September 24, 2012

Stuff on the brain...


I've always felt that I was a compassionate, loving and caring person but after birthing my first child I felt transformed and connected to the world. I birthed at home and my labor was 8 hrs from beginning to birth and I felt energized and so alive. Alhamdulillah. I remember seeing my baby and feeling a deep bond to the women of the world. Those that came before me, those that are my contemporaries and those yet to come, regardless of race or creed or any other category one can think of.

I remember thinking about world peace (LOL! I was high on my own endorphins XD) and feeling that every human being had a mother who carried them in her womb, labored and raised them. That every bullet, every war, every man made catastrophe that ended a life also shattered hers. I kept thinking that as I was holding my child and welcoming him there was another mother somewhere in the world holding her child as it was leaving this world her heart in tatters. I made du'a for all of them. Violence and war were so senseless and I told myself that every person I came across no matter their believes, intolerance etc. that I would treat them with dignity even if they didn't deserve it just because of their mothers. I wouldn't want to hurt someone's mom.

With my 2nd child also born at home, alhamdulillah, her labor from beginning to end was 3 hrs. YA ALLAH, 3 intense hours and the only way I could power through everything happening so fast was to repeat phrases over and over. As a result I memorized ayatul kursi alhamdulillah. When she was born the feelings were a little different and because of my abuse as a child it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to protect her from the world and all I wanted to do was to keep her safe. I began to heal from my previous trauma super fast (lol! much like her birth!)

I felt like the piece of me that was stolen as a child was returned to me as a woman. Maybe not as intact as it once was but at least the hole wasn't there any more.


KittySigurdardottir. said...

That's beautuful and so true.

AlabasterMuslim said...

Asalaamu Alaikum!!
Aw tuttie Alhamdullilah Allah subhana wa ta'ala has put sooo much barakah into giving birth and being a mother. May he allow you another healthy birth and child and allow you to heal and grow from it even more. Ameen!!
Oh and also my labour was eight hours, too. Mashallah.

.::Tuttie::. said...

AMEEN! I <3 du'as. Alhamdulillah.