April 30, 2010


In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I want to share this with my blog readers.

ME: I might name a kid "Daleel" just so that when someone yells at me "Where is your DALEEL?!" I'll be like (points at bint or ibn) here it is! pOwned! Conversation OVA!

Daleel: Islamic proof whether it be Qur'an or Hadith.

April 29, 2010

Al Maun Fund and 8 Families Need Your Help!

Al Maun Fund and 8 Families Need Your Help!

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Do you know who will go first on the Day of Resurrection to the shade of God…Those who when given what is right accept it, when asked for something give freely and who judge in favor of others as they do for themselves.”

$250 is needed
  • Father needs help with clothing and shoes for daughter.
  • Sister, whose unemployment has run out, needs help with transportation costs and prescriptions
  • Sister who is currently unemployed, needs help with food and transportation costs to look for work

April 28, 2010

ATTENTION: This is a rant continued from FB

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Maybe its because I am a convert and that I am a minority in the USA (not in my city though) but I never felt that I had to "integrate" in to anything.  Yeah, I learned English but that was just so I could talk to someone other than my brothers.  I think its called survival?

Anyway I am a fan of a couple of Muslim pages on facebook and this week seems to be INTEGRATION week.  All this talk about integrating in to the west and fitting in and what not got me upset.  FIT IN TO WHAT?  Have you been to the west? or are you preaching from the pulpit back home?  What is there to integrate with besides learning the language and some local manners? GEEZ. I can walk out of my apartment and basically meet a person from every frigging country!  My college is nearby and they even had students from countries I have never heard of before nor can I point them out in a map.  God only knows how many religions are practiced in America and they do it more or less without a hitch.  Look at the AMISH, they get on just fine and they are way more different to the "western life style" than are Muslims. SO GET OVER IT!  You are special but NOT THAT special hunny bunny.  You are ONE person in a sea of 1.22 billion Muslims. SO be you, because no one else is doing it.

I feel like am in high school and am apparently a member of the geek squad and we are hoping people like us to validate ourselves and based our SELF-esteem (keyword SELF) on their opinion of us. How childish does that sound?  What is so wrong about being YOU?  Who else can you possibly be if not for YOU?  I can tell you that it is a given that there will ALWAYS be people who will hate your guts without ever getting to know you or even seeing you.  So what is the big deal?



Being the mature person that I am what was playing through my head was "let's talk about sex baby, lets talk about YOU and ME!!"

As- Salaam Alaikum!
It is very difficult to improve one's conjugal experiences without reading up or otherwise learning about better techniques. Yet, at the same time, not only is this highly uncomfortable for many Muslims (for we are encouraged to be shy and modest), there is the added problem that most if not all such material present in our times would contain pornographic images and graphic text, and thus be out of our (halal) reach.

When we turn to our own classical works, we find that sexual conduct has been mentioned in numerous books. Every single work of fiqh has chapters related to sex. Every explanation of hadith, every tafsir of the Quran, must by its very nature deal with matters pertaining to sexuality. Additionally, throughout our own fourteen centuries of tradition and history, there have been many books written to help couples find more meaningful relationships and increase sexual pleasure within marriage. These works are many times quite explicit, but hardly ever crude or vulgar. And I believe that we can learn much from their language and style.

One of the more interesting examples of this is one that the famous Imam al-Qurtubi (d. 671  AH) mentions in his Tafsir. In reference to the verse of women being one's '...cultivation', [al-Baqara; 223] he mentions that the Maliki jurist Ibn al-Arabi (d. 543) narrates that his own teacher, who was the most respected and esteemed scholar of Andalus of his era, went into some detail describing the female organ to his students, so that they would be better aware of what to do and not to do. Says the teacher to his presumably unmarried male student body, "And the closest image that I can give to you of the female organ is [the number] thirty-five..." so saying, he holds his finger and thumb together, and sticks out the other three fingers above it. "Now" he continues, "...the zero (meaning the place between the finger and thumb) is the actual vagina, and this is where the male organ goes. My finger above it is where the urethra is - this is where the female urinates from, and this is a different place than the actual vagina..."

One can only imagine how eagerly these young men must have been paying attention to their teacher's fingers and 'schematic diagram' that he attempted to demonstrate!
What is of interest to us here is the fact that great scholars like al-Qurtubi and Ibn al-Arabi saw no problem in relaying these experiences in their standard and famous works (on Tafsir no less!). The lesson that we learn from this is that basic human anatomy is a necessary requirement for understanding such issues, and as long as permissible means are used to convey the information, there is nothing wrong with studying such information!

In our future on-line class, we too will follow the example of these scholars, and mention necessary information in a permissible and pure manner.

Jazakum Allah khayr!

Yasir Qadhi

Please forward this to friends who might be interested. Feel free to send us your comments at: feedback@likeagarment.com To sign up, or for further information, log on to: www.LikeAGarment.com
ps. my hubs taught me to count this way and I was jumping up and down when I recognize the number.  I was smiling like an idiot and pointing at my screen and then looking at my hubs but he had already fallen asleep.

