December 28, 2010

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

Open Letter from Women Affairs of AMH Inc

May Allah swt help them get a new shelter and adequate funding. AMEEN

December 18, 2010

I just got played!

my husband went to work today and left me with a wailing toddler in our room "BAABAAA! BAAABAAAAA!" I actually fell a sleep after fajr so I have only slept for 2 or so hours.  I got up told him in no uncertain terms he needed to stop that right now. He did.  Maybe the fact that he had been "crying" for nearly 15 minutes and there were no tears on his face nor was it remotely pink should have given me heads up. but Alas, I was a zombie! I go back under the covers and I hear "MAAAMIIII! MAAAAAAMIIIIII!! FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"  Call it parental guilt or what have you I got up because the poor boy asked for food.

Just because I decided stupidly to stay awake so I can prepare for fasting today doesn't mean he has to pay for my poor judgment.  I get up and stumble towards the door, my bladder informing me that if I didn't make it to the bathroom I was gonna have to explain to my toddler why Mami peed in a spot he is not allowed to pee in.  When I left the bathroom and started rummaging in the fridge for my sons food, his grandfather comes by and tells me "Oh, JUST fed him a couple of minutes ago."

well played son, well played.  Now am here typing in my blog with a couple of hours of sleep and my sleep is gone.  I am still tired and my newborn (who is actually 3 months today! mashaAllah) keeps looking at me all dewey eye and excited, like she and I are gonna be playing something....My son's aunt took  pity on him for wailing and is right now taking care of him. Normally I wouldn't let this slide by or it becomes a bigger ordeal later but I am just too physically and mentally tired to deal with it right now.  I know that by taking the easy way today I will have to pay hard later.  Habits start somewhere and today I got played.

ahhhh Alhamdulillah.

December 15, 2010

had a tooth pulled...not cool

I hate dealing with receptionists and their attitudes.  Waited almost 2 hours to get a tooth pulled that took only 2 minutes at most.  It itches but alhamdulillah a clot has formed. I think it maybe the chemo days of my childhood coming back to haunt me because I almost had a panic attack waiting for the dentists.  I have such a dislike for medical procedures that I would probably need to be sedated in order for professionals to perform the simplest of medical tasks on me.

I have 2 other teeth to pull and although the extraction bit was EASY BREEZY and no complications or even pain once the anesthesia wore off (felt only itchiness and pressure) I still dread it.  I dread it with a passion.  I am personally convinced that if I ever go in to a hospital to give birth I will most definitely need a cesarean for failure to progress. Am dead serious.  Hospitals freak me out and giving birth at home was more personal and peaceful for all parties involved....well maybe not the neighbors ;) Probably should have given them heads up about the birth but that is another story. Inshaallah will tell it soon.

Now I looked at myself in the mirror and I can't help but feel self conscious about the gap.  :( NOT sexy.  :(  What I have considered is since I have an overbite to go to an orthodontist and get braces (yea I KNOW! definitely not sexy) to straighten my teeth and to reduce the gap....nah I mean?

I considered invisaling but since my hubs is unemployed it is WAY out of my budget so metal braces it is.  I guess it makes me happy that I wear niqab and the outside world wont see me with braces at 25.  Alhamdulillah.  BUT the one that matters is hubs and I DO care about my looks for him even though he said he is already coming up with jokes for me.  Why do men think its funny to make jokes about things that make their wives self conscious?  beats me.

so off to search for metal mouth dentistas.  I dread it. am scared.

December 14, 2010

Kamal El-Mekki on musica


December 11, 2010


I wear my scars with pride. 
I'm found in the nourishment of pain.
I'm felt in the bliss of love. 
I'm thumped under the feet of betrayals. 
I'm risen by the faith. 
I'm seen in the dark.
I'm hope. 
I hide behind your hurt.
by Hina Baig

stolen from UmmOmar

December 6, 2010


Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion. 

This ayat makes me feel better whenever I have bitter emotions. I will get my justice.

November 28, 2010

Dealing with the aftermath of rape

So most  of you know that I was raped for many years as a child and I have managed thus far to be a well adjusted individual, who is well liked and for the most part doesn't cause know average.  Well my postpartum depression hit me with a vengeance and in hopes of avoiding meds because I distrust them plus it is very important to me to breastfeed my baby girl, I have been seeing a counselor. The last couple of times I met with her we were trying to figure out WHY I didn't have postpartum with my son but I did with my daughter. 

Her conclusion was that by giving birth to a girl I was forced to deal with my past.

The moment that my daughter was born and I mean the moment she came out and was placed in my arms, the first thoughts that crossed my mind were of dismay.  I was saddened because she was a girl and life is so hard for the female gender.  The second thought was ALHAMDULILLAH she is a girl! no circumcision!! You guys have no idea how distraught I was the first time after going through an un medicated birth just to have my newborn circumcised (2 weeks later but it was still traumatic for me).  

Anyway the birth of my daughter has shaken me up to the core.  Somehow my coping mechanisms don't work, 3 years of repressed memories are very S L O W L Y resurfacing and I am a lost 3 yr old again.  I fear for her. I fear that she wont be happy, that she would suffer what I suffered, that she would get a crappy husband, be a victim of a crime etc, etc. etc.   I look at her and my heart loves her, from head to toe and am angry that it is affecting me so.  I am strong dang it! I am strong! He will not ruin my children's lives like he did to mine. 

