January 2, 2010

Abortions and Adoptions

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Sister Cecilia from My World in Me or My Life My Story posted a link to MTV's show 16 and Pregnant. I am VERY angry watching the show. VERY ANGRY. These kids get railroad into giving up their child by adoption agencies THAT MAKE MONEY ON EACH ADOPTION! OMG! It is SO unethical!


The lies these kids get told specially the myth that with that they have any rights when doing an open adoption. NO THEY DON'T. Once they sign parental rights away they NO LONGER have any say in their child's life.

Open adoption means that the birth mother and adopted family know who each other are. Even in an open adoption, the birth parents' legal rights of guardianship are terminated, and the adoptive parents become the legal parents. There are no guarantees that the adoptive parents will allow contact between the child and the birth parents.[1] In some jurisdictions, the birth and adoptive parents may enter into a binding agreement concerning visitation, exchange of information, or other interaction regarding the child.[2] Far more common are informal agreements, which may change over time as each set of parents' lives progress. As legal guardians, the adoptive parents are responsible for implementing contact arrangements in the child's best interests and hold final decision-making authority.

Open adoption is distinct from open records. Even in adoptions where all parties know the identities of one another, birth and adoption records remain sealed in those jurisdictions where that is the law regarding adoption.


I know that it comes from wiki but I didn't want to go into doing all the legal search but I did enough research before hand to know the REALITY of adoption. Reason for all the research was because I want to adopt and have brought it up to the hubs who is lukewarm to the idea. InshaAllah he will come around until then it is just a dream I foster.

Anyway seeing the show and the agonizing decision they had to make at such a young age is heartbreaking. I feel that women who give up their children to adoption or opt for an abortion do regret their choice. Maybe not always but once in a while in a moment of melancholy and what ifs.

I think adoption is a little easier (in my ignorant opinion) because you can eventually look up your child. I mean the child might not want anything to do with you but at least there is that option to see them later, as selfish as that sounds. Abortion is so FINAL for me its scary.

I still think parents and potential parents should do what they think is best for their child whether it be to keep the child or give them up for adoption. I just feel that they should be FULLY informed and not lied to. If they go into it with the full understanding that they may never see their child again and yet still decide to do it, than that's fine. inshaAllah. I am not going in to the Islamic aspect of all of these as I just wanted to share how I feel about it and am too scared to share something that might turn out to be incorrect. May Allah swt save me and forgive me for ever doing so. ameen.

Another show I watched was Find My Family an Australian documentary show that helps people who are looking for their biological parents or parents looking for their biological children once they are older find each other. I cried through out the whole 5 or so episodes I watched. One adult dude told his mom "I know you didn't hold me when I was born because if you had, you would have kept me." And that was the truth. She didn't hold him out of fear she wouldn't go through with the adoption. I made up my mind that if we ever adopt I will do it Islamically meaning keeping the children's original name and as much information as possible to help them out if they ever decide to find their biological parents. Am sure my heart will break with agony at the thought they might just leave me but I feel it is their birth right. We don't own anyone not even those born biologically. They have all been borrowed from Allah swt and He swt will call them to him eventually. So I intend to get as much good deeds as possible by sponsoring orphans and adopting them.


Umaymah said...

great post sis masha'Allah.

I have seen some of that show too and it made me sick to be honest. its so sad. I was 15 when I fell pregnant with my son, 16 when I had him. and i had my own brother and father ask me why i didnt opt for abortion!

I personally wouldnt feel comfortable adopting unless it was done completely islamically (like you said) because my mother was adopted from birth and she had a hard childhood and felt different and abandonded. when she eventually found her real mother, it was not a nice experience at all :(


May Allah protect all children, everywhere...

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

muslim convert / revert said...

yes so true like the "borrowed from Allah s.w.t" masha Allah its brill how your sponsoring orphans :) its a shame how so often people forget the less fortunate XXX

hispanic muslimah said...

As for myself, I think adoption is better because a life isn't being terminated.
Isn't it wonderful how Islam is practical in every way? In Islam, the adopted child keeps his/her biological parents last name....plain honesty is the best policy. I know adoption in Islam can get complicated when it comes to marriage and inheritance issues but our religion does of give us guidelines for good reasons even though we may not always know why.

Muslimah said...

Aslamu Alaikum, I think adoption is better then abortion i guess because no matter how early they do the abortion to me it still seems like they killed an innocent baby. As for personally adopting i think its a good idea allahu alim and mashallah i admire your courage. I know people who have adopted children Islamicly and alhumdulilah for them everything worked out. take care

AlabasterMuslim said...

Um, this is random, but what 'anonymous' wrote to you...wrote the same thing on another blog.

Anyway, i love this show. it comes on every Tuesday, i missed the last show but it'll be on again soon.
I honestly thought open adoption meant that everyone knew everyone and they would have visitation rights, but i guess that is not the case. I can't go against what those kids did, because if they had enough guts to give their child away then obviously that was for the best. Personally, i could never give my child away, unless it was of the most dire need, authu billah!
But abortion...
Don't get me started. Murderers. I know a lady who just had an abortion about a week ago (her second). Astaghfirallah. The only time for abortion is what Allah swt has deemed ok, and even then I would struggle immensely with the act.