May 23, 2011

but, but, but WHY?!

I feel insulted, angry and frankly violated.
We were invited to someones house after our class this Sunday and we accepted because I want to meet new people. WELL, it started off know the usual polite small talk then it took a turn for the worst. First I was criticized for wearing a niqab with sweatpants (mind you they USED to belong to hubby so they are pretty darn big XXL), then because my daughter was dressed as a boy, apparently that is a sin. WHAT?! She is a BABY! She will wear whatever I put on her and its not like we are swimming in money to go buy her pink frilly things when she has perfectly good clothes that her brother previously wore.  

I will be buying her clothes when the summer comes and we will be going out more, but in the mean time those browns, beiges, greens and navy blues will do just fine. Do people realize that the whole "do not dress like the opposite sex" has different meaning depending on culture? Do they realize that in my culture men don't wear skirts (aka longi, izar) or dresses (thobes)? I KNOW THEY ARE NOT SKIRTS AND DRESSES I am just making a point on how that looks to people unfamiliar with them. 

Anyway, she took it upon herself to try to CHANGE my daughter. *Hyperventilates* you guys know how particular I am about my children and who gets to change them. WHAT THE HELL?! She covered my daughter in a pink shirt even though her shirt was PURPLE, she attempted to REMOVE that shirt but I grabbed my daughter from her reach. She then tried to remove her pants and put TIGHTS, TIGHTS on my daughter. NO! I said NO, DAMN IT! and she condescendingly said, "don't tell me its because of 'modesty' cuz people go to far." I believe in comfort over looks, my daughter is wearing cloth diapers and a loose cargo pants WHY am I going to squeeze her in to tights? LET THE GIRL BREATHE!

I will not be returning to her house EVER. She crossed way too many lines and her superior attitude removed any chances of me overlooking this incident.  Yes I am a convert and still learning the religion but you attending a couple of seminars and some Sunday classes DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SCHOLAR. Because if you WERE a real scholar you would have observed the MANNERS that they are taught and have to observe.  I love being around TRULY religious people as they are a joy to be around and I learn from them.  (not the fakers who use it as a screen) I love being around people who are not religious and don't pretend to be, because they usually admit they do not know and don't try to force things on me. I hate being around ignorant people who don't even know they are ignorant while simultaneously telling others they are superiorsbased on the knowledge they do not possess.

Hubs says I am too open with people and I guess that may be true but you get what you see. I don't see the need to hide that I am a convert, or that my family is of  various religions and ethnicities. I give you who I am, not a facade of who I want to be or who I was. You get me as I stand before you today. I don't curse, I don't share my sins and I respect your boundaries if I know of them and if I don't and accidentally cross them, once I DO know I apologize 'til kingdom come.' I mean hubs doesn't pretend to be someone he is not either but he does not reveal ANYTHING not pertinent to the topic or that may be considered personal. So I guess in comparison I am WAAAAAAAYYY to open.  He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in a beard wearing a thobe.


Angel said...

well she is wrong as nurse i know that mental disorders are just the same a physical it just affects the brain rather then the body shame on her people dont choose these disorders nor is shaytain course

Purple Pyro said...

Whoa @_@ The bit about mental health? Just shows how illiterate and ignorant people can be. What a...*refrains* lol. Can't believe she actually tried to change your kids! I'dve gone properly mother bear and attacked her- good on you for keeping relatively cool! Some people...¬_¬

CareMuslimah said...

Oh wow! Astagfirullah. I honestly would've been a lot less nicer... If she thought you were so wrong and in need of advice, she should've been polite about it. I can accept criticism and suggestions as long as you're polite about it, not from someone who acts like they know everything and I'm all wrong.

You're practicing your religion to the extend of your knowledge mashallah. We can never be perfect, but we can try our best. May Allah increase our iman inshallah.

Salam tuttie!

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Jana. I will not be going abck to her house at all. We were not a match and I don't think I can keep being polite without lying and or compromising myself. You know how when you finally decide to stand up for yourself all of a sudden you are the problem child for doing so. Alhamdulillah this happened a couple of cities away so I wont be running in to her very easily. Also I am the newbie in that community so I am not trying to get black listed as trouble at least for the sake of my children.

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Aalia. AMEEN. I am shocked I kept my composure because this is my biggest pet peeve and hangup. Alhamdulillah

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Angel. I made a joke about it because I couldn't think of any other way to say it and she didn't get it. Instead she took it literally and was giving me some flowery speech about me getting my nafs in check.

just wow.

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Purple Pyro. Relatively cool, my tone became confrontational and I don't think I can do it again so this person is out!

I guess I need to go out and find my OWN friends instead of playing these 'blind date' style of meeting people. (Her husband is an acquaintance of hubs)

AlabasterMuslim said...

Oh my god Subhanallah, that would have ticked me off to no end!! My children will not be changed (clothes or diapers) in front of anyone other than my husband and myself. It IS for modesty reasons too. Alhamdullilah you grabbed your daughter away from her! Baby cargo pants are so much more comfortable than tights! (though i'm not going to lie I am planning on the baby leg warmers with cloth diapers sooo cute omg)

.::Tuttie::. said...


@Nikki. No boundaries indeed

@Al. They are baby legs (thats what we call baby leg warmers). And she does wear that at HOME because they are so darn cute!!

♡ αmαℓ said...

Salaam alaikum,

Woahh! That lady definitely crossed the line by touching your daughter. Is this the first time you've spent time with her?? If she was like my best friend, I still wouldn't like it. It's just inappropriate. :-/ I can't believe she had the nerve to try and change her!!

Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum,

SubhanALLAH some people just don't know how to behave and always seem to need to have control over others.

Your reaction was the right one MashALLAH, a baby can definitely wear cargo pants and purple shirts lol.

Lot of love

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

InshaAllah you will have plenty of other chances to meet like-minded friends. I can't believe someone would even attempt to cross personal boundaries like that. Unbelievable!

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Amal. Wa alaykum as salaam,
yes, this was the very first time and all of this occurred within the first 15 minutes. I honestly can't believe that happened.

@Um Zakarya,
wa alaykum as salaam!
I know, since when have men owned the rights to baggy cargo pants? sheesh. awww and thanks for the love!

@Stacy. INSHAALLAH! because I need more adult conversations during the day.

Iman (Lifes Balance Beam) said...

Oh hell! I don't even have kids and that would have pissed me off!! And the "sweatpants with niqab" thing. First and foremost, i hate when people make comments about people they barely know, ASSUMING their income, and ASSUMING they just know whats best! And even if you WERE swimming in hundreds and thousands of dollars, MAYBE just MAYBE its ur choice!

Ugh, you're better than me, i tend to be too vocal for my own good, and just because a girl is not wearing PINK does not make her less girly! (Btw, if you made her a cute lil ruffle top, any color, it would look SOOO cute with her baby cargos!! haha)

okay let me calm down, i'm acting like it happened to me lol