March 31, 2012

I saw the Angel of Death in a dream a few nights ago.

As Salaamu Aalaykum,

A few nights ago I had a VERY long and detailed dream and saw the Angel of Death and all I could say while I glimpsed at the tip of its humungous wings was, "wow, you're beautiful." Mostly I was awestruck by its beauty, magnificence, splendor and it was impressive. Actually the word beautiful and its synonyms don't do that creature justice, subhanaAllah.  He/It appeared a split second after a man made disaster the tip of his wing appearing in the horizon so large that I could not see what it was attached to. I don't remember if it spoke back to me as I was too enthralled by its presence or if it even heard me say "wow you're beautiful."

I'm still in awe of it and the dream was not at all scary as it may sound although heavy on the details and when I woke up the difference in me was drastic. I don't fear death or the grave any more (I used to fear it with a paralyzing fear), I know it will happen whenever my time on this Earth is up. Alhamdulillah. What I am worried about now is making sure I have as many good deeds as I can possibly get.

May my best deeds be my last deeds and may the day I meet Him swt be my best day. AMEEN.

Shockingly I've lost interest in some of the things that I held dear to me before the dream but after dream that interest is gone. Like it was surgically removed and not a trace of it left behind, its not that I dislike or HATE those things now, just that I no longer have any interest in them.  Now I want to maximize my deeds, get myself together and be productive in society, life and deen.

Its like a burning desire to do better to be better to reach and exceed my potential and in a sobering way also a desire to get my affairs in order.

ps, Don't try to interpret my dream as it was so detailed I could write a book on it. May Allah swt grant me the good from that dream and save me from the evils of that dream. AMEEN.

I'm completely rethinking how I spend my time as well as the purpose of my many fb pages will be.  May Allah swt grant us all hidayat. AMEEN

March 21, 2012

Trayvon you will get justice INSHAALLAH

I haven't been blogging recently as I've been on facebook feverishly posting about the Trayvon Martin case from Florida.  Trayvon an unarmed 17yr old walking from the store when George Zimmerman a self-appointed neighborhood watch captain stalked, confronted and fatally shot the teen.  George was told by 911 dispatchers to STOP following the teen but he didn't listen.  Unfortunately teenagers of all races get murdered everyday but what makes this case so infuriating is that the killer vigilante has NOT been charged for the murder of Trayvon and is hiding behind Florida's Stand Your Ground law.  A law that allows you to use deadly force (although it HEAVILY favors gun owners) to defend yourself. At first authorities said it was because he had a 'squeaky clean record' and there was nothing contradicting his self defense claim. Zimmerman was not taken in to custody or tested for any intoxicants.

However, its been close to a MONTH!  A MONTH! the 911 tapes have been released and this man-child is still walking free. Alhamdulillah the FBI and DOJ are FINALLY getting involved and I hope his family gets justice.
Zimmerman, who violated major parts of the Neighborhood Watch Manual, which states "It should be emphasized to members that they do not possess police powers. And they shall not carry weapons or pursue vehicles."

There are about 22,000 registered watch groups nationwide, and Zimmerman was not part of a registered group, which police were not aware of at the time of Martin's killing, said Chris Tutko, the director of the National Neighborhood Watch program. read more
How could self defense be applied when someone does not follow 911 dispatchers  orders and INSTIGATES a confrontation? BLOWS MY MIND.

I've taken a special interest in this case because Trayvon resembles my two brothers one still a teenager and the other who just hit 21 and both are still living in Florida.  I've always worried about my brothers because of their looks and what others will perceive of them but it never occurred to me that the SYG law could be used to kill them IF someone feels threatened by their LOOKS.  I really hope there is a resolution to this case because its a damn shame that this man is still walking free. DAMN SHAME.

May this family be granted hidayat and sakeenah in their hearts to overcome their loss and may Trayvon's killer be brought to justice. AMEEN
to sign the petition:

March 10, 2012

May you have the Highest Jannah Sister Ny Gany

As Salaamu Aalaykum
A facebook friend passed away today, inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiuun. May Allah swt have mercy on Najma Yasmin Ny Gani's soul, may her sins be forgiven, may all of her good deeds and prayers be accepted as complete. AMEEN.
Our sister passed away today (10th March 2012) peacefully in hospital. Her janaaza will be taking place at the Islamic Centre of Greenwich on 11th March (address: 131 Plumstead Road SE18 7DW). She wanted us to communicate this on here so everyone can attend and make duah for her. This will take place after zhur prayers so please be present from 12:30pm if you can. Her burial will take place at the Garden of Peace afterwards. Thank you Osman and Sabina. LINK
I've been following her diagnosis because as a child I was diagnosed with leukemia and after chemo it successfully went in to remission by age 7, alhamdulillah. I was as skinny as a bone, subhanaAllah.
feb 17th is a day of reflection for me & my family, its the day six years ago i was diagnosed with leukaemia. six years on i am still fighting, im worn out & my life has turned out completely different to what i imagined. i have so much to be thankful for, and so many questions for my creator....but at the end of this i know there is a better place where pain & disease no longer exist and the battle in this life will def be worth the rewards of the took a while to reach this conclusion but alhamdulilah i understand it now. LINK
Please keep our sister in your du'as because by tomorrow night it will be the first night in the grave for her.  May Allah swt forgive her and reward her immensely. AMEEN.