Its a mix bag on the one hand am angry that I was raped while undergoing chemo and on the other I don't feel like taking vengeance on the perpetrator (60 yr old at the time) or the facilitators (his wife et. al).  I know that every soul will taste death and every soul will get justice and I trust Allah swt.  But forgiving them is one thing but the scars are another.  The damage that has been done despite my denials HAS affected me in ways that I never expected.

My lovely baby girl has open some old wounds and insecurities but they are finally being dealt with and healed.  La ilaha ila Allah.

November 17, 2010

belated EID MUBARAK!!

Eid Mubarak Brothers and Sisters! Taqabbal Allahu Minna wa Minkum, May Allah accept from us and from you. InshaAllah you have/had a blessed Eid with family and friends.

November 13, 2010

The unthinkable just happened!

OH MA GAWD!  I didn't think it was possible but it finally happened, I disapproved/disagreed with Jo Frost's recommendation to keep a newborn IN their car seat when NOT in a car (Season 7 Episode2 Peterfreund Family). OMG.  OMG.  Here is a article with more details on why that is a HORRIBLE idea.
In 1995, a study was done on infants’ oxygenation levels in their car seats. Normal oxygenation levels – that is, the amount of oxygen circulating in the blood stream attached to red blood cells – range between 97-99% in a healthy term infant in optimal positioning. Any oxygenation level below about 90% is considered “hypoxia” – the baby is not receiving enough oxygen, and brain damage can result if that level is sustained. Shockingly, healthy, full-term newborns placed in correctly positioned car seats had oxygen levels that went as low as 83.7%. In the hospital, such levels would bring teams of nurses scrambling to the infant’s rescue. While not all infants’ oxygenation levels reached such depths, there was a consistent finding that the longer the baby spent in the car seat, the lower their oxygen levels would go, until the baby was removed from the seat.
The study was repeated in 2005, with the same results.
You know these parents should really consider buying a sling, a mei tai or another safe baby carrier as it makes it easier to go about your biz, play with the older children while keeping the newborn safe and being nurtured.  I LOVE my sling and its something I cannot live without it simplifies my life and its easy on me to take care of an overly active toddler while still giving my newborn the attention it needs.

PS. not every sling is safe check this well written article about safety

[edit] by "THESE" parents I mean the parents featured on the show not the parents featured in the study.

November 12, 2010


as salaamu aalaykum!

sorry for the lack of posts but my life has been hectic with a trip to the hospital for my toddler and newborn.  I am dealing with post partum depression TOTALLY sucks.  Alhamdulillah am fine and its not severe enough to need medication but its still a kick in the gonads for me.

broke down a couple of times got angry at hubs....currently still angry...what else?

oh yea, I was on one of my friend's profile (a shutterbug) and I found a picture of me back in 2007 with niqab acting a fool in another friend's baby shower.  WELL, the pictures are hilarious but am kinda of embarrassed at the same time. Those gang signs were meant for my friends only and why the heck did someone NOT tell me I had food on my niqab?  I mean seriously people. Seriously. I know I was a niqab newbie at the time but dang the stain wasn't part of the act.  Know what I mean jelly bean?

AWWW  the humiliation 3+ years later! but still.

aint right I tell you. AINT RIGHT.

ps. WHY did I think doing gang signs in niqab was cool back then is beyond me.  Cut me a break I was 21 almost 22 at the time, practically a BABY.

October 22, 2010

I think I may have a problem...

"you are cordially invited an official meeting of Facebook Over-Users Anonymous. We meet here 24 hours a day; 7 days a week. Glad you could join us!"
Hi my name is Tuttie and I am an facebook over-user.  *tears*
When I was in labor with my baby girl (09/18/2010) I had the presence of mind to update my status in between contractions...and post a dua request on du'a request line.  Followed by an update afterward.

Last night I had a splitting migraine and I had puked my guts out and I couldn't sit in front of my computer to update my status to let y'all know so I used my cell.  It didn't help my migraine staring at a small screen in the dark around 2 AM but I did it.

OH GAWD! I need help!  dang facebook is more addictive than crack...    So yeah I think I may have a problem.

ps. imagine how awesome my iman would be if use this level of commitment and memorized the Qur'an? I suck.

October 14, 2010

Allah's Love

this post is in reference to LK's post on God's love (HERE) which was inspired by Nikki's post (HERE).  I just copy pasted my answer to these wonderful ladies below. 

taken from Tafsir Ibn Kathir.

The meaning of Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim.

Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim are two names derived from Ar-Rahman (the Mercy), but Rahman has more meanings that pertain to mercy than Ar-Rahim...

...Al-Qurtubi said, "It was said that both Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim have the same meaning, such as the words Nadman and Nadim, as Abu 'Ubayda has stated. Abu 'Ali Al-Farsi said 'Ar-Rahman, which is exclusively for Allah, is a name that encompasses every type of mercy that Allah has. Ar Rahim is what effects the believers, for Allah said,

And He is ever Rahim (merciful) to the believers. 33:43

Also ibn 'Abbas said -about Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, they are two soft names, one of them is softer than the other (meaning it carries more implications of mercy).

Ibn Jarir said: As-Surri bin Yahya At-Tamimi narrated to me that 'Uthman bin Zufar related that Al-'Azrami said about Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, "He is Ar-Rahman with all creation and Ar-Rahim with the believers." hence Allah's statements,

Then He rose over (Istawa) the Throne (in a manner that suits His majesty), Ar-Rahman.25:59 and,

Ar-Rahman (Allah) rose over (Istawa) the (Mighty) Throne (in a manner that suits His Majesty). 20:5.