April 27, 2010

Who sins more, she who sins for pay? Or he who pays for sin?

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

This style of poem is in the Redondilla style. I studied and analyzed this poem in high school and I remember in true teenage fashion going "OH! no she didn't! what?! give it to them girl!"  MashaAllah.  I just loved her work and her life was extraordinaire.  Possibly one of the first Latin American feminists standing up for women.  Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz was incredibly talented as a child she learned a foreign language as a five year old or so based on just 3 lessons.  She would call out the injustices surrounding her whether they came from the church or the community.  She even wrote a scathing letter about a higher religious authority as a result her library was burned down and a religious order placed on her so she wouldn't write any more.

She was such a passionate person for justice and she was incredibly gifted in prose and at the time the only way a woman had the opportunity to write (I believe it was illegal) was to become a nun and she did.

Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz 
(12 November 1648/51 – 17 April 1695)
"Sátira filosófica

Hombres necios que acusáis
a la mujer, sin razón,
sin ver que sois la ocasión
de lo mismo que culpáis;

si con ansia sin igual
solicitáis su desdén,
por qué queréis que obren bien
si las incitáis al mal?

Combatís su resistencia
y luego, con gravedad,
decís que fue liviandad
lo que hizo la diligencia.

Parecer quiere el denuedo
de vuestro parecer loco,
al niño que pone el coco
y luego le tiene miedo.

Queréis, con presunción necia,
hallar a la que buscáis
para prentendida, Thais,
y en la posesión, Lucrecia.

¿Qué humor puede ser más raro
que el que, falto de consejo,
él mismo empaña el espejo
y siente que no esté claro?

Con el favor y el desdén
tenéis condición igual,
quejándoos, si os tratan mal,
burlándoos, si os quieren bien.

Opinión, ninguna gana,
pues la que más se recata,
si no os admite, es ingrata,
y si os admite, es liviana.

Siempre tan necios andáis
que, con desigual nivel,
a una culpáis por cruel
y a otra por fácil culpáis.

¿Pues como ha de estar templada
la que vuestro amor pretende?,
¿si la que es ingrata ofende,
y la que es fácil enfada?

Mas, entre el enfado y la pena
que vuestro gusto refiere,
bien haya la que no os quiere
y quejaos en hora buena.

Dan vuestras amantes penas
a sus libertades alas,
y después de hacerlas malas
las queréis hallar muy buenas.

¿Cuál mayor culpa ha tenido
en una pasión errada:
la que cae de rogada,
o el que ruega de caído?

¿O cuál es de más culpar,
aunque cualquiera mal haga;
la que peca por la paga
o el que paga por pecar?

¿Pues, para qué os espantáis
de la culpa que tenéis?
Queredlas cual las hacéis
o hacedlas cual las buscáis.

Dejad de solicitar,
y después, con más razón,
acusaréis la afición
de la que os fuere a rogar.

Bien con muchas armas fundo
que lidia vuestra arrogancia,
pues en promesa e instancia
juntáis diablo, carne y mundo
Silly, men--so very adept
at wrongly faulting womankind,
not seeing you're alone to blame
for faults you plant in woman's mind.

After you've won by urgent plea
the right to tarnish her good name,
you still expect her to behave--
you, that coaxed her into shame.

You batter her resistance down
and then, all righteousness, proclaim
that feminine frivolity,
not your persistence, is to blame.

When it comes to bravely posturing,
your witlessness must take the prize:
you're the child that makes a bogeyman,
and then recoils in fear and cries.

Presumptuous beyond belief,
you'd have the woman you pursue
be Thais when you're courting her,
Lucretia once she falls to you.

For plain default of common sense,
could any action be so queer
as oneself to cloud the mirror,
then complain that it's not clear?

Whether you're favored or disdained,
nothing can leave you satisfied.
You whimper if you're turned away,
you sneer if you've been gratified.

With you, no woman can hope to score;
whichever way, she's bound to lose;
spurning you, she's ungrateful--
succumbing, you call her lewd.

Your folly is always the same:
you apply a single rule
to the one you accuse of looseness
and the one you brand as cruel.

What happy mean could there be
for the woman who catches your eye,
if, unresponsive, she offends,
yet whose complaisance you decry?

Still, whether it's torment or anger--
and both ways you've yourselves to blame--
God bless the woman who won't have you,
no matter how loud you complain.

It's your persistent entreaties
that change her from timid to bold.
Having made her thereby naughty,
you would have her good as gold.

So where does the greater guilt lie
for a passion that should not be:
with the man who pleads out of baseness
or the woman debased by his plea?

Or which is more to be blamed--
though both will have cause for chagrin:
the woman who sins for money
or the man who pays money to sin?

So why are you men all so stunned
at the thought you're all guilty alike?
Either like them for what you've made them
or make of them what you can like.

If you'd give up pursuing them,
you'd discover, without a doubt,
you've a stronger case to make
against those who seek you out.

