I mentioned I was going through my blog and found previous posts about having a girl...now am re-reading them now that I am a mother to a girl.
I was mainly afraid that I would have a girl. Not because girls are bad or because of any cultural hangup but because I was afraid she would get hurt. Life is so hard for girls. There is menstruation, rape, beatings, domestic violence, child birth, all the stigma of being the "weaker sex" but mainly because they get raped. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to protect her or that she would go through what I went through. I wanted to make du'a against having a girl but I have this belief that children regardless of whether they can speak or even understand DO feel feelings. They understand in their own way and if I was pregnant with a girl I didn't want her to feel unloved because I was in love with the child I was caring. (from this post)
On some days I do make a lot more du'as for her than others because I don't want her to suffer. I want her to have a loving, peaceful and fitnah free life. The du'a of the parent for their child is accepted right? so inshaAllah she will be fine. inshaAllah. inshaAllah....She'll be fine right?
She is going to be 4 months in 2 days and I am in awe of Allah's beautiful creation, His perfect system and her chunky little toes. I am in love and I don't mind looking the fool to get that gummy smile (she has no teeth yet) by any means necessary. I am still dealing with my trauma of my childhood and thanks to this pooping, vomiting, screaming bundle of joy I am reconnecting again with my feminine self. When I took my shahada I started my recovery from the abuse and having my daughter has progressed my journey.
SubhanaAllah. Since being confronted with one of my fears I have healed exponentially. Its unbelievable the breakthroughs I have had these past couple of months. ALLAHU AKBAR! I trust Allah swt and everything that happens to me is not Him going out of His way to make me miserable. I pray that I am not tested with difficulties though. AMEEN.
La ilaha ila Allah!
Posts I am referencing