Allah thus mentioned the Istawa- rising over the Throne along with His name Ar-Rahman, to indicate that His mercy encompasses all of His creations. Allah also said,

And He is ever Rahim (merciful) to the believers. Thus encompassing the believers with His Name Ar-Rahim. They said, "this testifies to the fact that Ar-Rahman carries a broader scope of meanings pertaining to the mercy of Allah with His creation in both lives. Meanwhile, Ar-Rahim is exclusively for the believers."

to read more buy the book :)

ps. LOVING my newborn sorry for the lack of updates...will get up on that soon. inshaAllah.

September 23, 2010

DeAr kids...

I am submitting my sleeping schedule for your approval.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

Mommy aka AMMAAAAAAAAAAAA!, Ma, mom, Mum, Mamiiiii.

September 19, 2010


As Salaamu Aalaykum! 

My baby girl was born Sept 18 @ 11:54PM at home, my 2nd homebirth. It was a very short but INTENSE labor. Everything went well my midwives were amazing, mashaAllah, may Allah swt grant them and their families hidayah.ameen.  We didn't know the gender so it was a nice surprise at the end.  ALhamdulillah. Both baby and I are fine although the father is totally freaked out...something about hitting the gym to 'beef' up.  

 I will be inactive for quite sometime while I bond with my newborn and help my toddler adjust to sharing.  Please keep us in your du'as. ameen. 

Thank you all for your du'as they meant a lot to me. 

ps. If you follow me on facebook or my pages you got this same message.  SORRY. I only had enough time to copy paste it. :)  Make du'a for me :)

September 10, 2010

A little secret I have been keeping...

I told my friends (offline) and a couple of sisters I met online.  I have been DYING to share with you all but my husband insisted I wait and wait and wait.  If you are on my facebook then you know what it is as I did share there unbeknown to hubby. THE NEWS?  I am currently 38 almost 39 weeks pregnant about 11 days to go until the due date and am exhausted.

I was able to fast most of the month of Ramadan but had to stop towards the end because my tooth pain aka tooth infection was causing too much discomfort and my body was dealing with all that infection going to the kidneys and what not.  So that was kinda disappointing as I was looking forward to a full month of Ramadan goodness.  I am inshaAllah having a homebirth again as it was an amazing and empowering experience with my son.  Health wise I am above average, blood work is excellent, placenta in an awesome place and all around wellness.  I would like for you guys to make du'a for me and I will make a quick post if I have time letting you know if labor started.

I don't know what I am having as I wanted a surprise just like before with my son.  That's all for now folks as I can't sit for too long because its not comfortable...

ps. when I lay down I feel like a beached whale....uff


Alhamdulillah EID is here! I am ready, pumped and still riding the Ramadan high! I started memorizing Qur'an again and got 6 verses down today. WOW subhanaAllah you stop for a little bit and its so hard to get back on.  

Make du'a that Allah swt makes it easy for me to memorize, practice and live the Qur'an. AMEEN. 

May you enjoy your EID, may we continue to strive to do good deeds and may we stay on tawheed. AMEEN

September 9, 2010

Don't Worry...

this is a repost from my Hijab Life blog, I just wanted to share...


In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليك

Alhamdulillah. I wasn't really worried about the fringe fanatics trying to incite violence by burning the Qur'an since its the proper way of disposing of such a beautiful and holy book anyways.  I also didn't feel that they deserved to be mentioned by name as to not increase their notoriety but I decided to post the below statement from Lupe Fiasco because it is so true. WE really need to stop being so reactionary and be more proactive in how the community sees us and how we interact with the community at large as well.

"If they burn a book, have no worries. The book will feel NO pain so neither should you! True destruction of the Qur'an cannot be done with fire; it is destroyed when we fail to remember practice its lessons in our daily lives. If this occurs, then it is ANOTHER fire that you should truly be concerned about!" -Lupe Fiasco on Twitter 

I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship but Allah swt and Muhammad (saw) is His messenger.  I am pleased with Allah swt as my Lord, Muhammad (saw) as my Messenger and Islam as my religion.  LA ILAHA ILA ALLAH! 


I got it from a fb ad about making Jewish friends.  I was like I LOVE THAT LOGO! Whoever is responsible for their marketing campaign needs a raise or needs to get hired ASAP.  

September 8, 2010


things Muslims do because they have no sense of self esteem or gonads.  Act like a worm and people will step on you.  So far they are GLEEFULLY doing it and I no longer feel bad for them.  You want other than your Rabb so prepare for humiliation.  You will NOT find honor looking for it from anyone but Allah swt until you learn that lesson keep being an inflatable doll for public use.

^^^what he said ^^^

September 5, 2010


Alhamdulillah I live in an almost fitnah free environment.  I am not exposed to extensive backbiting or other detrimental behavior either from my in laws (immediate) or my friends.  Maybe its because of this that when I do encounter it  (mainly online) it feels like someone smacked me, punched me and threw cold water on me.  

The fitnah people start just because they can or in the ruse of self expression is enormous. SubhanaAllah there is this sister who I accepted a friend request from because we have similar backgrounds and what not (plus she kept trying to add me even after I kept refusing it) is ticking me off.  Why ask a controversial question that is a wedge issue among Muslim women and then get offended when given an answer is beyond me.

