May 7, 2010


In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

my son in the past couple of months started calling me, mama, mom, mommy, mami, amma, and a combination of all of them.  Cute isn't it?  well yes and no because he did exactly what Stewie does below.

Anyway, I live with my in laws and one in law in particular REALLY, REALLY, REALLY loves my son.  To the point that I felt I was being usurped as a mother as well as my husband's role as the father.  I know its uncomfortable to have this conversation with this person because most people complain that family is not as involved but mine was too involved.  I felt like I wasn't his parent but more of his surrogate mother.  When my son started calling me mom and mommy I was elated because he is totally a baba's boy and he lives for his baba.  So after 12+ months of baba, baba, baba he was finally calling ME out, I felt so special.

Well, this person started to tell me that my son REALLY didn't mean mommy as in MOTHER but rather he calls EVERYONE that.  Ouch.  Can't you just let me dream? So whenever my son would say "mama, ammaa, mom, mommy" this person would answer, then the rest of the family started doing it too.  Not that the rest were doing it on purpose but it was what they had seen A LOT of.  So behind closed doors I threw a tantrum.  (mature aint it?) I told my husband how I felt and that it needed to stop because it is now bothering me.  I think he addressed it because whenever my son says "mommy" now they point at me or tell him I am in the room praying.  YAY!  The particular in law sometimes responds to mommy but my son calls him by his name (you know, uncle, grandpa that kinda name).  How hard is it that I AM THE MAMA! let me have my name!  dang it, I went through a unmedicated home birth,  my labor pains said that I at least deserve the title of mama. NOT to mention that I change and wash those cloth diapers.  Who has the boobies? ME.  

I just can't help but act like a child and throw a tantrum when this topic comes up. I mean I feel like I am being erased.  I don't want to be erased. That is my baby boy (on loan from Allah swt) BUT it is MY amanah.  darng nagit AM THE MAMA!

ps. Does this qualify as a rant? see sis rants-a-lot would be an appropriate name.


Bubbli said...

i totally know how u feel, well kinda, it happend to one of my close relatives, anywho alhamdulilah that it is taken care of. u totally deserve to be called mama!

Candice said...

I had a similar thing last year. My daughter, then 2 years old, went to Egypt with her dad for 6 weeks! I missed her SO MUCH! She is not a daddy's girl; she's 100% MY BABY so that is actually what made the thing harder for me.

In Egypt, they started making her call her grand-mother Mama Mervat (or Mama for short) and so I'd be there on the webcam/mic, hearing Nora say "Mama!" and thinking she was talking about me, but really it was about her grand-mother! I felt so left out! I think I cried once, lol. My own little tantrum.

Nora calls my mom Mamie, which is a French way to say Granny, so when she got back, I made sure to transfer the name and call her Mamie Mervat instead of Mama! I consider the battle WON! :P hehe

I think you did the right thign in voicing your concerns. It's causing you more stress/annoyance/whatever than it's causing them good. You are the Mama, no one else!!!

Gabby Hijabi said...

yes it does. (qualify as a rant) and i know what you mean by inlaws.. or your own parents butting in and telling you "they mean this.." when in reality the kid knows what they are talking about.. just the other people don't and i would be peeved off if someone took the title as "mom, mommy, mama,etc." from me as well. You take care of him more than anyone, not right for them to take the glory..

my dad tried to tell me that the first time my daughter spent the night with him and my stepmom that she was crying for "mama" but when my stepmom picked her up she was okay.. in reality she was crying because she wanted ME.. but they made their own story out of it. i let them have it that one time but the next time was months after and she did it again but this time said "i want mama" she was about 2 at the time. So she didn't stop crying until they called me and put her on the phone.. she was content as can be and went to bed shortly after and i wanted to tell them "So there!! na na na na na" lol

Iman (Lifes Balance Beam) said...

i dont think you're being immature at all actually! I think its wrong for any one aside from his MOM to respond to the name! ha ! i can see if it was like my family... i call my grandmother mama which is actually like two syllables when i say it like "ma-ma" and i call my grandfather "dad" but i call my mom mommy or mom, and my dad daddy lol so theres no mix up... but yeah i totally think u have the right to feel this way!!

lol my immature response would be "HAVE UR OWN DANG ON KIDS!" lol