non breeders.

Who would marry a woman like that if a man only had one slot? Doesn't she deserve to have someone love her and take care of her? Wouldn't it be unfair to the man? It would also be detrimental to society if women were left out to dry like this as can be clearly seen when we abandon the sunnah in the Muslim majority countries. In a perfect world she would find a man she finds attractive and desirable to take care of her in a monogamous setting. In a perfect world men would keep their promises and not change their minds so often. We don't live in a perfect world and despite what some men will say to get their way, there is always that possibility of him wanting some in the future. HE is only human, his desires, likes and dislikes change over time. And if he does indeed change his mind later but he loves his wife and wouldn't want to divorce her and take away her status as a wife but he wants children that leaves him and his wife in limbo doesn't it? You can always count on people wanting choices and not being limited.

What about women who positively DO NOT want to have children shouldn't they be married? if we lower women to the status of breeders most men would pass on her. Marriage in Islam encompasses much more than just procreation, it is important to the deen, to raising healthy families, its halal companionship that will catapult them in to jannah or hellfire...

What about women who don't want to deal with their husbands every day and prefer to have it both ways? Have the companionship of a man, the status and comforts that come with that and keep their independence? Like being FREED from him on certain days so she could be herself and not have to worry about ANYTHING or feel the pressure that she has to be his be-all end-all.

What about the women who are in love with married men? If he is not allowed to marry her then she will only become a mistress without rights, her children wont be recognized or inherit from their father. Would the fact that he cannot go through in a halal manner stop him? probably not since most of us fall victim to our nafs on a daily basis but we hold others to incredibly high standards. There is no halal solution for him or her.

As a Latina I see this A LOT in my community (happens in every community but my experience is with my own). I see wives tormented wondering if every time their husband are going out they are cheating with their mistresses. I see mistresses looked down upon by the community as sluts, I see children not recognized and go fatherless. I have seen men try to give these women status and fail. I have seen men relish this situation because they don't have to assume responsibility. After all, she is a slut for wanting to be loved and taken care of by the man of her choosing. How fair is that to her? Would there ever be a dignified future for her?

btw In my community back in El Salvador there wasn't a single marriage where men were faithful to their monogamous vows. In the Latin community in the USA I came across ONE family where the husband had not cheated on his wife and sadly it wasn't my mother's marriage to my stepfather. ALL of my moms friends knew of their husband indiscretions and also children from the women they were STILL seeing and although it was a bitter pill to swallow they had come to terms with it. It was actually the first thing they talked about when they got together. However, you try to give these men and women a halal option that would force these men to be accountable to Allah and provide status to all the women and children involved and they revolt. As long as he can't marry the b*tch, they were ok.

What about widows with children? and I HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT! When people say "lets support her financially" a woman is not a charity case. She is a woman with needs, expectations and fancies. Her libido does not die and get buried when her husband dies. She deserves to start a life however she pleases either being in a monogamous setting or in a polygamous setting and be recognized.

We need rules and not everyone will be happy with the outcome 100% of the time. I think Islam gives humanity options, option to be monogamous or polygamous with restrictions. We need to be aware that whenever we look at something it is tainted by our own views due to our upbringing or our society's standard and therefore we need to step back and realize Allah swt is a Just and forgiving and if we don't understand it then we need to take a closer look. Ask Allah swt to clarify the matter for you and give you understanding of the deen.

If monogamy was the only relationship allowed the argument you would hear from the same people who think polygyny is just plain wrong.

WELL, If Allah swt truly knew His creation, He would know that whims and desires of His creation and that some people are not equipped to handle monogamy. A Just God would not force people in to a ONE SIZE FITS ALL situation and expect them to be happy.

So the real issue after this long post is that their problem is not polgyny. Its really with Allah swt as the only Lord, Islam as a religion and Muhammad (saw) as the Messenger.

{edit} Knowing His creation Allah swt gives us ways out of our indiscretions with halal alternatives (monogamy, polygamy, divorce etc.). Instead of living in sin and fall further victim to our desires He gave us options. Whether we like them or not, whether we practice them properly or not. The options are there and we will held accountable for partaking in them on the day of Judgment.

Make du'a for our brothers, sisters and friends in Australia!

2011-01-15T00:28:00.002-05:00

Brisbane, Australia's third-largest city, is bracing for massive flooding amid rising river levels and heavy rains. The Brisbane river is expected to rise 5.5 metres above its normal level by Thursday. Tens of thousands of residents have been asked to move out after sandbagging their homes and stockpiling food.