There really was no benefit in the rhetorical question whatsoever.  It was insulting enough for those committing the alleged transgression to dig in their heels and refuse to reform and at the same time it gave a self righteous platform for others (who GLADLY took advantage of it).  It was just awful behavior on display.  We are in the last 10 nights of Ramadan why not focus on productive things or actions that will take you to jannah?  I stand by my belief that life is like a wheel, sometimes you are on the top but as long as the car keeps moving you will eventually end up on the ground, possibly being smeared in to the mud.  So why act all self righteous?  What if Allah swt tests you with what the people you are ridiculing were tested? 

I removed her from my friends list because even though I have NEVER met the chick she brings so much drama to my online world.  The only reason I would even attempt to keep such a toxic person nearby is if I was emotionally invested in her (like a friend in need), someone I grew up with or family members.  Seeing as she is neither I deleted her.  

Anyway, I am eternally grateful at the sisterhood I have been offered by my blog readers on this blog, my other blogs and on facebook.  I am grateful to the awesome women I have met offline who exemplify the Islamic code of ethics, manners and sisterhood.  I thank Allah swt that I was not afflicted with worst things.  I thank Allah swt that I am as healthy as I can possibly be, that I am in a safe relationship, that I have shelter, food, drink and love.  I thank Allah swt for all the good I have been blessed with and I ask Allah swt to forgive me for my shortcomings. ameen.

ps. SubhanaAllah. the fact that I felt the need to post on here about it is annoying enough for me to implement a zero tolerance  policy with fitnah.  Its draining and unproductive.

pps. This not only applies to Muslim women as I have had non Muslim women bring as much fitnah in to my life as well as offering me their friendship and treating me like family.  I don't believe in the Muslim women vs Non Muslim women bit.  We are all humans and as such subjected to the human condition its flaws and awesomeness.  As a Muslim you should know better because you have guidance and direct orders on how to treat your fellow human being.

May Allah swt give us all hidayah. ameen.

September 4, 2010


no, am not advocating one way or the other, its just that when I read this article the first thing that came to mine was Sean Paul singing "legalize it..."

I also kept thinking of a teenager being pulled over by the cops and the kid saying "it aint me officer! I swear! its the CAR!"

or of the neighborhood potheads (you know each hood has them) chasing the  cars just like dogs do just to get a The possibilities are ENDLESS!

"Hippies, rejoice: The world's first cannabis electric car may soon hit the roads of Canada. And guess what? The amusing auto is a truly inspiring feat of engineering.

Developed by Alberta-based Motive Industries, the car prototype—known as the Kestrel—is made from a biocomposite partly derived from local hemp. Because the material is uber-light, it reduces the car's electricity consumption. And it's cheaper, more renewable and less health-hazardous than standard fiberglass to boot. (The only possible hitch so far is the speed of the vehicle. It is projected to max out just under 60 miles an hour at maximum.)"

August 28, 2010



sadly didn't fast today and I was in the dumps.  Alhamdulillah I was invited to an iftarbq...yes an iftar BBQ. TOTALLY AWESOME!  Like TOTALLY.  Met new sisters....let see, what else?  my tooth still hurts. That's all.

I have an obsession...

its called PSYCH! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT. LOVE their theme songs, love the characters, love the jokes, love the plots, i love everything about it. Which is surprising considering how critical I am of shows.  This is one of those shows I don't mind watching the episode OVER and OVER again. LOVE IT.  For a while they would sorta change their  theme song to match the episode. Like when they cover the Spanish novela the theme song was in Spanish or the hind love affair it was in Hindi and the Acapella murder get the point.  I am going to share the theme song because I LOVE IT.

In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity.
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity.
If it's alright, then you're all wrong.
But why bounce around to the same dang song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl...

I know, you know, that I'm not telling the truth.
I know, you know, they just don't have any proof.
Embrace the deception- learn how to bend,
Your worst inhibition's gonna psych you out in the end.

I know, you know....
I know, you know....
I know, you know....
I know, you know...

Acapella version from Boys 2 Men I don't like the twirling screen but whatever...



I will be buying ALL the seasons, inshaAllah

August 27, 2010 ticking me off

Apparently facebook just launched a new thing called "facebook places" It is a feature that lets users "check in" to Facebook using a mobile device to let a user's friends know where they are at the moment.  CREEEPY. VERY, VERY CREEPY.  If I wanted people to know where I was I would SAY so and post it on my status. Imagine all the weird friend requests you have gotten over time and sometimes out of curiosity accepted them.  Do you really want them to know where you live?

Or for those who have teenagers using facebook do you want the people on their friends list to know their exact location?  Well do you?  HELL NO.  Spread the word so inshaAllah people are aware and can choose to turn it off or keep it.

I use facebook a lot to network and I had some issues with stalkers before I definitely do not like this at all. I am seriously considering not going back to facebook if these sneak attacks continued. I wasn't even notified. I found out via a friends post. So far this new feature is only 2 days old so we don't know what the effects will be but as of now I DISTRUST IT.  Thankfully facebook is allowing you to turn it off. So here is a step by step tutorial to turn it off.

This is the link and you can skip to #3 or you can do it step by step.

1) go to"Account"

2) "Account Settings"

3) "Notifications", then scroll down to "Places" ...and uncheck the 2 boxes. Make sure to SAVE changes

EDIT: Irendi says that this is not enough you have to go to privacy settings and scroll down to "Places I check in to" and choose ONLY ME.  The one beneath that says "Places I check in to" uncheck.  THEN inshaAllah you will be safe.

