working on being grateful right now. I have a lot to be grateful for but I am throwing a sissy fit anyway. I think people have it wrong. Why should we care about money? I think when you don't care it controls you, dictating what you can and cannot do, you end up working and striving for money's sake because its your master. Even though I KNOW my rizq is written and will come in due time, it still frustrates me as I feel I am not doing something to get the full potential. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT THING IS?!
I am physically sitting here like a pouting spoiled child making du'a to Allah swt demanding the things I want and bargaining. I am tired of not being financially independent, to be able to dictate life on my terms. I can't go to hajj, no money. I can't go to classes I want to take, no money. Can't visit my mother, no money.
I do however have the tools to change my life and rizq but don't know how to use them. How frustrating is that? I have software that any graphic artist would kill for but don't know how to monetize on that. I need help executing plans. I am tired of trial and error and going at it alone. I want guidance from people who have made it, but guess what? That cost money TOO! so dammit. I am back to square one.
On the plus side all the things I CAN'T do aren't necessities but rather luxuries which I guess in the end thats a luxury too. I am not starving, fighting off warlords or natural disasters. I am simply a woman who wants more out of life.