Wa Salaam

March 8, 2012

Answering ̶E̶v̶e̶r̶y̶o̶n̶e̶ Anyone? o.O ...nafsi! nafsi!

I saw the following status update being passed around in my circle of friends and I wanted to share it with you all. When I read "call people to the Quran and Sunnah and not to bother with their doubts and whims" I cringed. WHY NOT?! WE SHOULD confront those doubts and dispel them. However, after some time to cool off I agree somewhat with it.
There are so many bad ideas and doubts. Life is too short to answer it all and it harms more than benefits. The correct methodology is to call people to the Quran and Sunnah and not to bother with their doubts and whims. The heart is easily affected and one must protect it to preserve it from change. Most of those who went astray were those who were over confident. The Prophet salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam forbade us from facing the Dajjal when he comes out, fearing that one will follow him due to the tribulations that he brings with him. Allah says: “then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them”. How many went astray and were indulged in acts of hypocrisy and doubts unknowingly due to listening to falsehood? -Assim Alhakeem
There was a brother (don't remember his name, screen name or anything else--nor do I want to remember, please don't post his information--) but he used to make videos tearing down people who'd left Islam. I watched ONE of his videos because it happened to be about a friend of mine who had left Islam. He was very harsh, delineating how they were never Muslim to begin with since their views weren't Islamic from the get go etc. A few months after posting that video he also left Islam and created a video about it (the same ones he would mock & tear up before) but I didn't watch it. After all those videos appearing so strong and sure of his beliefs he left. inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiuun.

Anyway my point is that I feel comfortable in my Islam and am willing to share my love for it to others but don't feel the need to go through every post on every blog and forum to defend Islam. I make du'a for the world. I truly want for them what I want for myself but I wont beat anyone into submission. I'm to relay the message and the recipient is to do with it as she pleases.  InshaAllah it is well received.

That's all folks!

ps, May we and all those who have strayed be granted hidayat and brought back to the haqq until the day of judgment. AMEEN


pps, btw just so there are no misunderstanding I DO NOT know who Assim Alhakeem is. I found his status update interesting and wanted to reference him so I can remember where I got it from. It doesn't mean I know the person or condone ALL of their behavior.

March 4, 2012

Rough Rough Rough Week(s)

As Salaamu Aalaykum,

Its been a few rough weeks now. Alhamdulillah for everything. When it rains it pours and I am struggling to keep my head up. Last week I dealt with THIS and it hit me at the worst possible time. Blogging has been a release for me as I can let go of my past in a SAFE anonymous way. Its brought a lot of new friends and it has been overall a great experience. 

Anyway, after a LONG break from blogging there's a lot of pent up memories that need to GO. To help with that I opened up to my husband letting go of a few of them and it honestly overwhelmed him.  Dang. He was TRYING so hard to be supportive but there's only so many seriously abusive memories a person can absorb before it takes a toll on them.  So am back to blogging. InshaAllah it doesn't overwhelm you guys. *InshaAllah* 

For a few months now, I've been feeling lonely, jealous, bitter and all other nasty qualities I'd rather not have. Whenever I do feel thing I immediately make du'a for the person who brought out those emotions because they are innocent and I DO NOT want to hurt them in anyway or give them the eye. Its not that I wish they DIDN'T have what they have its more of a sadness that I lack it. Its selfish and childish but I just haven't been able to shake it off me.

I stay away from pregnant women because my miscarriage is still fresh (one year for the first twin to be miscarried and in a few weeks it will be one year since the 2nd twin was miscarried). The feeling of lost and mourning took a few months AFTER the miscarriage to hit me as I was in survival mode but, boy when it hit me, it hit me hard.  I thought I got a handle on it because I wasn't bursting in to tears but on Jan 10th I was reading an article about Jay-Z's new rap song (one of my bros is a huge fan and I was curious about his daughter). It mentioned that they had a miscarriage prior to giving birth to Blue Ivy and I burst in to tears. DANG. I just stared at my screen and cried. Cried for my loss, their loss and every other parent who has lost a child.  It burned.  Unexpected and the tears started just with the giant words spelling M I S C A R R I A G E. <--That's what did it.  Then when I read his pain and it reflected my pain the tears just poured.  
Last time the miscarriage was so tragic
We was afraid you'd disappear, but nah, baby, you magic
You know what made it worst?
That I hadn't considered how this would affect any future pregnancies. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again. Terrified. I feel like am barely holding on to this world as it is. Of all the things that I thought would knock me down I never expected it from a song that I haven't even heard not once. Don't want to even imagine what it would do to me if I actually hear it.
False alarms and false starts
All made better by the sound of your heart
All the pain of the last time
I prayed so hard it was the last time....

This turned out to be a long post and I've already shared a few tears I'm taking a break until tomorrow. inshaAllah. May all the parents who have lost children be granted hidayat and sakeenah in their hearts and mind from now until the day of judgment. AMEEN.

Wa Salaam,

March 1, 2012


After 7 months of going over to wordpress am back to blogger, will you take me back? It was lonely over there and blogging was supposed to be my stress reliever but it became a JOB. Had to constantly keep upgrading and tweaking it all the time so that it would actually work
I stopped following my fave blogs because I had to log back in to blogger to do that and I hate login in to stuff. (mental barriers).  I'm hoping to catch up on my reading now that am back inshaAllah.

What have you ladies been upto?