August 26, 2010

Musulmana soy...Alhamdulillah

I came across this video on fb via friends and I was tearing up.  I got all excited just because the first speaker was from El Salvador (my peeps!) and I was like pointing at the screen and going ME TOO!!  Very mature and lady like.  Secondly the other dude the Columbian had a lot of similar experiences as I did and I really related to him. Alhamdulillah they were guided and many others were guided via them.

Allah swt is the one who changes the hearts of the people NOT us.  All we have to do is convey the message via actions and words.  May Allah swt give us ALL hidayah. AMEEN.

"Educando Latinos Sobre El Islam" 
Entendemos la bondad de poseer el idioma Español y la gran responsabilidad de explicar la verdad acerca del Islam a la poblacion latina del mundo através de los medios audiovisuales. (en Español)

"Educating Latinos About Islam" 
We understand the bounty of possessing the Spanish language and the great responsibility to explain the truth about Islam to the Latino population worldwide through the use of multimedia. (in English)

Imagine this...

Dear Mr. and Mrs Black New Yorican Family,

Your presence offends us, it brings down our property values and just pretty much offends us and what we stand for. We would like you to please NOT move in to our community and as a sign of unity you considering moving your place of residence a respectable distance from our community property line.  Thank you for your understanding and anticipated cooperation.

God Bless, (unless you don't believe in God, that's cool heathens
Concerned Community 

ps. HAPPY KWANZAA and Cinco de Mayo!

THEY ARE RIGHT! Its not racist or bigoted at all. Its simply a nicely worded letter asking people who we disagree with that for the sake of unity they should capitulate. I mean if the majority of us are asking for it, its only the right thing for this family to do but to get up and move.  Oh, and it works for any other ethnic/minority group TOO! Here is a sample letter give it a try!

Dear Mr. and Mrs (insert controversial figures here),

Your presence offends us, it brings down our property values and just pretty much offends us and what we stand for. We would like you to please NOT move in to our community and as a sign of unity you considering moving your place of residence a respectable distance from our community property line.  Thank you for your understanding and anticipated cooperation.  
Your thoughts?

August 25, 2010


ya'll know I live in the NY/NJ metro area right? Aight. Well a NY cabby's throat was slashed yesterday after the attacker confirmed he was Muslim.  The attacker first claimed he was an ex soldier than it turns out he was just a volunteer for some documentary about Afghanistan.  Alhamdulillah the brother survived and the douche apprehended and is currently being charged with attempted murder and some hate charges.  

Mr. Enright asked the taxi driver, who was from Bangladesh, whether he was Muslim, Mr. Zaleta said.
After the driver said he was, Mr. Enright responded with the Arabic greeting, “Assalamu alaikum,” according to the criminal court complaint.
Then Mr. Enright said, “Consider this a checkpoint,” before pulling out a Leatherman utility knife and slashing the taxi driver’s throat, Mr. Zaleta said. The driver turned and Mr. Enright slashed him in his face and forearms, Mr. Zaleta said....
Mr. Enright sliced the driver’s “neck open halfway across his throat,” Mr. Zaleta said.

Anyway my friend, her hubs and 2 small (toddler and newborn) were driving down the turnpike today when another douche was making throat slashing signs.  Intimidating a mother in front of her children really REALLY makes you a tough guy. WHAT A LOSER.  They must not have much going on if this is how they feel "important and relevant"

All am saying is I PITY THE FOOL who thinks they can pull that sort of crap with me.  Let me repeat that again, I PITY THE FOOL who is unlucky enough to attempt that crap with me.  I survived war, survived rape, survived cancer, survived abuse and some scum bag is going to come and try to intimidate me because they think they are bad? HELL TO THE NO.  Fool get your ignorant butt to a community college and get some education and stop embarrassing yourself.  You aint bad. Unless you lived in a developing country your butt hasn't SEEN bad (movies don't count). I am Muslim, I am an American, I am Latina, I am a mother, a wife, sister, daughter... I may be a lot of things but I am not a push over and I know my rights.  So if you want to be a warrior stick to trolling online its more suitable for cowards.

August 21, 2010

Is Fox News a Terrorist Command Center?

I AM JUST SAYING!  He makes a very compelling logical argument aided by a flashcard and some highlighter.  Also I kept mentioning to fellow Muslims that this project was approved by the local community including religious groups MONTHS ago and it was flying through the community zoning meetings.  The opposition didn't come until carpetbaggers (technically reversed carpetbaggers) decided that they had a say in what goes on in OUR backyards. Let the New Yorkers decide what they WILL and WILL NOT accept in their city.   Last I check the attack on the WTC happened in NY and therefore NEW YORKERS have the bigger say in this debate.

YOU don't want mosques in your backyard? That's your prerogative and you can go and protest all you want in the locality YOU LIVE IN.  I wonder how they would feel if Muslims decided to start a little group the "brotherhood of the traveling Mosque-teers" and show up in all these community meetings promoting the building of Islamic centers or Mosques. I am pretty darn sure they would be pist that outsiders would come in to their town and force change the will of the community.  AM JUST SAYING!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Extremist Makeover - Homeland Edition
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

August 19, 2010

My heart is breaking....

I feel so stupid and self absorbed.  Where the hell have I kept my head these past couple of months? why did I NOT see it earlier? How could I have missed it?

