September 30, 2009

I want a tent

This is what we currently sleep on but in a queen/king size. It SUPER comfortable. At the moment though the wooden frame that converts to a sofa is in storage so we are sleeping on that small mattress on the floor.
We had a huge even more comfortable fluffy bed but we gave it up seeing that we co sleep with our little dude and he decides to wander once he wakes up. He fell a couple of times from our other bed so we decided to use this instead. NOW, I rearranged my furniture a couple of days back and moved the bed to the only place it fits without interfering with all the other stuff. However, there is a not so pleasant draft coming through the windows. My son has had 100-103 (Fahrenheit) fever these last two days and we can't risk him getting sicker. At the moment I made a makeshift tent similar to the one on the right but with no sand. Little dude thinks its awesome. Hubs hasn't seen it yet and I hope he doesn't rain on our parade. *(inshaAllah)*

I wanted to ask hubs if we could get a REAL tent to sleep in. It would totally be AWESOME! I need to prepare my sales pitch because I think my little dude and I would enjoy it. A LOT. Maybe me more than the little dude.

This is the bedroom set I want :)
watcha guys think?

September 26, 2009

NOW I find them

first things first. ALHAMDULILLAH I have a monitor again even if it is monolithic and looks like the image to the right. ALHAMDULILLAH! I hated asking people to borrow their computers just so that I could feed my guilty pleasure aka The Jacaranda Secret. On to the post. ALL throughout Ramadan I kept looking for this word doc that I keep my duas in and now I am sharing them with you. Most of the duas I hear in speeches I copy them and put them in this doc. They are not in any particular order. I also keep on the same document a separate pages for duas for my husband, son, mom, bros, inlaws and friends. It was all in an effort to be as organized and methodical as possible so as to not forget anyone or anything. I started in preparation for hajj but we could never afford it and later it became for layaltul qadr. I haven't added anything recently and the ones below are just for me.

  1. To gain the pleasure of Allah (SWT)

  2. Forgiveness for ALL my sins, the ones committed publicly, privately, and the ones I don’t even know about.

  3. For my last deeds to be my best deeds

  4. for my best day to be the day I meet Allah (swt)

  5. To be spared the punishment of the fire

  6. To be spared the punishment in the grave

  7. To be granted Jannah without reckoning

  8. To increase in my Taqwa

  9. For all my prayers to be accepted

  10. To perfect my wudu

  11. To perfect my Salat

  12. Perfect my concentration in prayer

  13. To die as a practicing proper Muslim.

  14. Learn, speak, write, and understand Arabic

  15. Become an Aalim

  16. To gain as much Islamic knowledge as possible and to be able to practice it according to the Qur’an and Sunnah

  17. Be able to memorize ALL possible hadiths

  18. Memorize and understand the Qur’an

  19. To gain the pleasure of my husband

  20. To be an excellent wife

  21. To be an excellent mother

  22. To be a guiding light for people to enter Islam

  23. For protection against shaytan

  24. Protection against the enemies of the Muslims.

  25. Protection for my husband and family

  26. To be happy with what Allah (SWT) gives me

  27. To be happy with what my husband can provide for me

  28. To be reunited with my husband in Jannah

  29. I want to have love for the Masjid in my heart

  30. Pious upright progeny who will live and die as proper Muslims.

  31. To be steadfast in my Qiyam

  32. To be able to gain the reward for every Night of Power till I die

  33. To be able to gain as much rewards as it is humanly possible

  34. To have a pure heart, to make my actions for the sake of Allah (SWT) only

  35. To have perfect tajweed

  36. To excel in Arabic grammar.

  37. To be among the 70,000 who will enter Jannah without reckoning

  38. To drink from the pool of the Prophet (saw)

  39. To be among those who will drink from the hands of the Prophet (saw) on the day of judgment

  40. To live according to La Ilaha illa Allah

  41. To be granted Light and Speed to cross the Seerat on the Day of Judgement

  42. Easy HEALTHY pregnancy with NO complications.

  43. An EASY painless delivery without drugs NATURAL delivery

  44. Ya Allah I can’t make duah like the people around me please give me everything that they are asking for if it is best for me.