I well know what powerful arms
you wield in pressing for evil:
your arrogance is allied
with the world, the flesh, and the devil!

I don't have my notes so I am speaking out of memory both Thais and Lucrecia were historical figures of that time. Thais was a virtuous woman who was raped and she couldn't live with the shame so she committed suicide (may Allah swt save us from such trials, ameen) and Lucrecia (from memory) was the mistress of some general (maybe Roman not sure) who was known for her bedroom skills.  So basically in the poem she is saying you want Thais as your betrothed (pios, righteous, chaste woman) and you want Lucrecia (loose, slutty woman)in your bed.  I guess the modern day version would be Ludacris' "we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed."

Some is lost in translation but I think the message is LOUD and clear.  I mean think about the situation of women during the 1600's and a woman was calling it as she saw it.  I mean she could have been killed!  

What do you guys think of her writing?

ps. I know am on FIRE tonight.  Probably wont post for a while, I think I may have out-posted myself.

Tú me quieres Blanca. I love this poem

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I read this poem in my AP Spanish Literature classes and it just spoke to my inner feminist.  I lived in a heavily Hispanic community and I was tired of the blatant double standard that now with my vast 24 years of life, lol, I know is not unique to any one community.  At the time my male cousins were sleeping with anything that walked and wore a skirt but my female cousins got the living day lights beaten out of them if they smiled at a boy. I felt that if the punishment was served on one person but not on the other for the same or lesser act was unfair.  When I read this poem written decades ago it spoke directly to me.  Because the message that I was receiving at the time was that males SHOULD be promiscuous but women BETTER be virgins. Didn't seem right to me.  Now that I am Muslim I realized that a believer for a believer and an adulterer for an adulterer.

Me quieres de espumas,
Me quieres de nácar.
Que sea azucena
Sobre todas, casta.
De perfume tenue.
Corola cerrada

Ni un rayo de luna
Filtrado me haya.
Ni una margarita
Se diga mi hermana.
Tú me quieres nívea,
Tú me quieres blanca,
Tú me quieres alba.

Tú que hubiste todas
Las copas a mano,
De frutos y mieles
Los labios morados.
Tú que en el banquete
Cubierto de pámpanos
Dejaste las carnes
Festejando a Baco.
Tú que en los jardines
Negros del Engaño
Vestido de rojo
Corriste al Estrago.

Tú que el esqueleto
Conservas intacto
No sé todavía
Por cuáles milagros,
Me pretendes blanca
(Dios te lo perdone),
Me pretendes casta
(Dios te lo perdone),
¡Me pretendes alba!

Huye hacia los bosques,
Vete a la montaña;
Límpiate la boca;
Vive en las cabañas;
Toca con las manos
La tierra mojada;
Alimenta el cuerpo
Con raíz amarga;
Bebe de las rocas;
Duerme sobre escarcha;
Renueva tejidos
Con salitre y agua;
Habla con los pájaros
Y lévate al alba.
Y cuando las carnes
Te sean tornadas,
Y cuando hayas puesto
En ellas el alma
Que por las alcobas
Se quedó enredada,
Entonces, buen hombre,
Preténdeme blanca,
Preténdeme nívea,
Preténdeme casta. 
You want me to be the dawn
You want me made of seaspray
Made of mother-of-pearl
That I be a lily
Chaste above all others
Of tenuous perfume
A blossom closed

That not even a moonbeam
Might have touched me
Nor a daisy
Call herself my sister
You want me like snow
You want me white
You want me to be the dawn

You who had all
The cups before you
Of fruit and honey
Lips dyed purple
You who in the banquet
Covered in grapevines
Let go of your flesh
Celebrating Bacchus
You who in the dark
Gardens of Deceit
Dressed in red
Ran towards Destruction

You who maintain
Your bones intact
Only by some miracle
Of which I know not
You ask that I be white
(May God forgive you)
You ask that I be chaste
(May God forgive you)
You ask that I be the dawn!

Flee towards the forest
Go to the mountains
Clean your mouth
Live in a hut
Touch with your hands
The damp earth
Feed yourself
With bitter roots
Drink from the rocks
Sleep on the frost
Clean your clothes
With saltpeter and water
Talk with the birds
And set sail at dawn
And when your flesh
Has returned to you
And when you have put
Into it the soul
That through the bedrooms
Became entangled
Then, good man,
Ask that I be white
Ask that I be like snow
Ask that I be chaste

Must have been EARTH SHATTERING when first published. SubhanaAllah what I would have given to meet such a brave woman. 

What do you think? 

ah, to be rich...