I was talking to my brother last night and questioning him about why he had poor grades (mashaAllah after doing very poorly in high school he had a 3.3 gpa in college).  He let it slipped that since March of this year they have been homeless.  They have been taking turns sleeping at different people's houses or at the factory (family biz).  I can't help them. I am broke myself.  If it wasn't for my in laws we would also be homeless. Ya Allah! Ya Allah!  Ya Allah!

My mom didn't tell me nor did my youngest brother as they didn't want to worry me. Matter of fact they STILL haven't told me. My tooth starting hurting today so much that my whole left side of the face was in pain including my ear and throat.  Please make du'a for me and my family.  SubhanaAllah, I started Ramadan very strong and I am getting pummeled.  In the hereafter I will know of my reward in the mean time I don't want to lose it.  When you are fasting please remember me and my family and when you break your fast too.  

I need to start making money, I need to get off my butt and start making moves. This cannot continue like this.
May Allah swt grant my WHOLE family iman and put their affairs in order. AMEEN.

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: 

 إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
 Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.
 Surat 94 ayah 5-6

August 18, 2010

National Eid Toy and Gift Drive

National Eid Toy and Gift Drive

National Eid Toy and Gift Drive


As Salaamu Aalaykum and Ramadan Mubarak!

Baitul Salaam has collected 900+ toys mashaAllah, and they need to be wrapped and shipped to low income qualifying families by these E’id 2010. We need to raise $500 to cover shipping expenses. We have until the end of August to reach our goals so the items can reach the families in time for eid.

For more information check out our post on

How can you help?

There are multiple ways
  1. Donate what you can towards shipping cost. You can donate directly via the chipin provided by Pink Anonymous (all money is sent DIRECTLY to,or by going to your paypal account and sending your donation to or mail your donation to:
    National Eid Toy and Gift Drive, c/o Baitul Salaam Network, Inc.,
    PO Box 115470,
    Atlanta, GA 30310
  2. Forward this e-mail to your friends and family
  3. Make du'a for us!
  4. Leave a comment on the drive

Renounce Allah, His Messenger AND the Quran and you can have your permit

They tested the waters first to see how much outrage or support they could get if they ban the Masjid being build NEAR ground zero by saying it was AT ground zero.  Now they moved on to what they really wanted or the crux of the matter.  Bryan Fischer from the American Family Association, a religious right heavyweight, has taken it to a new level: no more mosques in the United States, period.

WELL not PERIOD. They can have their permit
If a mosque was willing to publicly renounce the Koran and its 109 verses that call for the death of infidels, renounce Allah and his messenger Mohammed, publicly condemn Osama bin Laden, Hamas, and Abdelbaset al Megrahi (the Lockerbie bomber), maybe then they could be allowed to build their buildings. But then they wouldn't be Muslims at that point, now would they?

WAIT?! Did he just say MAYBE then they could be allowed to build their buildings? WOW. He really does know how to compromise. Now I didn't highlight the other stuff he mentions because apparently I wasn't aware that when I took my shahada I also inadvertently pledged allegiance to Osama Bin Laden, Hamas or Abdelbaset al Megrahi (no idea who he is btw). WOW. Talk about fine print.  How the heck did they get up in there? In between the "THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH" or "AND MUHAMMAD IS THE MESSENGER OF ALLAH"?  That's some linguistic gymnastics there.

See this is how it starts which is why we are commanded to stand up for justice at the first incident of injustice.
O you who believe! stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do. Qur'an 4:135
"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

and by that time no one was left to speak up."

"First they came ..." is a famous statement attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) about the inactivity of German intellectuals following the Nazi rise to power and the purging of their chosen targets, group after group.

Previous post....

Keith Olbermann was right...

August 17, 2010

I think I may have caught the eye

Went to an iftar people found out I was fasting and I was overly praised.  Now, am having some weird issues and to boot now my tooth hurts like a mother crikey. No, it doesn't make any sense? I just wanted to use the word CRIKEY in a sentence.  Shoot me.  DEAR LORD IS THE PAIN BAD! OOO EMMM GEEEE!

Funny how I was on top of the world a couple of days ago and now am in the mud.  That's life I guess.  I need some cheering up peeps.  I have a fear that I can't share right now with y'all but I think it might come true because a lot of people may want it to come true.  That way if that calamity befalls me (inshaAllah it doesn't) they can say "I told you so."  This is why you shouldn't have fasted because of X,Y and Z.  Its like they are itching to say that and I am not referring to Muslims ONLY.  The naysayers said something along those lines back in 2008 and 2009 but alhamdulillah I pulled through stronger and healthier than when I started which is why they are keeping their traps shut right now.  However, misery indeed loves company and I already started hearing crap wrapped up neatly under "naseeha".

Is it really so difficult to accept that we have limitations? I know what I am good at and I know what I suck at. I have no problem with people being successful in areas that I suck at.  It's called diversity in life. Its Allah's blessings manifested differently for different people.  DEAR LORD MY TOOTH. Over and out people. over and out. MAKE DU'A FOR ME.

May Allah swt save me from the bad du'as of others, give me complete shifaa and resolve this matter in my favor. AMEEN.