May you, your family and friends be saved from this calamity and are able to rebuild your lives. AMEEN. May Allah swt have mercy on us all and grant us expiation for our sins. AMEEN.

ps. Strengthen the ummah make du'a!

pps. Brazil, UK and Sri Lanka also had flooding, keep them in your du'as as well.

I See Death Squads...

2011-01-14T14:03:00.002-05:00

the following statement about Tunisia's current turmoil sent me in to a small panic attack and I'll explain why.

The state of emergency decree bans more than three people from gathering together in the open, and imposes a night-time curfew. Security forces have been authorised to open fire on people not obeying their orders. read more

that is EXACTLY what happened in El Salvador during the civil war that ended in 1993 (the year I escaped). These death squads patrolled the streets and anyone caught out after 6 was shot dead. They also used to drag people out of their homes and shoot them in the streets. *shudder* The streets were littered with bodies, mothers crying for their fallen children, women raped and executed, children witnessing all of this. YA ALLAH! Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Not again, ya Allah not again. Have mercy on my brothers and sisters all over the world. Please grant them affiyah in their affairs and this dunya.

Ya Allah! grant my Tunisian brothers and sisters JUSTICE, please keep them safe from the injustice of the unjust. Grant them a just ruler. AMEEN.

They say security forces I see death squads.

would LOVE to win this home but....

2011-01-13T22:58:00.005-05:00

I am a HUGE fan of HGTV's programming and LOVE their annual Dream Home Sweepstakes. Every year since 2006 I have dreamt about winning it and for the duration of the contest I dream. I dream about what I would do with the money or the house.

SELL it!
NO! KEEP it!
I DON'T KNOW! Stop asking me!

yeah, its good to dream. This year I entered like I always enter and for the first time I am actually making du'a I DON'T win it. Weird but after doing research on past winners and the vitriol said about them. Its NOT worth it. If they were calling FOUL on a Katrima survivor winning the house and money in 2010, imagine what would be said if a MUSLIM wins it? and a NIQABI at that. With the current state of affairs of political nastiness, people firing in to a crowd, attempting to kill a congresswoman and killing a 9 yr old and a federal judge instead. The rampant Islamophobia, opposition to the community center NEAR ground zero as well as all the other masajid around the country. Oh, and lets not forget Europe's fascination with banning the niqab as well as our Canadian neighbors.

If people were already suspecting that the contest was rigged AND they were mad that one person didn't show enough gratitude, that another didn't deserve it because he already owned a home or that a Katrina survivor with an autistic adult son were chosen, I think they would riot if I won. I fit too many hot topic issues a Muslim woman, who wears niqab, who is a latin immigrant and a stay at home mom. People get angry when they feel they were not playing on an equal footing and then to have it go to a member of a group that its ok to be racist against is just too much.

I think some crazy might attempt to burn the house down because a Muslim doesn't deserve it or down right attempt to take the winner's life. I am still dreaming though, it is a pretty house and I love real estate just that from today on I wont be entering anymore (there are 35days left to the contest). Anyone entering?

ps. I like to browse online real estate postings to see the inside of homes, how it was decorated, pricing strategy and s on. SO this Dream Home with 360* views and unlimited pictures is a wet dream for a real estate stalker like me....also adds to my terror of some crazy knowing the EXACT schematics and blue print.

{EDIT} my tap water is usually pretty good but after some work it is giving me FOUL smelling water so am drinking gatorade lemon lime and UGH it taste like salty water. EWW! Alhamdulillah that I had and soon inshaAllah will have clean water again. Didn't appreciate it until it was gone.

{EDIT} LET ME DREAM! This is an elaborate dream in my head so don't kill it! They can't take my dreams!

taking pictures of hijabs is harder than it looks

2011-01-13T14:41:00.001-05:00

for the last couple of days I have been working on photographing and setting up hijabs for sale and OMG is it difficult. First I tried it just wrapping it on a dress form mannequin and it looked like a plain o' scarf. Then I tried all kinds of creative ways but it still ended up looking like a scarf. Finally had to dish out a couple of dollars to buy a head mannequin fell in love with one that reminded me of a flapper from the 20's but I could already hear the army of haraam police on their way. but dang was she a cutie!

I grudgingly bought a plain gold and white shiny head mannequins and like magic scarves became hijabs. YEAH BABY! I decided that my plain white wall would do just fine as a background but boy was I mistaken. Photoshop was not very friendly towards my clearly amazing pictures. :( SO I then tried to get fancy with a "green screen" aka green towel...yeah its like that. It worked until my toddler moved my lights. Now I am spending just as many minutes trying to remove the background as I was with the plain white wall.