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I had a high school teacher Mr. Perez once tell me that if you are rich and crazy its called being eccentric but if the same person was poor and crazy they would just be called crazy old man (fill in the blank).  10 years later and I still remember that lesson. I hope that makes my teacher proud :)

Anyway, I was watching the biography of my favorite actress ever (not gonna share because of what I am about to say next) when one of the reporters/commentators says "and then (famous, rich, leading man actor) approached her (my fave actress) and told her I will father your children" the commentator than swoons and says "isn't that the most romantic, awesome pick up line EVER?" 

ummm. NO!  It is dang creepy.  Its creepy as heck! Specially if this is said immediately after meeting each other. I mean if you take a poor Joe Shmoe and have him say the same thing he would get hit with a restraining order and a case of sexual harassment before he is even finished with the sentence.  FYI the leading man actor is 25 years older than the actress who at the time was 25 or so years old.

Funny how money changes perceptions.  Now this is ALLEGEDLY meaning it is a possibility he never said any such thing.  But what I am criticizing is not wheter HE actually said it but rather the commentator's take on it.  Because she is the one that thinks this is romantic.

DISCLAIMER: My fave actress is now happily married for many years to the actor who allegedly said this.  Remember that the criticism is not on the couple but rather the commentator who claims the actor said it.

nothing but pipe dreams and lies

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

In one of my facebook pages this lady is trying to convince me that you can be promiscuous and happy because she is.  I told her that she should keep telling herself that and one day hopefully she will believe it.  It's funny the lies some people tell when they think you have no experience.  She believes that because I am a Muslim niqabi I don't know what am talking about, I am not some wide eye foreigner who has never seen a woman wear a micro mini skirt that looks like a belt.  Been there and done that honey and you can't lie to me.  I have held way too many heads as they puke their guts out, I have kept friends hostage in my dorm room (and sometimes theirs) because they were too drunk to be wandering campus.  I have counseled way too many friends (and strangers, college does that to you) after one night stands (theirs not mine).  I have seen too many classmates walk back to their dorms with their clothing disheveled and their panties ON TOP of their shorts.  Mine you, my college was in the middle of a major city so these girls were walking through traffic looking like that.  I don't even know how many of them had been taken advantage of. *shudders*

I have bumped in to naked bodies as I was trying to make it to the shared bathroom.  Have seen and heard more people doing it than a budding porn aficionado (NOT by choice it's just that people are too drunk to have shame).   I have been to parties at a friend's college (Rutgers New Brunswick, side note: absolutely GAWGEOUS campus)  and as my friends and I were going for breakfast you could see a whole mess of girls coming out of the woods all messed up with a cop car nearby taking statements.  SO NO sweetie, you cannot sell me your pipe dream story.  

According to her definition of what a liberated woman is, it seems that the most liberated women in our societies must be the prostitutes.  I have spoken to many prostitutes (what? am a friendly person) and that is not the reaction I get from them.  She has this romanticized version of the sexual liberation so I told her that choices come with consequences and she should really speak to people who lived during that time to get a more balanced view.  I also told her she should speak to some old school feminists who had POSITIVE change for women.

btw she tried to backpedal and approach me in a different way after she realized her tactic wasn't working.  Can't stand liars.

I feel that YOUR life is YOUR choice and I am not going to be your personal assistant when it comes to these choices (unless your inebriated).  But I am not going to lie to you. CHOICES HAVE CONSEQUENCES AND THEY AREN'T ALWAYS PEACHY.

pretty woman is only a movie and allowing men (or women whichever way you swing) to abuse you is NOT empowerment.  If you choose to live your life that way than that is up to you but don't confuse it with being liberated.  nope.  I would also suggest getting checked every 6 months.

April 26, 2010

DON'T VOTE! Don't you know you are not supposed to do that?

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I was browsing my facebook 'home' and I noticed a picture stating that if you are Muslim you shouldn't vote.  WHAT?! The reason all these crazy laws against us are coming in to place (or have already been in place) is because of our political apathy.  If you didn't vote than your voice was not counted.  How the hell are you going to make change then? by violence? BY WHAT PEACEFUL METHOD?  Allah swt helps those who help themselves are you going to sit there and wait for change to happen?  (and yes they used HALF of a verse to prove their point) 

I hate this kind of mentality.  Hate it with a passion not only is it irresponsible but dangerous.  And these people who encourage Muslims not to vote are the same people moaning and complaining when unfair laws and regulations are enacted.  Well what did you expect?  You think politicians are guided by their morals?   That laws are decided by chance and an 8 ball? NO.  These people are CAREER Politicians that means that they will do just about anything to stay in power and guess how they come in to power? yup, because someone voted them in.  If you are not part of their constituents why would they listen to you?  out of the goodness of their hearts? 

OMG.  As Muslims we are told we HAVE to obey the law of the land and if you are not voting for the very people who make those very laws what chance do we have that those laws wont go against our religion? Come on!  I rather have some influence in the laws I am being ordered to follow. Just seems like common sense.

Look up our history when women and African Americans weren't allowed to vote in the USA, look at HOW many unfair laws were out there.  For goodness sake a woman of colored didn't have any legal recourse for rape until well in to the 1920's (although I think it was MUCH later).  Aren't we supposed to stand up for justice? aren't we?  How can we do that if we are not even part of the conversation?  