I also ask that Allah swt bless me with the good that the Prophet (saw) asked for and to be saved from all the evil that the Prophet (saw) asked to be spared from. AMEEEEENNN!

September 23, 2009


My computer monitor just died on me. It made hissing sounds and then it was dead. Just like that. NO good byes. NO heartfelt farewells. NONE. It just died. :( It is truly a sad day as I can't really replace it at the moment and can't access my computer files. *Tear* for my fallen friend. I now have to fight with the hubby to use his. SUCKOMUNDO!

Every day I wake up
I hope am dreaming
I cant believe this happened
Cant believe you aint here
Its like I feel empty inside without you being here
I would do anything man, to bring you back
I saw your CPU today
It looked soo lonely and sad
You was the greatest
Youll always be the greatest flat-screen-monitor-I-ever-had-(first too)
I miss you my dell monitor
Cant wait til that day, when I see your screen again
I cant wait til that day, when I see your screen again...


September 22, 2009

Guess what I am doing today??

Ramadan MAKE up session. oh yeah!! am pumped! am ready!! BRING IT ON!! Ate my suhoor not to long ago and I will start making my fast. I was going to wait until the winter when the days are shorter but then I realized that I may not be alive then. ALSO I gave up on procrastination a couple of days ago...will keep you posted on how that goes.

Everyone else in the house is THANKFULLY fasting their days of shawal so I am not doing it alone. alhamdulillah.

WHOS WITH ME? DO NOT and I mean DO NOT deflate my enthusiasm. I will cyber cut you! That being said as salaamu aalaykum!

September 20, 2009

PLEASE help women of domestic abuse!

This cause is dear and near to my heart. Please help Baitul Salaam! All they need is a van to be able to move food, furniture donations. If 500 people donate $10 they would have their van. PLEASE!

Baitul Salaam network, Inc.
Direct Link:
Cause: Needy women/children
Specific Need: $5000.00 for a van/truck
Qualify for Zakah? Not for van, but yes for needy women/children. So, if you are sending Zakah, mention that in your donation.

Read more:


The Baitul Salaam Network, Inc. a 12 year old domestic violence awareness organization is fund raising to continue and expand our work. We have assisted 618 women and children who were temporarily homeless due to some form of abuse (physical, emotional and/or economic). We have been able with the support of approximately 300 active supporters to answer 9,000+ calls for assistance yearly, make referrals for medical, legal, professional counseling, provide diversity training for organizations such as the Salvation Army, masjid/Islamic centers (most recent the Islamic Center of August, GA) and network to have an impact on legislation on all levels through following organizations: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, GA Coalition Against Domestic Violence, local domestic violence task forces and Masjid Al Bayyinah who host the only Islamic managed Food Pantry in the metro Atlanta.

We need your help to achieve our goals.

You can send your donations using to Or send by mail to: Baitul Salaam Network, Inc., PO Box 115470, Atlanta, GA 30310.

Baitul Salaam and Masjid Al Bayyinah are working together as partners on the Food Pantry project and the van/truck will be used to also expand the recycling program and to pick up food donations from local Food Banks, grocery stores and other organizations. The van/truck will also be used to pick up furniture and appliance donations to the Baitul Salaam Network, Inc. and Masjid Al Bayyinah.

Eid summary and a Blast from my past

Eid was today for us ALHAMDULILLAH! so we went to celebrate with a huge congregation of Muslims in our area it was wonderful. There were minor issues like sisters wearing tight maxi dresses with even tighter shirts underneath the dresses and brothers refusing to park in the parking area across the street from the park and instead parking on the side of the road making a two laner even tighter. Whats up with that? there was a HUGE parking garage across the park for FREE (and despite the large mass of people you could still fit 3X more cars) instead the cops had to come and order people to move. It was embarrassing. Do people not realize that it sends a horrible message about Muslims?

