April 30, 2012

Pain and Disappointment

As Salaamu Aalaykum,

I think I've reached the level where the pain and disappointment in my professional life (dealing with biz goals) has reached its breaking point.  I took a class once (maybe in 09 or 2010) with Sh. Muhammad Alshareef and he was discussing how people don't make change until the pain becomes unbearable and he couldn't help anyone who's life was not too bad or not too good just chugging on by as the don't feel the pain to change.

SubhanaAllah. WATCHING that course, being told exactly what was wrong with me and I was all "meh" I'm good. Looking back I realize my life in terms of my biz goals was not too bad to be insufferable but not that good ether.  dang. As I'm getting older (will be 27 in July) I realize I haven't really accomplished a lot of the things I've set out to do.

There was a CERTAIN and PARTICULAR way I wanted my life to go and being married or having kids wasn't even on the list although those are my highlights and am thankful for them now. Then again I was 14 when I set out to do those things and all my goals were on a professional/biz focus and totally ignoring the personal/family life since I was an army of one at the time.

The problem has and still is that I haven't replaced all my goals with other new goals. Its been years that I've known this and I'm pretty sure I've even written one or two posts about this. *sigh* Instead I look at those deadlines pass me by and I mourn them. Even though I don't even want to do what I had once set out to do. Make sense? It doesn't to me either yet I keep doing it.

Some of my friends are in similar straits but in reverse. While my personal and family life is great even though I never planned for it I haven't achieved much professionally. My friends have great professional lives (although they did plan for it and have worked their tails off) but don't have a steady relationship and want to be married with kids.

^found it appropriate.
NO MORE! I shall fertilize my own grass! wait. I don't know how that metaphor works here but what am trying to say is I'm changing. I can't live with the discomfort and self flagellation any more. I'm too young to be having these kinds of regrets and its just not productive.

SO NO MORE, I say.

ps, I also promise to blog once a week....I lost my mojo.


Um Dayo said...

I can relate, for sure. I may have also written about this. I have a friend who recently finally finished her degree to be an elementary school teacher and even bought a house. I have said to her and myself a number of times how jealous I am that her life is "set", since me and my clan are still loving around living in rentals and not setting roots anywhere and she is shocked saying she would die to have a husband and babies by now. The grass really is green on all sides, but our perspective skews reality, right?

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Um Dayo, your comment got me thinking and it ended up being another post. lol

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”
― John Lubbock