As a Latina I see all the discriminatory laws enacted against Latinos and for the most part my community does not vote.  It was probably after Clinton that we actually started going out and voting by numbers and guess what?  if you listen to any pundit during elections they are always mentioning how the candidates are courting the latino vote.  I wonder how that magically happen?

You think you will be safe because your vote did not elect a tyrant? Really? So you think Allah swt wont question you WHY you did NOTHING while a tyrant was elected?  please.  Sometimes the people we have to choose from aren't the greatest so if you think you could do a better job than RUN FOR OFFICE!  At the very least choose the lesser of two evils.  SubhanAllah!  If you choose to live in this country WAKE UP and become part of this society.  Life shouldn't just be something that HAPPENS to us, we should be actively affecting life.


April 25, 2010

Women's Health Pledge DRIVE

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Women's Health Pledge DRIVE

A couple of my blogger friends have discovered that their spouses may not have been faithful and one sis may have even gotten sick from it. InshaAllah it is nothing and if it turns out to be something I hope its curable ameen! This got me thinking, do we get checked as often as we should? Because if zina and adultery among other things didn't exist than aids, herpes and genital warts wouldn't either. Its not that you should doubt your spouses commitment to you but it is YOUR health and therefore you should be on top of things.

May is Women's Health month. Get yourself checked out, you owe it to yourself and you owe it to your family (specially if you have children). Take the pledge at Women's Health Pledge DRIVE

ps. Pink Anonymous is working on a resource center for free clinics run by Muslims if you live in California you are in LUCK! because we have TWO free clinics. Check them out!

April 24, 2010

Parenthood LOVE and Forever Young

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I am stuck on Parenthood (2010 tv series) specially the theme song (pasted below the post).  Its so mellow. Part of the reason I watch this show is because it feels real and frightening and funny.  I guess that is how parenthood feels like?  My favorite couple is Max's parents (he has Asperger's syndrome) and it terrifies me.  I make du'a that Allah swt doesn't test me with mental health challenges in my family but I also submit to His will and will take everything He has written for me.  When I was pregnant with my first baby I used to make du'a that if there were any physical abnormalities that He swt heals them, if there were any mental deficiencies that he fix them and so on. 

I know it is not the end of the world if a child is diagnosed with whatever they are diagnosed with.  Its more of the parent's inadequacies and all the dreams and hopes for the future WE have (keyword WE) that we feel die when diagnosed.  Like your child won't be accepted socially, that they won't be successful or that they will never get married and live in harmony with someone else.  Like I said TERRIFYING. 

My hubs and I have had arguments because he feels that some of the Muslim kids in our neighborhood don't aspire to be much past high school.  Like they think working at a foot locker is super cool and some don't even think they could even land that job.  Now, personally they are in their mid teens to early twenties and working in the mall is super awesome because this is the time when you are in to clothes and what better way to earn some money AND get a discount on your favorite sneakers?  I say GOOD FOR THEM!  

This is the way I see it, the kids want a burger and my husband is saying "NO, why don't you have this cheese steak instead?"  What is wrong with them wanting a burger?  I know I don't aspire to be a janitor but if someone I know wants to be a janitor I will help them become a janitor.  Whats wrong with that?  Not all of us must be engineers, doctors or lawyers.  You can help the people around them by helping them achieve THEIR dreams.  KWIM? Stop vicariously living through others and accept your failures and successes. Anyway rant/fight over.

here is the song...isn't beautiful?
May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

Artist  : Bob Dylan
Song : Forever Young

April 23, 2010

EMERGENCY Facebook Safety

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

MEMBERS FOR YOUR SAFETY...There is a new privacy setting called "Instant Personalization" that shares data with non-facebook websites and it is automatically set to "Allow." Go to Account > Privacy Settings >  Applications and Websites and un-check "Allow". Please double check

Also YOU may be careful with your information but your friends may put you in jeopardy. Every time your friends join a website using facebook connect, play a game or use a cutesie application to send something they give permission to access ALL of their friends information. You can make sure your friends aren't a liability by going to Account > Privacy Settings > Applications and Websites > What your friends can share about you (EDIT SETTINGS) uncheck everything (unless you don't mind third parties that you never authorized look at your private information and SAVE changes.

You might have to repeat it a couple of times because even though I kept clicking on "save changes" it took nearly 3 tries to get it to stick. Every time I would click on save changes go to another page on facebook and return to the setting they were still checked.

Here is a pic of what it looks like

Here is the text in case the picture above isn't clear. taken from the application and websites privacy settings.

What your friends can share about you through applications and websites

When your friend visits a Facebook-enhanced application or website, they may want to share certain information to make the experience more social. For example, a greeting card application may use your birthday information to prompt your friend to send a card

If your friend uses an application that you do not use, you can control what types of information the application can access. Please note that applications will always be able to access your publicly available information (name, Profile picture, gender, current city, networks, friend list and pages) and information that is visible to everyone.

