November 30, 2012

In search of mercy

As Salaamu Aalaykum!

I've been feeling down. I'm expecting and due sometime at the end of January/beginning of February. So far I've dealt with hyperemesis and one complication after another. The last 3 months have been BRUTAL. Slowly my iman, health and patience have deteriorated to levels I never suspected. I've been consumed with things that neither bring me benefit nor relief. Survived Hurricane Sandy with minimal damage but had to stay with my in laws for close to a month due to a damage roof etc. My health finally hit rock bottom in the 2nd week of Nov and I was being antagonized passive aggressively by some numbnut I'm related to.

Today my toddlers and I are dealing with 102 fevers, colds and sore throats. I'm tired.

I'm SO very tired.

Trying to stay positive but its just been a rough year. Seems I've been having A LOT of rough years maybe I'm not meant to have happiness in this world and all of it is stored for me in the hereafter. Who knows. All I've been doing is complain, complain, complain. I feel like a broken record that no one cares about. I keep it together for my babies, may Allah swt have mercy on them and grant them good and ease in this life and the next.

I tried opening up to someone today but instead it backfired. At least I still have my very neglected blog. Thank you for reading this. I feel like I'm putting my message in a bottle in the hopes someone will read it and make du'a for us. Please.