Anyway I saw some friends of mine and we started chatting up and I noticed a brother hovering our area and I am thinking, that dude looks familiar, where do I know him from? So I realized I have seen this guy on more than one occasion in multiple places and every time we see him my husband and I are like,

Me: Do you know that brother? he looks familiar?
Hub: Nope. But he does look familiar. Where do we know him from?

We were once at a store (Islamic) and that guy was the cashier and the hub and I once again asked each other after we were in our car.

Me: Do you know that brother? he looks familiar?
Hub: Nope. But he does look familiar. Where do we know him from?
Me: NO idea. Plus we are in another state right now we probably don't know him.

Another time we were coming out of a friend's get together and we somehow spotted him and the hub and I looked at each other and asked

Hub: Do you know that brother? he looks familiar?
Me: Nope. But he does look familiar. Where do we know him from?

I AM SERIOUS. We see him EVERYWHERE and its like we suffer from amnesia or something that we can't remember who he is or where we have seen him before. We ALWAYS end up asking each other those same questions. So today I saw that brother and I once again was asking myself, where have I seen this brother? My hub wasn't with me as I was with the sisters but I found out later he was thinking the same thing. So I ask one of the sisters sitting nearby who the brother was and she said, oh him? He is [Brother A]. HOLY SHEEP! Yup. The same brother I interviewed for marriage, you can read about it here. HOLY SHEEP!

That TOTALLY explains why he was friendlier to other customers and whenever it was our turn he was expressionless, his answers were short and avoided every possible small talk attempts from us. HOW could I not remember him? Well for starters he was cleanly dress, his beard was neat and his hair groomed. Here I was thinking I was so perceptive and totally missed this one. So my friend continues..

My friend: You see that sister there?
Me: Yeah?
My friend: That's his wife.
My friend: why-OHHH! (look of understanding spreading across her face) He is brother A? no way!
Me: YES! (as we both start laughing our heads off)
My friend: HE IS THE BROTHER? I totally forgot. SHHH! He'll here us! stop it! SHHH! He'll here us!

Isn't it a wonder what a woman could do for a man? The brother was unrecognizable and happy and all of that with only a couple of months of being married. MashAllah. May Allah swt protect his marriage and increase their love for each other. AMEEN.

So it's time for us to leave and I run over to the hub to spill my beans and he already knows the answer as he was trying to solve our mystery. So we are driving away to go to another Eid celebration...cuz thats how we roll and the major road that goes directly to where we need to go is closed off. Long detours and when we finally get to the place I kick myself in the rear for not bringing a camera and biz cards. The sisters MASHALLAH were so stylish and FULLY covered! STUNNING! All of them were just stunning. MAshaAllah from the youngest sister (couple of months) to the oldest sister mashaAllah.

Maxi dresses GALORE all kinds of colors, jackets and tunics. I mean I spent most of my time just starting at them. The niqabis were gorgeous and stylish too. One sister had a custom maxi dress done for her and she looked beautiful and then her 3 year old shows up wearing a tiny version of the dress. A mommy and me moment. SOO CUTE! WHY? o WHY did I not bring a camera?

One sister had a nice abaya/jilbab on so I ran to her and after saying my salams and EID MUBARAK! I ask her where she got the Abaya done and she is like, "My cowife made it for me, am on my way to pick her up." My jaw dropped and I was amazed. MashAllah. All I know about polygyny is what I read about on the blogs and they seem very unhappy and bickering all the time. MashAllah. Today was AWESOME. TOTALLY AWESOME. I met so many new sisters, I saw hijabs from all over the world. I met some of the most stylish sisters EVER! Alhamdulillah. One sister in particular was wearing a tight black hijab similar to the one below with a fedora (Al Capone style) and some sunglasses and subhanAllah she just looked so good in it. She even had a swagger to go with it. MashAllah. Alhamdulillah for today it was awesome.