* Personal info (activities, interests, etc.)
* Status updates
* Online presence
* Website
* Family and relationship status
* Relationship details (significant other, looking for, etc.)
* Education and work
* My videos
* My links
* My notes
* My photos
* Photos and videos I'm tagged in
* About me
* My birthday
* My hometown
* My religious and political views

Keep your friends safe and pass this along.

April 22, 2010

this is why children shouldn't used the internet unsupervised

somebody was playing this song for my son.  YES my 17th month old. If it wasn't for my husband telling me about it I would have never found out.  SHEESH.  This is what happens when you trust a 27 year old going on 6 to baby sit your baby.

April 20, 2010

let me clarify

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I was having a discussion with a friend last week and she wanted to know how I was able to overcome my abuse.  She couldn't understand why I don't want to beat, torture or murder the rapist nor those who facilitated it.  I was trying to explain to her that for starters I have not overcome anything as it is something you kinda work through your whole life.  So far it has become easier for me and specially after I write it down and leave it on my blog.    I told her that I don't feel that I have to do anything to him, he is in his late 70's and he is gonna die soon.  Eventually every soul in this world will taste justice and I wont even need to lift a finger to get it.  Matter of fact what he did to me as a 4 year old is so horrendous that there is no appropriate punishment that will ever come close to matching it.  I feel that if I did do something I may even reduce his punishment in the hereafter and lets face it, the punishment there is unimaginable.  

I will get my justice because it has been promised to me by Allah swt in the Qur'an
Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have succeeded. For the life of this world is but goods of chattels of deception" (al-Imran 3:185)
I don't hold any resentment or deep seeded hatred towards anyone that has harmed me in my 24 years of life.  I am still working through the aftermath and emotional scars of most of the abuse and I think I am doing a very good job of it.  I told my husband how my friend and I talked for hours about it and she kept grilling me about why I felt one way or another because it was hard for her to grasp or even begin to understand the stage I am in.  With her I was talking in a clinical/academic way almost like "give me the facts" and explain how you reached that point. I answered all her questions and she was still baffled by my answers.  My husband thinks that it is because my mentality is that of a survivor and not of a victim.  My friend is used to dealing with women in the process of healing that is still very early on. Obviously it has affected almost every aspect of my life (how can't it?) but I take it as just another experience that has influenced who I am but it doesn't singularly define me.

Now, don't get me wrong.  (May Allah swt protect me and all the women from going through such an experience, ameen) Hypothetically speaking if it were to happen to me again as an adult, I would gather as much information as I can, go to the police and file a report immediately.  If the perpetrator is ever caught I would press charges and haul his butt to court.  I feel that it would be my duty to do so.  Because even if he gets off he will have a record so that if in the future another woman takes him to court her case would be much stronger and the chances of him getting a stiffer sentence that much higher.  Justice is always served either in this life or in the hereafter we are just too impatient to wait for it.

ps. I would file a police report and press charges if anyone whether Muslim or non-Muslim ever stole my identity, robbed me or did any other unlawful thing to me.  Because I can't follow the perpetrator around blasting him for his actions and warning others about it.  Its not feasible but at least with a police record other people may become wary of him (or her) when he is applying for housing, jobs or even marriage (I know some sisters who do background checks).  I don't think it conflicts with the way I feel about the rapist.  His day will come when he will be in the only court that will matter and no amount of lies or trickery will get him off.

April 19, 2010

I KNOW this is going to sound bad, BUT hear me out...

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I have two numbers.  One that I give to the people I trust and I tell them under no circumstance should they give my number to anyone.  If someone wants to contact me to tell them they (my friend) will pass their number to me.  If this cannot be avoided and someone WANTS my number and it is like someone I can't just say NO to than I give them my google voice #. They dial the Google voice # and my cell rings (make sure your voice message doesn't have your number on it and instead has a simple "can't answer the phone right now...." message).  Their numbers on my address book already have a *67 on it so my number is blocked when and if I have to return a call.  Also google voice gives me the option to change that number as often as I want so if someone becomes unbearable I can just make myself unreachable to them.

I know mean but you would not believe how incredibly rude and inconsiderate some people can be, not caring that each text or call they make costs you additional money.  My friend just got a $400 phone bill because a friend of hers couldn't take a hint about how much it was costing her.  This person joked that they would pay the bill, well the bill is here and this person is all "i wasn't serious."

Cell phones are for MY and MY FAMILY's convenience it does not give you rights over me or my time.

Phone number rant OVER.

Facebook rant begin...
A lot of my readers have befriended me on facebook and I have come to learn a lot about them and they are truly amazing, mashaAllah.  Some of you I can count as true friends now and I love keeping up with you guys away from my blog.  Although I do enjoy meeting some readers, I did noticed that I had a couple of stalkers on it and I had to prune my facebook.  I also get a lot of male friend requests, some the usual green card hunters but the majority are bona fide brothers with connections or flourishing businesses that can help me further my goals.  I would like to befriend them but my profile is only for sisters. and my bio brothers  SOOOO I decided to leave my current profile for business and befriend those bros, if they request me again (I am a lady after all and will not be begging them) and start a new one for the people I know and friends.  I need to think about my facebook security as well as my son's security since I tend to share a lot about my son (am his mother I can't help it).  

so now if I encounter that person like in the phone scenario I will just give them my biz profile and keep them away from my personal one.

