April 20, 2011


Not gonna lie, I DID consider pole dancing (AS AN EXERCISE ROUTINE NOT A CAREER) but only after I became Muslim and by then I was fully covered and no options of where to learn.  If you have been following my blog for sometime you know I LOVE learning, dissecting what I learn and moving on to another topic and pole dancing (in the privacy of my home) was one of those topics.  Anyway, I saw this article on American Bedu's blog and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the image or that  someone in the KSA would sponsor it. (which I guess means am guilty of stereotyping)
"Because there’s no history of strip clubs or pole dancing, most men would think women were just learning a new form of exercise – ironically in a place where religion and judgement plays such a large role, pole suffers from fewer preconceived connotations or moral judgements.

My client’s husband didn’t try the pole while I was there, but he didn’t try because he felt he lacked the strength, not because of pole dancing’s less salubrious roots." read more

I don't think there is anything wrong with it, its just that I have never seen it before and if you don't read the article you can misconstrue it.  First thing that came to mind was grip as all that fabric would most definitely create a hazard.    I wonder if it will be an even more effective workout since she basically has only her hand grip? or make her a HULK?

^^That takes skills! I lost most of my upper body strenght so I doubt I can hold that position for long. I would face plant so badly and leave my ego so hurt from ever trying it again. lol. Next thing....where would they get poles in KSA?  Is she certifying anyone? I am still hung up about the pictures only because the two seem POLAR OPPOSITES.

On a related note my friend and I were discussing a fellow sister's desire to buy and learn to pole exercise and we were laughing our butts off only because we were picturing the above (although now that I see it...it aint all that funny).  Anyway we were always going back to "what if your kid walks in to your room and asks, mommy, whats the pole for?" the sister (who wants the pole) said, "what? its just a pole."

It is just a pole but our prejudices can't just leave it at that.  If a service like that was offered in my vicinity I would take it as I like trying things at least once.  What about you?

all pics belong to PoleExercise.co.uk

April 19, 2011

So 3 years later I contacted someone....I am fast like that

In the fall of 2008 I was heavily pregnant with my first child and had recently discovered how AWESOME CT libraries were. I mean seriously people they had the most updated books on any topic AND you could request books from college libraries and it would be delivered to your local library....a homeschooling dream.
I mean LOOK at these pics and this is just the children's section.... :( God I miss those libraries

Wallingford Library Dedication-224

Ice Cream Cone 2

Gameboard 012



Wallingford Library Dedication-170

MashaAllah, I digressed.... While I was waddling my way through a book worm's dream and delight of a library I saw this dude who I thought had made these BEAUTIFUL and STURDY bookshelves and I wanted to get his contact info.  My husband and I always wanted to have an Islamic library and his books bend ALL the shelves we tried so we thought we might as well invest in some good shelves that are made specifically to handle high volume of books.

Anyway, while I was biting my nails to approach him I bumped into another guy who was photographing the shelves and my ADD kicked him and totally forgot about the shelves. We talked and he was giving me tips on how I could become a freelancing photographer (a deferred dream of mine) and he gave me his card and told me to call him the following Wednesday. My social anxiety kicked in and I chickened out (this was during the time I was JUST starting to deal with it so it was pretty bad and just talking to him was a huge step). They had brought him all the way from Massachusetts (mashaAllah) for the photo shoot and seemed interested in mentoring me.  I was wearing full niqab gear and dude didn't blink an eye or seemed uncomfortable talking to me.  (Side note: I don't think he took the pics above as he was there for a special occasion).

So yesterday after wanting to email him and staring at his disintegrating card FOREVER subhanaAllah, can't tell you how many times I just stared at it. I did it! I asked a couple of questions and I am waiting for a response. I feel like such a geek but he is such a wealth of information and experience plus if I finally decide to pursue freelancing then he might make an excellent mentor.

Have you ever delayed getting back to someone? How did you convince yourself to take the plunge?  Me? I thought that his card already had wear and tear of being in my wallet and if I lost it I would be very upset with myself. Now, even if he doesn't get back to me its all good because at least I tried and didn't leave it up to chance.  I can now move on to other things as this is no longer hanging over my head and taking up precious brain space. BABY STEPS!

April 18, 2011

Anyone have an Etsy account?

I finally took the plunge and opened an Etsy account....now I am going to go broker than broke because the cuteness factor is just too much!

