April 20, 2010

let me clarify

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I was having a discussion with a friend last week and she wanted to know how I was able to overcome my abuse.  She couldn't understand why I don't want to beat, torture or murder the rapist nor those who facilitated it.  I was trying to explain to her that for starters I have not overcome anything as it is something you kinda work through your whole life.  So far it has become easier for me and specially after I write it down and leave it on my blog.    I told her that I don't feel that I have to do anything to him, he is in his late 70's and he is gonna die soon.  Eventually every soul in this world will taste justice and I wont even need to lift a finger to get it.  Matter of fact what he did to me as a 4 year old is so horrendous that there is no appropriate punishment that will ever come close to matching it.  I feel that if I did do something I may even reduce his punishment in the hereafter and lets face it, the punishment there is unimaginable.  

I will get my justice because it has been promised to me by Allah swt in the Qur'an
Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have succeeded. For the life of this world is but goods of chattels of deception" (al-Imran 3:185)
I don't hold any resentment or deep seeded hatred towards anyone that has harmed me in my 24 years of life.  I am still working through the aftermath and emotional scars of most of the abuse and I think I am doing a very good job of it.  I told my husband how my friend and I talked for hours about it and she kept grilling me about why I felt one way or another because it was hard for her to grasp or even begin to understand the stage I am in.  With her I was talking in a clinical/academic way almost like "give me the facts" and explain how you reached that point. I answered all her questions and she was still baffled by my answers.  My husband thinks that it is because my mentality is that of a survivor and not of a victim.  My friend is used to dealing with women in the process of healing that is still very early on. Obviously it has affected almost every aspect of my life (how can't it?) but I take it as just another experience that has influenced who I am but it doesn't singularly define me.

Now, don't get me wrong.  (May Allah swt protect me and all the women from going through such an experience, ameen) Hypothetically speaking if it were to happen to me again as an adult, I would gather as much information as I can, go to the police and file a report immediately.  If the perpetrator is ever caught I would press charges and haul his butt to court.  I feel that it would be my duty to do so.  Because even if he gets off he will have a record so that if in the future another woman takes him to court her case would be much stronger and the chances of him getting a stiffer sentence that much higher.  Justice is always served either in this life or in the hereafter we are just too impatient to wait for it.

ps. I would file a police report and press charges if anyone whether Muslim or non-Muslim ever stole my identity, robbed me or did any other unlawful thing to me.  Because I can't follow the perpetrator around blasting him for his actions and warning others about it.  Its not feasible but at least with a police record other people may become wary of him (or her) when he is applying for housing, jobs or even marriage (I know some sisters who do background checks).  I don't think it conflicts with the way I feel about the rapist.  His day will come when he will be in the only court that will matter and no amount of lies or trickery will get him off.


AlabasterMuslim said...

The thing I always wondered about was how you told your husband, and how he reacted when he found out. If it had been mine I'm pretty sure he would have hunted the man down. I think its amazing how through all that pain and all the abuse you have enough sense (mashallah, alhamdullilah) to know that he will DEFINITELY get his punishment.

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Al. I told my husband within the first 5 days after meeting and before we got married. I told him here

SimplyMe said...

Asthaqfirullah. I am shocked by the pain people caused in your young life.
May Allah grant you the strength to face each day and make your life better everyday for yourself and for those you are fighting for through your social work.