[edit] the pain is making me delirious, how many other corny tooth jokes can you make?
  1. the tooth shall set you free!
  2. the tooth the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth
  3. YOU can't handle the tooth
  4. King Kong aint got nothing on me (yeah, nothing to do with the subject matter, just wanted to sneak some Denzel in)

Thank you Keith Olbermann

Sometimes I feel that the small minority of haters get the most primetime exposure making it seem as if they are the majority.  The only time I felt discriminated because I was a Muslim came from people outside the community.  I drove, walked and prayed in Manhattan streets (no room and the prayer was about to end) with NO problems. Then organizations from Cali come over here DEMANDING things and stirring up the pot when the local community had already agreed on terms and what they wanted from this deal.  I also have no idea how these knucklehead politicians get in to power in the first place and keep it for decades. 

If it wasn't for technology am sure they would be getting away with a lot worst.  Anyway, I want to thank Keith Olbermann for his defense of us.  I think  it is a very American thing to do and I choked up when I watched the whole clip.  Because even though I know it isn't true, sometimes I do feel persecuted in my own backyard.  I also have to remind myself that this kind of stupidity I see on tv has rarely if ever been perpetrated by my neighbors, colleagues or acquaintances.  The rest of America should definitely take a page from NY and their hospitality because its REAL and not some folklore that makes a pretty concept for a movie.

August 16, 2010

Ramadan Joke

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert. One is David, the other is Michael. They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle.

David said to Michael: "Look,let's pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself "Mohammed."
Michael refused to change his name, he said:" My name is Michael, and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am Michael."

The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names .
David said: "My name is Mohammed ."
Michael said: "My name is Michael."

The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said: "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."
Then he turned to the other and said: "Well Mohammed I hope you are aware that we are still in the month of Ramadan."

August 15, 2010

Ramadan Day 3, 4 and 5

taken from

aight people. lot of catching up to do. Even though I fasted during the previous months my body still feels like its trying to adjust to the continuous fasts. Alhamdulillah I am doing A LOT better than I did in the previous fasts but nonetheless its not a walk in the park. I am VERY, VERY, VERY happy that I am indeed allowed to fasts because I am greedy for rewards (remember Hasanah Chasers?) and I loved doing acts of ibadah as they bring me closer to Allah swt and they give me peace and harmony in my heart.  Kinda like a toddler struggling to crawl to his mother's arms and then being rewarded by the warm and loving embraced of his mother.  yeah thats me.  LA ILAHA ILA ALLAH!

Day 3 was HARD AS HECK because I ate vegetables for suhoor and they are easily digested by your body so I was hungrier earlier in the day. NOT COOL.  Day 4 I had a pain in my right kidney and it was because  of not drinking enough fluids the day before and my son still nursing.  I fixed that in today's fast (day 5) by eating more than just vegetables and fruits as well as drinking liquids periodically and it worked!  I also started eating at 2 AM and continued to eat or drink liquids until 4:42 AM. Alhamdulillah no kidney pain or feeling hunger pangs early in the day. Since I pray taraweeh at home I keep a cup of juice (home made melon juice and chicha morada, more about that later) so I finish two rakahs and I take a couple of sips, write down the number of rakahs and move on.

This way I get a lot more fluids in my system than I would just sitting and forcing myself to drink it.  It rarely works instead I get stomach pains.  SubhanaAllah I drank 2 GINORMOUS cups of melon juice simply by sipping while I pray and no pain!  See, you have to see what works for you and go for it, this way your Ramadan is more enjoyable. inshaAllah.

oh, and I cried last night right before iftar because of a misunderstanding and because I am empathizing with people a little too much where I am crying and taking on their emotions and beefs.  NOT COOL. I can't take their pain away, can't change their situation so there is no reason why I should be torturing myself like that but I can make du'a for them.

Today (day 5) I was invited to iftar at a friends house and had LOTS of fun mashaAllah. I brought one of my best friends from childhood and she loved the sisters and the sisterhood we all shared.  She even asked for a couple of starter Islam books.  Kinda sucks that I am a lazy dawah person and I am not actively engaging her (its not my thing) and it has a lot to do with my background. I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING PROSELYTIZED TO even by Muslims. I am sorry I can't stand it. Its like nails to chalkboard while you water-board me and electrocute my nips. That bad.

She is the same so instead I just give dawah by my actions, behavior and I do answer any questions she does have about Islam and Muslims.  I wont initiate it but I wont turn her away either.  I hope that is the right approach.  If she does choose Islam I want it to be because she wants to and not because I was relentless.  Either way I hope Allah swt guides her and her family to the truth. Ameen.

How are all you doing with your fasting?

August 13, 2010

Ramadan Day 2

As Salaamu Aalaykum!
the grumpy who-will-not-be-named was in an upset mood and nearly made me lose my temper yesterday.  ALhamdulillah I was unable to fight back because apparently fasting makes me mellow. Go figure.  It spikes some people's anger and it quells mine.  I had a lot of time to reflect on where my life has lead me to, a couple of years ago the mere thought of religion or marriage made me sick to my belly, now apparently can't get enough of it.

I am also grateful that I am able to fast in my condition in the comfort of my home (technically my in laws) and receiving plenty of help with my toddler. DEAR LORD do they grow up fast! I mean he is just shooting up and leaving me with the nostalgia of when he was a bean, then a squash, finally a baby and then toddlerhood.  I mean its awesome seeing him grow and discover new things but, but, but, my baby is growing up.  He no longer a burrito (the kind you eat not the donkey) with the receiving blankets. He is a big boy now so he is demanding to be treated like one.  *tears*

SubhanaAllah every day he tests me by trying to impose his tiny will on me and assert his independence which is both cute and annoying.  