If you have an Etsy account leave your link below and I'll add you to my circle (picking up the lingo already :D)

April 17, 2011

Bullying?! Attempted murder is more likey it

The father of an 8-year-old Louisville, Kentucky boy, found hanging on a hook in his school’s bathroom stall last week, wants answers and says the school could have done something to prevent the episode.
The incident occurred last week while Mohamed Hussein’s class at Frayser Elementary school was on a bathroom break.  (read more)

They HUNG the child and tried to break his neck! In the picture you can see the ligature marks on the poor child.  How can that possibly be classified as bullying? Its nothing short of attempted MURDER! Whoever did this to Mohamed Hussein needs to be brought to justice because that is some sick unacceptable behavior. Those children (if it is children who did this) need help and if they don't get it I cringe at what they might be able to do down the line.  Nip it in the bud buddy.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiuun. May Allah swt save our children from falling victim to these crimes or from perpetrating these crimes on others. May the attackers and all involved in this story be granted hidayat. AMEEN

Honestly its crap like this that makes me want to homeschool, I need to start saving up to afford tutors....this is crazy and unacceptable!

April 16, 2011

sucks being broke...

working on being grateful right now. I have a lot to be grateful for but I am throwing a sissy fit anyway. I think people have it wrong. Why should we care about money? I think when you don't care it controls you, dictating what you can and cannot do, you end up working and striving for money's sake because its your master.  Even though I KNOW my rizq is written and will come in due time, it still frustrates me as I feel I am not doing something to get the full potential. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT THING IS?!

I am physically sitting here like a pouting spoiled child making du'a to Allah swt demanding the things I want and bargaining.  I am tired of not being financially independent, to be able to dictate life on my terms.  I can't go to hajj, no money. I can't go to classes I want to take, no money. Can't visit my mother, no money.

I do however have the tools to change my life and rizq but don't know how to use them. How frustrating is that? I have software that any graphic artist would kill for but don't know how to monetize on that.  I need help executing plans. I am tired of trial and error and going at it alone. I want guidance from people who have made it, but guess what? That cost money TOO! so dammit. I am back to square one.

On the plus side all the things I CAN'T do aren't necessities but rather luxuries which I guess in the end thats a luxury too. I am not starving, fighting off warlords or natural disasters. I am simply a woman who wants more out of life.

April 15, 2011

If you *REALLY* love me you would make du'a for me

Aight. Now that I have emotionally blackmailed you I will tell you what I am looking for du'as for.  I LOVE LEARNING! but I hate school.  Anyway there are THREE seminars I am dying to attend and I think  they would change my life PERMANENTLY.  Not an exaggeration. 

I think the most effective way of learning is apprenticeships from people who have been successful in the field you are interested in.  So here there are

1) Muhammad Alshareef's Niche Hero
Toronto, Canada
July 4-9, 2011
Almost $3,000 w/o air fare or accommodations
2) Tim Ferriss’ Seminar
California, USA
August 19 – 21, 2011
$7,000-$10,000 depending if you sign up early or later w/o air fare or accommodations.
3) Ramit Sethi

Now if I HAD to choose between Tim Ferriss and Niche Hero, I would go with Tim Ferriss hands down. I mean how often do you get to meet your favorite author and get to pick his brain too? Dude's book changed my life. Helped me with my anxiety and got me off my butt and motivated to make the most out of my life.

ALL and I mean ALL of the seminars like Time traveler, a millionaire who went to jannah by Muhammad Alshareef also helped me. He was my first teacher in Islam and I have a soft spot for him mashaAllah (in a purely platonic, teacher kinda way...don't get it twisted.). I have had a lot of good come my way via his content and I am sure this would greatly benefit me but it would overlap with Tim Ferriss.

Ramit Sethi I just recently started following him and I have gotten some results via his free emails but I would love to also get to ask him questions and perfect my game. I am clearly not doing something right and getting guidance about biz from these fellas would be beneficial.

Hajj although I want to go, is nearly out of the question because my 6 month old is exclusively breastfed and my toddler has never spent a night away from us.  Bringing them along is not an option as we would have to pay the student package for each. :(

I can ask Allah swt for anything so I am including the above in my du'a list. Why not? usually I ask,

O Allah swt grant me ALL the things I asked for in this post if they are what is best for my dunya and akhira and if it will bring me closer to You. If not please replace them with something better. AMEEN.
Its a WIN/WIN situation, if it is whats best for me it will be granted and I will be happy and if it isn't ,its being replaced with something even BETTER!  So if my du'as don't appear to be granted, am cool with that because I know I am still cashing in (inshaAllah).  I know most of you guys wont understand how AWESOME these opportunities are but believe me they rarely come and I want them.   I am trying to fund my travels, imagine being able to afford hajj for your entire family EVERY year?  <--That is what I want.