All awesome hijab picture taking experts...I salute you. AND if you would like to share some insights with me that would totally be awesome!

ps....will need to photograph all 160 something hijabs. not cool

Reminds me of simpler times....chinita ;)

2011-01-09T17:38:00.002-05:00

Reminds me of my childhood...the happier times.

En un bosque de la china la chinita se perdió
como yo andaba perdido nos encontramos lo dos
En un bosque de la china la chinita se perdió
como yo andaba perdido nos encontramos lo dos
Era de noche y la chinita
tenía miedo miedo tenía de andar solita
anduvo un rato y se sentó
junto a la china junto a la china me senté yo
y yo que si y ella que no
y yo que si y ella que no
y al cabo fuimos y al cabo fuimos
y al cabo fuimos de una opinión
bajo el cielo de la China
la chinita se sentó
y la luna en ese instante
indiscreta la besó
luna envidiosa
luna importuna
tenía celos celos tenía de mi fortuna

does anyone lese think its a little bit racist?

Vote & Help Al Amaanah Receive a $25,000 Grant from Pepsi!

2011-01-08T11:52:00.001-05:00

Vote & Help Al Amaanah Receive a $25,000 Grant from Pepsi!

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Cause: Al Amaanah 25k Pepsi grant
Objective: to vote 4x a day for the duration of January 2011 so Al Amaanah wins the grant! (inshaAllah)
Summary: Pepsi has selected an Al Amaanah project as a potential for receiving a $25,000 grant. For our selected project, we want to help a group of refugees (ages 9-15 year olds) by entering them into an After School Program. We need funds to transport them every day after school safely. We need your help to make it successful.

THIS IS HOW YOU CAN HELP

There are 4 ways to vote. YES FOUR! Alhamdulillah with your help we can help Al Amaanah win the Pepsi Refresh 25K grant and all you have to do is to vote and pass this post on to your friends and family!

Vote Online: Go to http://www.refresheverything.com/refugees. This will take you to the Al Amaanah Pepsi voting page. Click "Vote for this Idea". Register once and then you are all set.

DOUBLE our votes by voting on Facebook: HERE You will see the Al Amanaah project below the search bar. Click "Vote for this Idea". If you do not see the project, "type REFUGEE" into the search bar. You must allow the application first.

TRIPLE our votes by Texting your Vote: Text 105151 to Pepsi (73774) (Normal text rates apply).

QUADRUPLE our votes by voting on an iPhone, iPod Touch, or iPad using the Pepsi app! (Download it here).

If you need help reminding you to vote sign up below and we will send ONE email out a day with the above instructions!

*THIS FORM IS ONLY FOR VOTING REMINDERS ONCE A DAY FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE CONTEST* Pink Anonymous does not sell, share or rents any information collected for the purpose of this drive and other Pink Anonymous drives.

ps. DON'T forget to make du'a as well as nothing can be done without the mercy and permission of Allah swt.

Hijab Life: SOLID Colored Pashmina style hijabs

2011-01-07T04:27:00.001-05:00

Hijab Life: SOLID Colored Pashmina style hijabs: "UPDATE: Still working on my store so I will post some of my stock here. These SOLID color pashmina style hijab with modest proportions is ..."

Alhamdulillah I finally have my hijab stock but am still working on the store and taking pictures. Apparently its harder than it looks. Make du'a for me! JazakAllah khayran. ")

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

2010-12-28T21:16:00.001-05:00

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

May Allah swt help them get a new shelter and adequate funding. AMEEN

its so FLUFFFY!!!

2010-12-23T11:55:00.001-05:00

NO explanation needed....watch BOTH

I just got played!

2010-12-18T09:13:00.003-05:00

my husband went to work today and left me with a wailing toddler in our room "BAABAAA! BAAABAAAAA!" I actually fell a sleep after fajr so I have only slept for 2 or so hours. I got up told him in no uncertain terms he needed to stop that right now. He did. Maybe the fact that he had been "crying" for nearly 15 minutes and there were no tears on his face nor was it remotely pink should have given me heads up. but Alas, I was a zombie! I go back under the covers and I hear "MAAAMIIII! MAAAAAAMIIIIII!! FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" Call it parental guilt or what have you I got up because the poor boy asked for food.

