November 30, 2012

In search of mercy

As Salaamu Aalaykum!

I've been feeling down. I'm expecting and due sometime at the end of January/beginning of February. So far I've dealt with hyperemesis and one complication after another. The last 3 months have been BRUTAL. Slowly my iman, health and patience have deteriorated to levels I never suspected. I've been consumed with things that neither bring me benefit nor relief. Survived Hurricane Sandy with minimal damage but had to stay with my in laws for close to a month due to a damage roof etc. My health finally hit rock bottom in the 2nd week of Nov and I was being antagonized passive aggressively by some numbnut I'm related to.

Today my toddlers and I are dealing with 102 fevers, colds and sore throats. I'm tired.

I'm SO very tired.

Trying to stay positive but its just been a rough year. Seems I've been having A LOT of rough years maybe I'm not meant to have happiness in this world and all of it is stored for me in the hereafter. Who knows. All I've been doing is complain, complain, complain. I feel like a broken record that no one cares about. I keep it together for my babies, may Allah swt have mercy on them and grant them good and ease in this life and the next.

I tried opening up to someone today but instead it backfired. At least I still have my very neglected blog. Thank you for reading this. I feel like I'm putting my message in a bottle in the hopes someone will read it and make du'a for us. Please.


maitotheextreme said...

As salaamu alaykum wa RahmatUllahi wa Barakatuh Tutster, my dear, sweet, chewed up toffee!

What to do when you're chewed up? Well, rather than give you the "do not" list, I will give you the "to do" list.

1. Say "Al hamdu l'Illah!" every time something hard or harder comes to you. Say it FIRST, before you have any time to say something else that might well be in your mind. It will remind you not to be displeased with Allah's decree and it will also remind you that Allah is wiping away your sins and elevating your rank in Jennah with all these tests. Tests are for those He LOVES, so remember He loves you a lot and wants the best for you.
2. Say (after al hamdu l'Illah), "Qadr Allahu wa maa shaa fa'al," because when you remember that it is Allah's Preordainment then it takes on a different slant. This isn't "life" dealing you blows, this is all part of a Master Plan.
3. Say (after 1 and 2), "Inna ma'al oosray yusra" (Verily with every difficulty there is relief) to remember that relief WILL come and Allah's soothing Mercy is close. It is closer when you accept His tests with patience and gratefulness, appreciating what they will bring to you. The ease will come, and soon inshaa'Allah.

4. Hug a lot - your babies, your husband, your loved ones. It will remind you that there are people around you who love you and are there for you.

Okay...khutbah is over. I've picked up the bottle. See, it got all the way to Madinah, subhaan Allah! You've got my dua' and I'll make a special intention to include you in my tahajjud prayers as well. May Allah shower you with His blessings, mercy, guidance, shifaa, and increase in you everything that He loves - ameen!

Love, love, and more love,


.::Tuttie::. said...

wa aalaykum as salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!
Oh Mai! you've no idea how much this means to me! I'm usually an upbeat person but I think I need to say Alhamdulillah and slowly release the pain. Once its out in the world its out of my head.

jazakAllah khayran for the du'a. I need them terribly.

KittySigurdardottir. said...

I will pray for your healing too dear Tuttie.

NeverEver said...

Aw tuttie... I was gonna say some awesome stuff, but I think mashaAllah Mai said it first.

We love you, and I am so happy to see you back on the blog alhamdulillah. It was dreary without you. xoxoxo

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Prayers for your health and well-being. I didn't realize that we were due so close together! I'm aiming for mid to late January :)