Currently broke though hence the du'as. inshaAllah I can go. :)

UPDATE: Contacted Ramit and established a payment plan that is within budget! YEAH BABY! On my way to financial independence! May it be beneficial for me and my family :) AMEEN!

April 13, 2011



As salaamu Aalaykum!

I am preparing for Ramadan and created this planner to help me out. All those interested click on the link below to get your free copy :)


April 12, 2011

I am 5 years old!

Alhamdulillah, yesterday was my 5 year Shahada anniversary!  OMG I am revisiting my old stuff (including this blog) and I am happy with my progress but I think I need to do more.  I kinda expected myself to have already memorized the Qur'an and I haven't.  That's definitely in my to do list.

April 7, 2011


I think I am going through labor to expel the remainder because I am in some SERIOUS pain that can't be describe better than labor.  Waiting on hubs to get home as I will most likely be going to the ER. please make du'a for me.

April 6, 2011

April 5, 2011

Why even bother?

 I have been watching far too much tv from my computer and it has dulled my heart.  The premise is all the same regardless of the genre.  The message? We are all lonely trying to find something in common with someone else, to feel alive, to be loved and yet despite all the social media/networks, cellphones, instant message we are still alone and less connected to each other than before.

Depressing.  I was there once and occasionally I go back to that stage. I was lonely wanting a family, wanting to be loved.   I became Muslim and found inner peace (then quickly proceeded to lose it because I could), 9 months later found my husband and 4+ years after that I am the mother of two children with a husband I love and occasionally hate (well, that's a strong word since just the thought of him dying or not being around sends me in to panic).  But you guys get where I am going with that right?

My current obsession is Dead Like Me about modern day grim reapers. The show only had 2 seasons and I have basically had a marathon watching all of season one and moving on to season two.  The show depressed me.  Its like I am just killing time until its my turn to go in to the dirt. I mean what am I doing with my life? What have I done so far?

This miscarriage has really messed with my hormones and feelings. The post partum that I thought I had shaken off is back with a vengeance. I stopped sharing with my close friends after one inferred I tended to be melodramatic. Not her exact words but then again she was also the one who told me that if I didn't know I had it (the pregnancy) did I really lose anything?  I ditched her. 

It sucks. This whole thing is pretty new to me. My whole life I survived through crapfests by keeping the cards close to me, by not sharing my feelings, by staying in the shadows and not getting close. Since I have been married I have share more with hubby (kinda had to).  I wasn't going to share with him but I figured he wasn't getting married to be my own personal shrink and me his very own basket case. So he KNEW what he was getting in to.  Even after we married I still sabotage myself to the point that I am wondering why my husband even kept me. May Allah swt have mercy on him, ameen.

I started blogging because I felt I was drowning, my social anxiety was keeping me from going outside and I was a one woman marriage wrecking crew.  It helped, it helped A LOT.  I became 'saner', I met and connected with many sisters from all over the world (that was pretty sweet). I have never been compared to a drama queen and it frankly hurt. I guess that is what happens when you share with someone, they can only see you during that once facet of your life. They are not there to see the other facets and you get pigeonholed. Even with blogging its hard to convey what is happening without writing a dissertation so once again you are only giving one facet of your life for people to try to figure you out and make judgment.

I read in a friend's blog comment that when we focus on ourselves, our lives, our relationships and our stuff the more we suffer. The more we focus on Allah swt the better, easier and happier our lives become.  I think I am going to do that because what I am currently doing is clearly not working. 

Am I alive? Do I even matter? I don't know about the rest of the world but my gummy bear (6 month old) just gave me a huge toothless smile and then knocked out, it was beautiful mashaALlah, I think she will miss me. I mean I AM her breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack.  My toddler will miss me for other reasons.  So waiting to die but terrified of death. Death. Death. Death. Death.  Maybe she was right? Maybe she really is one of those few people who call it like it is? I am being melodramatic but.... dammit I really don't have an excuse other than it hurts to have my feelings and anxieties dismissed under the banner of drama queen.

Wa Salaam

April 4, 2011

Parenting and an update

Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. — Mike Tyson

As  Salaamu Aalaykum! I am doing better alhamdulillah. I am sorta still bleeding almost done though so am ok.  I did get a blood test and my numbers were lower but still shows up as pregnant. My ultrasound showed some remnants still left and inshaAllah all will leave.  I was supposed to get another blood test done but I am going to wait a little longer since I am still bleeding. I HATE NEEDLES!!
 I just hate 'em!
Anyway, I was browsing trying to kill sometime and came across the above statement by Mike Tyson and felt it was so appropriate for nearly every scenario in life specially parenting.  I get a lot of people telling me how I should raise my kids from people who don't even have kids. I mean what is up with that?