Just because I decided stupidly to stay awake so I can prepare for fasting today doesn't mean he has to pay for my poor judgment. I get up and stumble towards the door, my bladder informing me that if I didn't make it to the bathroom I was gonna have to explain to my toddler why Mami peed in a spot he is not allowed to pee in. When I left the bathroom and started rummaging in the fridge for my sons food, his grandfather comes by and tells me "Oh, JUST fed him a couple of minutes ago."

well played son, well played. Now am here typing in my blog with a couple of hours of sleep and my sleep is gone. I am still tired and my newborn (who is actually 3 months today! mashaAllah) keeps looking at me all dewey eye and excited, like she and I are gonna be playing something....My son's aunt took pity on him for wailing and is right now taking care of him. Normally I wouldn't let this slide by or it becomes a bigger ordeal later but I am just too physically and mentally tired to deal with it right now. I know that by taking the easy way today I will have to pay hard later. Habits start somewhere and today I got played.

ahhhh Alhamdulillah.

had a tooth pulled...not cool

2010-12-15T00:16:00.002-05:00

I hate dealing with receptionists and their attitudes. Waited almost 2 hours to get a tooth pulled that took only 2 minutes at most. It itches but alhamdulillah a clot has formed. I think it maybe the chemo days of my childhood coming back to haunt me because I almost had a panic attack waiting for the dentists. I have such a dislike for medical procedures that I would probably need to be sedated in order for professionals to perform the simplest of medical tasks on me.

I have 2 other teeth to pull and although the extraction bit was EASY BREEZY and no complications or even pain once the anesthesia wore off (felt only itchiness and pressure) I still dread it. I dread it with a passion. I am personally convinced that if I ever go in to a hospital to give birth I will most definitely need a cesarean for failure to progress. Am dead serious. Hospitals freak me out and giving birth at home was more personal and peaceful for all parties involved....well maybe not the neighbors ;) Probably should have given them heads up about the birth but that is another story. Inshaallah will tell it soon.

Now I looked at myself in the mirror and I can't help but feel self conscious about the gap. :( NOT sexy. :( What I have considered is since I have an overbite to go to an orthodontist and get braces (yea I KNOW! definitely not sexy) to straighten my teeth and to reduce the gap....nah I mean?

I considered invisaling but since my hubs is unemployed it is WAY out of my budget so metal braces it is. I guess it makes me happy that I wear niqab and the outside world wont see me with braces at 25. Alhamdulillah. BUT the one that matters is hubs and I DO care about my looks for him even though he said he is already coming up with jokes for me. Why do men think its funny to make jokes about things that make their wives self conscious? beats me.

so off to search for metal mouth dentistas. I dread it. am scared.

Kamal El-Mekki on musica

2010-12-14T23:59:00.002-05:00

thoughts?

:)

2010-12-11T02:48:00.001-05:00

I wear my scars with pride.
I'm found in the nourishment of pain.
I'm felt in the bliss of love.
I'm thumped under the feet of betrayals.
I'm risen by the faith.
I'm seen in the dark.
I'm hope.
I hide behind your hurt.
by Hina Baig

stolen from UmmOmar

Justice

2010-12-06T06:12:00.002-05:00

Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.

Surat 'Ali `Imran, 185

This ayat makes me feel better whenever I have bitter emotions. I will get my justice.

Dealing with the aftermath of rape

2010-11-28T00:38:00.003-05:00

So most of you know that I was raped for many years as a child and I have managed thus far to be a well adjusted individual, who is well liked and for the most part doesn't cause trouble...you know average. Well my postpartum depression hit me with a vengeance and in hopes of avoiding meds because I distrust them plus it is very important to me to breastfeed my baby girl, I have been seeing a counselor. The last couple of times I met with her we were trying to figure out WHY I didn't have postpartum with my son but I did with my daughter.

Her conclusion was that by giving birth to a girl I was forced to deal with my past.

The moment that my daughter was born and I mean the moment she came out and was placed in my arms, the first thoughts that crossed my mind were of dismay. I was saddened because she was a girl and life is so hard for the female gender. The second thought was ALHAMDULILLAH she is a girl! no circumcision!! You guys have no idea how distraught I was the first time after going through an un medicated birth just to have my newborn circumcised (2 weeks later but it was still traumatic for me).

Anyway the birth of my daughter has shaken me up to the core. Somehow my coping mechanisms don't work, 3 years of repressed memories are very S L O W L Y resurfacing and I am a lost 3 yr old again. I fear for her. I fear that she wont be happy, that she would suffer what I suffered, that she would get a crappy husband, be a victim of a crime etc, etc. etc. I look at her and my heart loves her, from head to toe and am angry that it is affecting me so. I am strong dang it! I am strong! He will not ruin my children's lives like he did to mine.

