January 16, 2011

I have a daughter. OMG I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!

I mentioned I was going through my blog and found previous posts about having a girl...now am re-reading them now that I am a mother to a girl.
I was mainly afraid that I would have a girl. Not because girls are bad or because of any cultural hangup but because I was afraid she would get hurt. Life is so hard for girls. There is menstruation, rape, beatings, domestic violence, child birth, all the stigma of being the "weaker sex" but mainly because they get raped. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to protect her or that she would go through what I went through. I wanted to make du'a against having a girl but I have this belief that children regardless of whether they can speak or even understand DO feel feelings. They understand in their own way and if I was pregnant with a girl I didn't want her to feel unloved because I was in love with the child I was caring.  (from this post)
On some days I do make a lot more du'as for her than others because I don't want her to suffer. I want her to have a loving, peaceful and fitnah free life.  The du'a of the parent for their child is accepted right?  so inshaAllah she will be fine. inshaAllah. inshaAllah....She'll be fine right? 

She is going to be 4 months in 2 days and I am in awe of Allah's beautiful creation, His perfect system and her chunky little toes.  I am in love and I don't mind looking the fool to get that gummy smile (she has no teeth yet) by any means necessary.  I am still dealing with my trauma of my childhood and thanks to this pooping, vomiting, screaming bundle of joy I am reconnecting again with my feminine self.  When I took my shahada I started my recovery from the abuse and having my daughter has progressed my journey.

SubhanaAllah. Since being confronted with one of my fears I have healed exponentially. Its unbelievable the breakthroughs I have had these past couple of months. ALLAHU AKBAR! I trust Allah swt and everything that happens to me is not Him going out of His way to make me miserable.  I pray that I am not tested with difficulties though. AMEEN.

La ilaha ila Allah!


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Posts I am referencing
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2009/12/raising-daughters-and-guns.html
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2010/02/having-girls.html
http://hijabmaster.blogspot.com/2010/11/dealing-with-aftermath-of-rape.html

5 comments:

MoOn said...

inshallah she will be safe and happy in both here and akhera.
Keep supplicating for her and her brother, I do all the time for my kids, specially when I hear athan and do sujood..
xx

Sara said...

Assalaam Aalaikum Tuttie,

Ameen at your du'as. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make things easier for your and your family, and may He always keep your beautiful daughter in His protection.

It's seriously so great to hear that bonding with your daughter, as well as raising her is helping you cope and heal significantly.

SubhanAllah, the ways in which Allah works.

AlabasterMuslim said...

Asalaamu Alaikum
I am so happy for you! Really I am :) I really had a feeling that having a daughter would help heal you. I'm so happy that Allah subhana wa tala has allowed healing to take place:) Its also funny how even though people make it seem like women are oppressed by islam, almost every woman i've spoken to who have embraced islam has become a more sexually mature and well rounded woman. Alhamdullilah for Islam!

♥ααℓiα♥ said...

Asalaamu 3alaikum Tuttie,

May Allah protect your daughter and I know how u feel about not wanting what happened to you happen to your child... My son's father Abu A. is always "why are u so over-protective??" but I know what can happen and it only takes a second for something to go wrong.

Over here, it's normal for kinds in the neighborhood to play outside without a guardian but ya Allah there are so many strangers that walk in and out of this area... I just can't risk it.

May Allah protect our children and help those who have had something happen to them heal -- ameen <3

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Al. I KNOW! subhanaAllah, it gave me a safe environment where I could explore my sexuality without hurting my soul with haraamness.

@Aalia. Alhamdulillah my hubs is on board with me when it comes to protecting our kids. Inshaallah we are successful in it. It is draining but I rather be drained then have to deal with a scarred child, while dealing with my own scars and my hubs depression for failing our child. When I put it this way protecting my child isn't so draining compared to what I would have to deal with if something went wrong.

May Allah swt protect our children from falling victim to injustice and abuse and may Allah swt protect our children from perpetuating injustice and abuse. AMEEN

Followers