December 28, 2010

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

May Allah swt help them get a new shelter and adequate funding. AMEEN

December 18, 2010

I just got played!

my husband went to work today and left me with a wailing toddler in our room "BAABAAA! BAAABAAAAA!" I actually fell a sleep after fajr so I have only slept for 2 or so hours.  I got up told him in no uncertain terms he needed to stop that right now. He did.  Maybe the fact that he had been "crying" for nearly 15 minutes and there were no tears on his face nor was it remotely pink should have given me heads up. but Alas, I was a zombie! I go back under the covers and I hear "MAAAMIIII! MAAAAAAMIIIIII!! FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"  Call it parental guilt or what have you I got up because the poor boy asked for food.

Just because I decided stupidly to stay awake so I can prepare for fasting today doesn't mean he has to pay for my poor judgment.  I get up and stumble towards the door, my bladder informing me that if I didn't make it to the bathroom I was gonna have to explain to my toddler why Mami peed in a spot he is not allowed to pee in.  When I left the bathroom and started rummaging in the fridge for my sons food, his grandfather comes by and tells me "Oh, JUST fed him a couple of minutes ago."

well played son, well played.  Now am here typing in my blog with a couple of hours of sleep and my sleep is gone.  I am still tired and my newborn (who is actually 3 months today! mashaAllah) keeps looking at me all dewey eye and excited, like she and I are gonna be playing something....My son's aunt took  pity on him for wailing and is right now taking care of him. Normally I wouldn't let this slide by or it becomes a bigger ordeal later but I am just too physically and mentally tired to deal with it right now.  I know that by taking the easy way today I will have to pay hard later.  Habits start somewhere and today I got played.

ahhhh Alhamdulillah.

December 15, 2010

had a tooth pulled...not cool

I hate dealing with receptionists and their attitudes.  Waited almost 2 hours to get a tooth pulled that took only 2 minutes at most.  It itches but alhamdulillah a clot has formed. I think it maybe the chemo days of my childhood coming back to haunt me because I almost had a panic attack waiting for the dentists.  I have such a dislike for medical procedures that I would probably need to be sedated in order for professionals to perform the simplest of medical tasks on me.

I have 2 other teeth to pull and although the extraction bit was EASY BREEZY and no complications or even pain once the anesthesia wore off (felt only itchiness and pressure) I still dread it.  I dread it with a passion.  I am personally convinced that if I ever go in to a hospital to give birth I will most definitely need a cesarean for failure to progress. Am dead serious.  Hospitals freak me out and giving birth at home was more personal and peaceful for all parties involved....well maybe not the neighbors ;) Probably should have given them heads up about the birth but that is another story. Inshaallah will tell it soon.

Now I looked at myself in the mirror and I can't help but feel self conscious about the gap.  :( NOT sexy.  :(  What I have considered is since I have an overbite to go to an orthodontist and get braces (yea I KNOW! definitely not sexy) to straighten my teeth and to reduce the gap....nah I mean?

I considered invisaling but since my hubs is unemployed it is WAY out of my budget so metal braces it is.  I guess it makes me happy that I wear niqab and the outside world wont see me with braces at 25.  Alhamdulillah.  BUT the one that matters is hubs and I DO care about my looks for him even though he said he is already coming up with jokes for me.  Why do men think its funny to make jokes about things that make their wives self conscious?  beats me.

so off to search for metal mouth dentistas.  I dread it. am scared.

December 14, 2010

Kamal El-Mekki on musica


December 11, 2010


I wear my scars with pride. 
I'm found in the nourishment of pain.
I'm felt in the bliss of love. 
I'm thumped under the feet of betrayals. 
I'm risen by the faith. 
I'm seen in the dark.
I'm hope. 
I hide behind your hurt.
by Hina Baig

stolen from UmmOmar

December 6, 2010


Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion. 

This ayat makes me feel better whenever I have bitter emotions. I will get my justice.