PS. I prefer to just be honest from the beginning and save myself and the person trouble, however, it cannot always be done.  Like one of your inlaws wants to connect with you and saying straight up NO would damage the relationship I would rather keep relations by giving them the second # or second profile.  Diplomacy.

April 18, 2010

My Newest Baby

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Remember my previous post (right here) about a sister in an abusive relationship we busted out (Charlie's Angels style)? or the one (right here) about another friend being told she was being abused because of Islam?  yeah, well a group of us got together and decided that we were through with complaining about the lack of resources for battered women in our communities.  As we did our research we found out that single parents  as well as families going through economic hardships needed assistance.   We decided to launch Pink Anonymous so that we can spotlight the organizations helping our community.  So every month we will focus a deserving non-profit and their project and help them achieve their goal whether it be monetary, du'as or with items like canned goods or coats for the winter.
Website: http://pinkanonymous.com/
About: http://pinkanonymous.com/about/
Contact: http://pinkanonymous.com/contact/

ps. Reminder of why it is important

The women are here for many reasons. It’s a sanctuary and an escape. It’s also a place where they can live and pray without having their faith questioned.
My biggest problem was that if you send a Muslim woman to be counseled in a shelter that’s run by Christians, then what the people say is the reason why you’re being beat is because of that religion. We do not want Islam to be the focal point of domestic violence,” Hanif said.
Indeed, domestic violence knows no religion, but not all shelters are sensitive to Muslims, Hanif said.
Taken from the NPR article read more
 Help us, help our sisters in faith.  Please pass it on to as many people as possible. JazakAllah khayran.

April 17, 2010

what the?

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

yeah, sorry am still in my youtube phase.  Keep your eyes on mama panda.

April 16, 2010

For the ignorant amongst us

THIS is the correct way of doing the lawn mower (minus the drugs)

ps. my son is doing much better..jazakallah khayr for the du'as.

April 14, 2010

please make du'a for my little man he is sick

subhanaAllah my baby boy went from being a high energy toddler to lethargic child in less than 24 hrs.  He is burning up with a fever of 100 (Fahrenheit), his cough sounds like a bark and he is having trouble breathing.  This is my first child so I am freaking out more than a seasoned parent would.  PLEASE keep him in your duas. please.

wa salaam

April 12, 2010


In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

My husband gave my son a haircut he had a mullet (biz in the front PARTAY in the back).  He tried cutting it with scissors and my son made a fuss so he used a razor. WATERWORKS! my son now has patches! NOOOOO! Patches, long strands of hair here and there as well as short hairs.  He butchered that beautiful mullet mane.  Its like my 17th month old gave himself a haircut.  *TEARS*
ps. we went on a play date and he was wearing his white kufi (with the mullet prominently featured) a white thobe and black on black converse.  TOO CUTE!   now I have patches.

April 11, 2010

Adopting children is NOT like getting a new pet!!!

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I am SO angry so angry! The article is HERE (Adopted Russian Boy Sent Back Alone On Plane). When you are adopting you go in to it more or less blind.  You may or may not get the family background or the psychological profile of the child.  She got a raw deal, she believed she was getting a healthy child and instead got a child that required a lot of assistance and specialized care.  I get that. I really do.  However, sending the child back unsupervised was NOT the right choice.  She could have relinquished him to social services and given up her parental rights.  As I was watching the tv special below they mentioned that A LOT of children adopted from Russia have developmental, emotional (because of life in the orphanages), psychological and behavioral issues sometimes more than one at a time.  This is why I believe people should adopt with their eyes WIDE open because lets face it, you weren't there during the pregnancy and therefore don't know what the birth mother could have ingested.  The children profiled suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome and the adopted parents didn't know about it until a week after the adoption.

Adopting an older child is traumatic, bringing them to the USA where they don't speak the language, add their behavioral/emotional challenges and inexperience from the parents and you have a dangerous situation.  A woman in the special accidentally killed her adopted Russian daughter after  the child displayed classical developmental delays.  I don't pass judgment on the people because I have never been in their shoes and inshaAllah I am never in their shoes.  What I am saying is that adoption is REAL and it should be permanent.  As such one should really do their research before committing to taking care of another life.  Children either biological or adopted come with special challenges and it is up to the adults to deal with it. 


April 10, 2010

my friend's kid is the cutest!

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

This is my friend's facebook status about her 2 1/2  year old daughter.

MY FRIEND: I was watching the news and there was a picture of Eliot Spitzer on the screen. Laila asked who he was, and I told her that he's a politician who broke the law. A few minutes later he was still onscreen and Laila pointed to him and said, "he fixed the law now."