Its a mix bag on the one hand am angry that I was raped while undergoing chemo and on the other I don't feel like taking vengeance on the perpetrator (60 yr old at the time) or the facilitators (his wife et. al). I know that every soul will taste death and every soul will get justice and I trust Allah swt. But forgiving them is one thing but the scars are another. The damage that has been done despite my denials HAS affected me in ways that I never expected.

My lovely baby girl has open some old wounds and insecurities but they are finally being dealt with and healed. La ilaha ila Allah.

belated EID MUBARAK!!

2010-11-17T18:03:00.003-05:00

Eid Mubarak Brothers and Sisters! Taqabbal Allahu Minna wa Minkum, May Allah accept from us and from you. InshaAllah you have/had a blessed Eid with family and friends.

The unthinkable just happened!

2010-11-13T11:23:00.003-05:00

OH MA GAWD! I didn't think it was possible but it finally happened, I disapproved/disagreed with Jo Frost's recommendation to keep a newborn IN their car seat when NOT in a car (Season 7 Episode2 Peterfreund Family). OMG. OMG. Here is a article with more details on why that is a HORRIBLE idea.

In 1995, a study was done on infants’ oxygenation levels in their car seats. Normal oxygenation levels – that is, the amount of oxygen circulating in the blood stream attached to red blood cells – range between 97-99% in a healthy term infant in optimal positioning. Any oxygenation level below about 90% is considered “hypoxia” – the baby is not receiving enough oxygen, and brain damage can result if that level is sustained. Shockingly, healthy, full-term newborns placed in correctly positioned car seats had oxygen levels that went as low as 83.7%. In the hospital, such levels would bring teams of nurses scrambling to the infant’s rescue. While not all infants’ oxygenation levels reached such depths, there was a consistent finding that the longer the baby spent in the car seat, the lower their oxygen levels would go, until the baby was removed from the seat.

The study was repeated in 2005, with the same results.

You know these parents should really consider buying a sling, a mei tai or another safe baby carrier as it makes it easier to go about your biz, play with the older children while keeping the newborn safe and being nurtured. I LOVE my sling and its something I cannot live without it simplifies my life and its easy on me to take care of an overly active toddler while still giving my newborn the attention it needs.

PS. not every sling is safe check this well written article about safety

[edit] by "THESE" parents I mean the parents featured on the show not the parents featured in the study.

Ahhhhh! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2010-11-12T03:58:00.004-05:00

as salaamu aalaykum!

sorry for the lack of posts but my life has been hectic with a trip to the hospital for my toddler and newborn. I am dealing with post partum depression TOTALLY sucks. Alhamdulillah am fine and its not severe enough to need medication but its still a kick in the gonads for me.

broke down a couple of times got angry at hubs....currently still angry...what else?

oh yea, I was on one of my friend's profile (a shutterbug) and I found a picture of me back in 2007 with niqab acting a fool in another friend's baby shower. WELL, the pictures are hilarious but am kinda of embarrassed at the same time. Those gang signs were meant for my friends only and why the heck did someone NOT tell me I had food on my niqab? I mean seriously people. Seriously. I know I was a niqab newbie at the time but dang the stain wasn't part of the act. Know what I mean jelly bean?

AWWW the humiliation 3+ years later! but still.
{PIC REMOVED SORRY}

aint right I tell you. AINT RIGHT.
{PIC REMOVED SORRY}

ps. WHY did I think doing gang signs in niqab was cool back then is beyond me. Cut me a break I was 21 almost 22 at the time, practically a BABY.

I would KEEEEL him!

2010-11-04T16:05:00.002-04:00

I think I may have a problem...

2010-10-22T18:46:00.001-04:00

"you are cordially invited an official meeting of Facebook Over-Users Anonymous. We meet here 24 hours a day; 7 days a week. Glad you could join us!"

Hi my name is Tuttie and I am an facebook over-user. *tears*

When I was in labor with my baby girl (09/18/2010) I had the presence of mind to update my status in between contractions...and post a dua request on du'a request line. Followed by an update afterward.

Last night I had a splitting migraine and I had puked my guts out and I couldn't sit in front of my computer to update my status to let y'all know so I used my cell. It didn't help my migraine staring at a small screen in the dark around 2 AM but I did it.

OH GAWD! I need help! dang facebook is more addictive than crack... So yeah I think I may have a problem.

ps. imagine how awesome my iman would be if use this level of commitment and memorized the Qur'an? I suck.