I am writing this while its my 3rd day of Ramadan so sorry for the lack of detail.

btw how many hours are you guys fasting? currently I am fasting for about 16 hrs.  You guys?

August 11, 2010

Ramadan Day 1

As Salaamu Aalaykum beautiful UMMAH!

Today was my community's first day of Ramadan. WOHOOO! MashaAllah. I love Ramadan. I love it, relish it, anxiously waiting for it and its HERE. OMGEE!  I had iftar about 2 hrs ago and its tarawih time.  I won't be making it to the masjid because of my little guy but either way I don't do well in the 3hr taraweeh sessions.  May Allah swt reward all the bros and sisters who complete it but it is too much for me so I do it at home. 

I have news to share but every time I do something goes funky so I will just wait until the middle of Ramadan or near the end.  I am scared of getting the eye if you know what I mean.  I am in an EXCELLENT mood Alhamdulillah, I am greateful and pleased with Allah swt as my lord, Muhammad (saw) as my prophet and Islam as my religion.


August 6, 2010

my FIL is the best!

mashaAllah.  Alhamdulillah!

Last week I shared with my FIL that I wanted to get the whole tafseer by Ibn Kathir and he got it for me last night!  You guys have no idea how excited I am about that. I definitely could not afford it and I was hunting down for markdowns, sales and even used ones from fam and friends but nothing.  SubhanAllah.  I wanted to get it before Ramadan so I can start reading it and continue to do so throughout the month and I thought it wasn't going to happen but it did!


July 25, 2010

I love New Yorkers

I liked my friends response (because I agree with it) and am reposting.
"I love the answers of this people! Of course i love it! How great NY! I find people outside NY more close mind about 9-11 than in NY. I really think NY people are putting Islam and 9-11 as two different things. After all Islam has nothing to do with 9-11. Like the guy said when Oklahoma happened no one blamed Christianity while it was done by a Christian"

July 24, 2010

So...I love you guys

I was browsing some of my previous posts about sisterhood and realized they are pretty negative. oops.  I am usually ranting and raving about some small group flustering my feathers when in reality I have met more nice and cordial sisters than I have the mean spirited ones.   Its not fair to all you amazing ladies who have commented on my blog or whose blogs I follow.  JazakaAllah Khayran for extending your friendship to me you gals are awesome.

July 22, 2010

Help a sister out!

Sakeenah from Hijab Style Guide started a chip in for Aalia. I think most of you already know the difficulties she is going through right now and we would like to help her out. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Keep her in your du'as.  You never know when it is someone that you care about that may be facing a similar trial.  May Allah swt put her affairs in order, give her peace in her heart, heal her from all the trauma she has endured (still enduring), reunite her with her child and give her the highest jannah. ameen.
as salam alaikum,
as some of you may know Aalia from chasing jannah is in a VERY difficult situation right now, please take some time to read her blog so you are up to date what whats happening and why i am doing this. I feel compelled to help her its all i have thought of since i read what was happening, if it was me separated from my child i would hope that people would come to help me.
With Ramadan just around the corner this is a perfect opportunity to not only increase your reward but also help a sister in need.
I have placed a chip-in widget on the right side of the screen you can donate as little or as much as you like, ALL funds will be given to Aalia to spend towards a plane ticket and whatever else she may need (legal fees, food, accommodation....etc)

July 20, 2010

Oh Dear Lord Help ME!!

I did somethign stupid.  I wanted to help a friend of mine so I volunteered to watch her little sister for this week from 8am until 5:30-6PM. WORST DECISION EVER. OMG. AM DYING!

She is not a difficult child (she is 10) but I haven't been feeling well and yesterday I started to see sparkly black balls and then multicolor circles and I felt like I was about to hit the pavement.  When I am at home, my in laws help me with my son so I can take naps during the day.  I feel bad doing that at her house seeing as am supposed to be taking care of her little sister, so am suffering.  

I volunteered for the sake of Allah swt and because my friend really needed it.  I really should have considered my health and the fact that I will be taking care of a VERY VERY VERY active toddler ALL by myself ALL day.  Its too late now I can't back down and although I want to, that would be completely irresponsible.  My friend did not have anyone to take care of her sister once her family back out, her mom is still in Latin America cleared of all drug charges, ALHAMDULILLAH! some jerk bag tried to use her as a drug mule and sneaked a package for his "grandma" when she visited her country and she has spent the last 2 years in a South American prison.  She is now in the final stages trying to get her residency status cleared.

The little girl felt bad because she kept being passed around the family like hot potatoes and no one wanted to take responsibility. So I volunteered after an older sister said she wouldn't do it anymore and my friend had no way of finding a child sitter on Sunday (when she found out).  

BTW. I HATE THAT HOUSE! hate it! hate it! hate it!

I don't know what the heck is going on in there (I go to her house because I didn't want to bring her to my in laws).  Yesterday was my first day there and I left with the deepest depression I have experienced in recent memory.  Its quite suffocating and creepy.  I dread going.

Also my litttle dude refuses to go up the stairs to their house and I think its because there is this statue of an old man made out of wood bigger than my toddler. He refuses to walk through that hallway without being carried.  Once he is pass this area he is ok, giggly and active.

Creepy old house.  4 more days people. 4 more days and hopefully that buys her enough time to find someone else to take care of her sister.  Make du'a for me as I start the second day with only 3-4 hrs of sleep.  NOOOO!!!