MashaAllah, children do say the cutest things. Can't get anything pass them.  I mean how adorable is she?

April 7, 2010

what would I do without the men in my life?

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I got this in an email and I though I MUST share with you all! Enjoy.

April 4, 2010

I got hopelessly lost and the moral of Repo Men

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

I wanted to let you all know that I successfully drove in to New York City by myself and managed to get hopelessly lost.  Reason? I had a HORRIBLE craving and my husband said he wouldn't go in to the city for my platter of 53rd and 6th also referred to as CRACK MEAT. I really do believe they MUST add something to that plate because it is absolutely addictive.  Side note: they are the ONLY street vendors I buy from and they are zabiha halal.

I somehow ended on canal street because some dude blocked me from my exit and instead made a right (5 streets later) hoping to get to west side highway and instead ended up nearly on a couple of tunnels and bridges.  Dang, Manhattan has bridges EVERYWHERE.  I have no idea the streets that I cruised but I nearly got in to a couple of accidents because those darn cabbies cut me off or nearly hit me a COUPLE of times.  *shakes fist*  I did some pretty awesome maneuvering to get out of some near hits, tight spots and construction work. I also ALMOST hit the bull on wall street because the road split and I was on the right and that leads to some tunnel (have NO idea which one) so I cut sharply to the left. Because if I had left Manhattan to go to one of the other boroughs I knew it would take me longer to get home and gas prices in NY are expensive. 
At one point I saw a sign for the Staten Island ferry so I truly have no idea where I was.  Anyway, my husband who didn't think I would ACTUALLY go to NYC so late at night and by myself (I hadn't driven since August 2009 and NEVER in NY) was besides himself at home because I was lost and we don't own a GPS.  He wanted to give me directions but lets face it I didn't know the street names so what good would it have done?

I decided that despite being in lower Manhattan with a niqab and alone I was going to find myself a police officer and get him or her to help me out.  Those cabbies would have been nice but they were part of the reason I was lost in the first place.  And in my quest for a police officer (where the hell are they when you WANT them to be there?) I found my way.  Just like that.  I found my way.  Alhamdulillah.  Oh, and when I found my way I also noticed my lights were off. I turned them off for some reason the first time my husband started blasting my phone so I pulled over to answer it. OOPS. So maybe it was a good thing I didn't find a cop after all.  Made it to 53rd found parking with no problem and got my platter.

Anyway, made it home safely at 12AM and was stumped by our parking spot *ruined my triumphant homecoming*.  Last time I tried to park in it I scratched the car (August) hadn't attempted to park the car since or even drive since.  After 15mins of trying and pathetically not getting the job done I looked for off street parking and found one! yay!

NOW on to Repo Men which I also watched today.
The moral is "its better to have a smart enemy than a stupid friend."    ouch, but true. If Jake hadn't tried to keep his friend Remy from leaving the job, Jake would still have a life and a family.  Yeah, and you thought you couldn't learn anything from tv or the movies.  Is it sad that I thought we are probably not too far away from that movie being our reality?

PS. what the hell was I thinking going to NYC alone on a club night? I mean just the thought of that I see bumper to bumper traffic in my head.  Gawd what was I thinking? SIDE NOTE: I really do have a built in gps system in my head.  I can find my way from anywhere and I did, without help or directions from others.  MashaAllah.  I was nervous though.

April 3, 2010

Only in America

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

lol.  I know this speaks volumes of my maturity but what the heck am going to share anyway.  :)

April 2, 2010

Sneaky Gays

say what you must this clip had me rolling. Jane Lynch NAILED the performance as she usually does.
so much sneaky gay deception

"because if I can't tell who's gay, how will I know who to judge?"

April 1, 2010

Today, I became a stalker.

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

so, I did what I promised I would NEVER do, I became a facebook stalker. I was bored so I decided to check out my classmates from high school to see what they were up to AND I enjoyed it. Am I not supposed to?

So some of them are married to surprising people, relationships have lasted from high school (kinda sweet unless you knew the guy had cheated like crazy), single parents (lots of them), hoochie pictures for the girls and man whore pictures for the boys. Over all it looks like the high school classmates kinda stuck together (at least from some of the pics). Feeling a little left out.

What else? some surprising news, there was this guy who used to like me a lot in high school and I thought he was kinda slow. Not very good with numbers and barely got in to college. Guess where he is working now?
National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA, pronounced /ˈnæsə/)

WHAT?! I don't even know how to even tackle that one. Shoot, I keep shooting myself down I need to stop doing that and get out there! And another SUPER annoying guy that everyone used to hate his guts got MARRIED and to a HOT GIRL! I am totally shell shocked. That means that if he of all people managed to get married it reinforces my belief that there really is someone out there for everyone. subhanallah.

PS. I did not contact any of them, does not make me worst of a stalker? inshaAllah I wont be doing this anymore. I swear it was only because I was bored!

{edit} It lasted about 30 minutes as I went down the list I picked only the people I used to speak to or was friends with .