Allah's Love

2010-10-14T14:52:00.001-04:00

this post is in reference to LK's post on God's love (HERE) which was inspired by Nikki's post (HERE). I just copy pasted my answer to these wonderful ladies below.

taken from Tafsir Ibn Kathir.

The meaning of Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim.

Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim are two names derived from Ar-Rahman (the Mercy), but Rahman has more meanings that pertain to mercy than Ar-Rahim...

...Al-Qurtubi said, "It was said that both Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim have the same meaning, such as the words Nadman and Nadim, as Abu 'Ubayda has stated. Abu 'Ali Al-Farsi said 'Ar-Rahman, which is exclusively for Allah, is a name that encompasses every type of mercy that Allah has. Ar Rahim is what effects the believers, for Allah said,

And He is ever Rahim (merciful) to the believers. 33:43

Also ibn 'Abbas said -about Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, they are two soft names, one of them is softer than the other (meaning it carries more implications of mercy).

Ibn Jarir said: As-Surri bin Yahya At-Tamimi narrated to me that 'Uthman bin Zufar related that Al-'Azrami said about Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, "He is Ar-Rahman with all creation and Ar-Rahim with the believers." hence Allah's statements,

Then He rose over (Istawa) the Throne (in a manner that suits His majesty), Ar-Rahman.25:59 and,

Ar-Rahman (Allah) rose over (Istawa) the (Mighty) Throne (in a manner that suits His Majesty). 20:5.

Allah thus mentioned the Istawa- rising over the Throne along with His name Ar-Rahman, to indicate that His mercy encompasses all of His creations. Allah also said,

And He is ever Rahim (merciful) to the believers. Thus encompassing the believers with His Name Ar-Rahim. They said, "this testifies to the fact that Ar-Rahman carries a broader scope of meanings pertaining to the mercy of Allah with His creation in both lives. Meanwhile, Ar-Rahim is exclusively for the believers."

to read more buy the book :)

ps. LOVING my newborn sorry for the lack of updates...will get up on that soon. inshaAllah.

DeAr kids...

2010-09-23T12:34:00.001-04:00

I am submitting my sleeping schedule for your approval. Thank you for your time and consideration.

love,
Mommy aka AMMAAAAAAAAAAAA!, Ma, mom, Mum, Mamiiiii.

vikush

ITS A GIRL!

2010-09-19T14:33:00.001-04:00

As Salaamu Aalaykum!

My baby girl was born Sept 18 @ 11:54PM at home, my 2nd homebirth. It was a very short but INTENSE labor. Everything went well my midwives were amazing, mashaAllah, may Allah swt grant them and their families hidayah.ameen. We didn't know the gender so it was a nice surprise at the end. ALhamdulillah. Both baby and I are fine although the father is totally freaked out...something about hitting the gym to 'beef' up.

I will be inactive for quite sometime while I bond with my newborn and help my toddler adjust to sharing. Please keep us in your du'as. ameen.

Thank you all for your du'as they meant a lot to me.

ps. If you follow me on facebook or my pages you got this same message. SORRY. I only had enough time to copy paste it. :) Make du'a for me :)

I poop on your silly rules...

2010-09-12T11:15:00.001-04:00

this is how I feel right now...

A little secret I have been keeping...

2010-09-10T16:13:00.002-04:00

I told my friends (offline) and a couple of sisters I met online. I have been DYING to share with you all but my husband insisted I wait and wait and wait. If you are on my facebook then you know what it is as I did share there unbeknown to hubby. THE NEWS? I am currently 38 almost 39 weeks pregnant about 11 days to go until the due date and am exhausted.

I was able to fast most of the month of Ramadan but had to stop towards the end because my tooth pain aka tooth infection was causing too much discomfort and my body was dealing with all that infection going to the kidneys and what not. So that was kinda disappointing as I was looking forward to a full month of Ramadan goodness. I am inshaAllah having a homebirth again as it was an amazing and empowering experience with my son. Health wise I am above average, blood work is excellent, placenta in an awesome place and all around wellness. I would like for you guys to make du'a for me and I will make a quick post if I have time letting you know if labor started.

I don't know what I am having as I wanted a surprise just like before with my son. That's all for now folks as I can't sit for too long because its not comfortable...

ps. when I lay down I feel like a beached whale....uff

EID MUBARAK!

2010-09-10T07:35:00.001-04:00

Alhamdulillah EID is here! I am ready, pumped and still riding the Ramadan high! I started memorizing Qur'an again and got 6 verses down today. WOW subhanaAllah you stop for a little bit and its so hard to get back on.

