As Salaamu Aalaykum,
Earlier this month I peed on a stick and voila was immediately transformed into a ball of anxiety and stress. The miscarriage last year (well its now about a year and a half) was brutal and painful and lasted close to 6 months! I felt I was trapped in a body that was in labor for SIX MONTHS 2/3 of the time spent being told by the medical profession that I was not pregnant but couldn't explain my continuous bleeding or elevated pain.
SO, after getting the results I didn't know what to do and didn't tell anyone other than hubby and stared at walls while my toddlers played, ran and made a mess all around me. It took me another 3 days before I called my midwives to let them know. One of the ways I calmed down was to remind myself that even
if I ate all the right foods, at the right time in the right amounts it wouldn't
matter much if I'm a ball of stress. So I started to unwind. Since the last time the pregnancy wasn't detected by the blood tests she gave me an appt almost 2 weeks later for a Saturday. On Tuesday I got a confirmation that I was indeed pregnant and my hcg levels were WAY too high and my progesterone (hormone that maintains pregnancy was low). So by Thursday (yesterday) they had me in for an ultrasound as they thought I may be pregnant with twins or I was further along than we thought. Turns out that as far as they could see there is only one healthy baby and even though it was measuring 7weeks and 2 days it already had a heartbeat. mashaAllah alhamdulillah.
Anyway, I'm still panicky and paranoid and nearly poisoned myself yesterday because I was so out of my mind that I took something prescribed without doing my research. I sat hubby down and explained to him that I'm still scarred from the last experience and I need his help to calm me down if he sees me hyperventilating to be my voice of reason because I'm simply messed up and need to get it together.
Why am I sharing?
I felt that I needed to. If something goes wrong then y'all already know and I can unwind on this blog. I'm using it for therapy, to write down my fears and let them go. I usually feel better when I unload my anxiety anyway.
Please make du'a for me as I'm barely holding it together. I'm happy and terrified and the percentage of that shifts everyday.
May Allah swt grant me complete shifaa from all that is ailing me, may the pregnancy be a healthy one and may the baby or babies be born healthy and to term. If they have any deficiencies may it be healed. AMEEN. I ask the same for all the pregnant women of the world. AMEEN.