Make du'a that Allah swt makes it easy for me to memorize, practice and live the Qur'an. AMEEN.

May you enjoy your EID, may we continue to strive to do good deeds and may we stay on tawheed. AMEEN

HalalFactor

Don't Worry...

2010-09-09T15:34:00.003-04:00

this is a repost from my Hijab Life blog, I just wanted to share...

-=-=-=-=-

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Peace be with you السلام عليك

Alhamdulillah. I wasn't really worried about the fringe fanatics trying to incite violence by burning the Qur'an since its the proper way of disposing of such a beautiful and holy book anyways. I also didn't feel that they deserved to be mentioned by name as to not increase their notoriety but I decided to post the below statement from Lupe Fiasco because it is so true. WE really need to stop being so reactionary and be more proactive in how the community sees us and how we interact with the community at large as well.

"If they burn a book, have no worries. The book will feel NO pain so neither should you! True destruction of the Qur'an cannot be done with fire; it is destroyed when we fail to remember practice its lessons in our daily lives. If this occurs, then it is ANOTHER fire that you should truly be concerned about!" -Lupe Fiasco on Twitter

I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship but Allah swt and Muhammad (saw) is His messenger. I am pleased with Allah swt as my Lord, Muhammad (saw) as my Messenger and Islam as my religion. LA ILAHA ILA ALLAH!

JUST JEW IT!

2010-09-09T14:34:00.001-04:00

lol! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!

I got it from a fb ad about making Jewish friends. I was like I LOVE THAT LOGO! Whoever is responsible for their marketing campaign needs a raise or needs to get hired ASAP.

Capitulation

2010-09-08T01:35:00.003-04:00

things Muslims do because they have no sense of self esteem or gonads. Act like a worm and people will step on you. So far they are GLEEFULLY doing it and I no longer feel bad for them. You want other than your Rabb so prepare for humiliation. You will NOT find honor looking for it from anyone but Allah swt until you learn that lesson keep being an inflatable doll for public use.

^^^what he said ^^^

Toxic

2010-09-05T03:23:00.003-04:00

Alhamdulillah I live in an almost fitnah free environment. I am not exposed to extensive backbiting or other detrimental behavior either from my in laws (immediate) or my friends. Maybe its because of this that when I do encounter it (mainly online) it feels like someone smacked me, punched me and threw cold water on me.

The fitnah people start just because they can or in the ruse of self expression is enormous. SubhanaAllah there is this sister who I accepted a friend request from because we have similar backgrounds and what not (plus she kept trying to add me even after I kept refusing it) is ticking me off. Why ask a controversial question that is a wedge issue among Muslim women and then get offended when given an answer is beyond me.

There really was no benefit in the rhetorical question whatsoever. It was insulting enough for those committing the alleged transgression to dig in their heels and refuse to reform and at the same time it gave a self righteous platform for others (who GLADLY took advantage of it). It was just awful behavior on display. We are in the last 10 nights of Ramadan why not focus on productive things or actions that will take you to jannah? I stand by my belief that life is like a wheel, sometimes you are on the top but as long as the car keeps moving you will eventually end up on the ground, possibly being smeared in to the mud. So why act all self righteous? What if Allah swt tests you with what the people you are ridiculing were tested?

I removed her from my friends list because even though I have NEVER met the chick she brings so much drama to my online world. The only reason I would even attempt to keep such a toxic person nearby is if I was emotionally invested in her (like a friend in need), someone I grew up with or family members. Seeing as she is neither I deleted her.

Anyway, I am eternally grateful at the sisterhood I have been offered by my blog readers on this blog, my other blogs and on facebook. I am grateful to the awesome women I have met offline who exemplify the Islamic code of ethics, manners and sisterhood. I thank Allah swt that I was not afflicted with worst things. I thank Allah swt that I am as healthy as I can possibly be, that I am in a safe relationship, that I have shelter, food, drink and love. I thank Allah swt for all the good I have been blessed with and I ask Allah swt to forgive me for my shortcomings. ameen.

ps. SubhanaAllah. the fact that I felt the need to post on here about it is annoying enough for me to implement a zero tolerance policy with fitnah. Its draining and unproductive.

pps. This not only applies to Muslim women as I have had non Muslim women bring as much fitnah in to my life as well as offering me their friendship and treating me like family. I don't believe in the Muslim women vs Non Muslim women bit. We are all humans and as such subjected to the human condition its flaws and awesomeness. As a Muslim you should know better because you have guidance and direct orders on how to treat your fellow human being.

May Allah swt give us all hidayah. ameen.

LEGALIZE IT, TIME TO RECOGNIZE IT!

2010-09-04T08:39:00.008-04:00

no, am not advocating one way or the other, its just that when I read this article the first thing that came to mine was Sean Paul singing "legalize it..."

I also kept thinking of a teenager being pulled over by the cops and the kid saying "it aint me officer! I swear! its the CAR!"

or of the neighborhood potheads (you know each hood has them) chasing the cars just like dogs do just to get a whiff...lol. The possibilities are ENDLESS!

"Hippies, rejoice: The world's first cannabis electric car may soon hit the roads of Canada. And guess what? The amusing auto is a truly inspiring feat of engineering.

Developed by Alberta-based Motive Industries, the car prototype—known as the Kestrel—is made from a biocomposite partly derived from local hemp. Because the material is uber-light, it reduces the car's electricity consumption. And it's cheaper, more renewable and less health-hazardous than standard fiberglass to boot. (The only possible hitch so far is the speed of the vehicle. It is projected to max out just under 60 miles an hour at maximum.)"

Trying to Take Over the World!

First day of homeschooling

I've Gone MAD!

The french taliban

Cheating at Laylatul Qadr

I MOVED!

I am leaving BLOGGER

Help East Africa....Ange from Mama, I married a Masri

ATTACK OF THE KILLER NIQABI CYBORGS!

Birthday cheer (yaaay!)

CRAP!

am touched! *tears*

OH GAWD SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!

Du'a Request: Abeerah

You hear me Hubby!

Why You So Stupid Netflix? (rant)

thats the TRUTH

I Screwed Up...BIG

This is gross but am compelled to share....

I ♡ Cloth Diapering

Chasing Jannah: "Um, sorry. I don't want to marry you afterall..." and a Few Other Issues Concerning a Potential Muslim Husband

AWW, shucks

ama thug it...yeah that's what I'll do!

but, but, but WHY?!

Trifling Machines of INFINITE CUTENESS!

I want to quit blogging

I submitted my application to FIT NYC!

DAMN am pretty!

DNA testing on racists

ha, ha, ha

May she heal completely

I am running for a scholarship and sucking majorly *du'as needed*

WORK IT!

So 3 years later I contacted someone....I am fast like that

Anyone have an Etsy account?

Bullying?! Attempted murder is more likey it

sucks being broke...

If you *REALLY* love me you would make du'a for me

RAMADAN BATTLE PLAN 2011

I am 5 years old!

OH THE PAIN!!

Food FIGHT! ♥: Starting Information...

Why even bother?

Parenting and an update

and it just keeps on going

I am going through a miscarriage

Hello?

for the love of GOD!

Moment Killer

Hate comes to the OC and Islam proliferates

dumps

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

Egyptians, YOU ARE AWESOME!

I am going to make a MASH UP of the protest

its the TOOOOOOOTHHH!!

OMG! in order to save the UNIVERSE(s) Peter must become polygamous!

*shakes fist at screen* SOMETHING, SOMETHING HOSNI MUBARAK!

Had to go to the hospital :(

in case of DELETION go here :)

i you can sit, you can get fit!

How to avoid the Muslm Sex tape....

Why didn't they say something?

Men and Logic is there such a thing?

She's a very kinky girl,The kind you don't take home to mother,She will never let your spirits down,Once you get her off the street, Ow girl...That girl is pretty wild now,...*The girl's a super freak*,The kind of girl you read about,

Mental BLEACH!!!

Show some compassion, Dammit!

Quit embarrassing me!!

I have a daughter. OMG I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!

In the case of 3 yr old Janaynay and Keshawn, Ken you are NOT! the father

I am sorrry

Monogamy, its not for everyone.

Make du'a for our brothers, sisters and friends in Australia!

I See Death Squads...

would LOVE to win this home but....

taking pictures of hijabs is harder than it looks

Reminds me of simpler times....chinita ;)

Vote & Help Al Amaanah Receive a $25,000 Grant from Pepsi!

Hijab Life: SOLID Colored Pashmina style hijabs

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

its so FLUFFFY!!!

am touched! tears

I am running for a scholarship and sucking majorly du'as needed

If you REALLY love me you would make du'a for me

shakes fist at screen SOMETHING, SOMETHING HOSNI MUBARAK!

She's a very kinky girl,
The kind you don't take home to mother,
She will never let your spirits down,
Once you get her off the street, Ow girl...
That girl is pretty wild now,
...The girl's a super freak,
The kind of girl you read about,