September 18, 2009

Procrastination NO MORE!

I stupidly procrastinated calling my mom until 8 days after she called and I feel like the biggest idiot in the world. If you follow my blog you know the tortured relationship my mom and I have and lately she had been abusive over the phone so I naturally avoided her calls.

So I am talking to her awkwardly tonight trying to get her to vent and she drops a BOMB, make that three. Apparently my younger brother attempted to kill himself the other day by crashing his car and completely totaling it (it was uninsured and my brother is also medically uninsured). Alhamdulillah he is doing fine but my mom doesn't know what to do with him. My other brother (5 years younger than me) ignores both my mom and my youngest brother and is doing nothing to contribute to the fam.

My mom is struggling with finances and just divorced her husband. She said she didn't see the point in living, is behind on her rent, her life has not been what she expected (it's been a very sad, grief striken life) and was going to end it the other day. She was calling me for help. To say I feel like manure is an understatement.

I can't help her, both my husband and I are unemployed living with my inlaws. I am trying to launch my biz so I can provide for her but at the moment I have zilch, nada. Please keep us in your duas. please.

September 17, 2009

Cash in on some last minute Ramdan deeds! (inshaAllah)

Our Mission
Help eliminate the climate of fear and ignorance that makes family violence possible

Our Vision
A world where violence is not used to solve problems and parties to relationships are not required to sacrifice integrity and well-being as a condition of participation.

These sisters and brothers in GA needs carry 1200 lbls of food items
for needy people. So, how about buying them a truck this Eid?

Baabun Nasr Inc.
Direct Link:
Cause: Skill development
Specific Need: $2,500 for upgrading our Sister’s computer lab, which help families to move towards self-sufficiency by providing computers for employment searches, housing and utility assistance programs, resume writing, literacy programs on-line and much more! We have four computers donated from Temple University. (Update: They got 10 used computers donated by a local business, Alhamduillah)

$500 for winter gas bill. Last year, Baabun Nasr staff worked through the winter without heat because the cost to connect the gas was $500.00. This year with Allah’s aid we would like get the gas turned on.

Qualify for Zakah? Not for computer lab/bills, but yes for needy Muslims. So, if you are sending Zakah, mention that in your donation.

Read more:


September 16, 2009

Urban Native

This is a repost from Hijabswappers. I remember attending an Al Maghrib seminar in NYU and the New York sisters looked stunning! MashAllah. What stuck out the most where sisters in abaya wearing them with timberland boots and taking the subway.

September 12, 2009

Ramadan Day 22

**IF you are a dude you probably don't want to continue reading, unless you are interested in the 'female condition'**

I decided today to do some major remodeling in our room and I moved all the furniture from one side of the room to the other and make more room for a crib. I still co sleep with my little dude but in the mornings when I want to sleep in late he wanders all over my room and swallows things. NO matter how much we vacuum or clean he will find something we missed and eat it. SOOOOOO we got a crib and I will use that in the mornings to contain him. I did this all by myself as hubster was away.

Life was groovy until 30 minutes before iftar I realize I hadn't prayed Asr and ran to the wudu and discovered aunt flow had arrived and broken my fast. WTH!! AHHHH!! OH WHYYY???? I was only short by 30 minutes!! by that point I had already fasted almost 14 HOURS! Now I have to make it up. I am upset right now. I hope that by me ranting I don't diminish my reward but AHHH! you would be upset too. I didn't eat anything and waited to eat at iftar time with everyone else. So upset right now. I need someone to cheer me up. Last 10 nights too :( Its early by 4 days too. I wonder what that is about.

I am still not done cleaning the stupid room and honestly before I started it looked like it had been ransacked but no, it was just us being lazy and messy. I was cleaning for 4hrs straight and I still have a lot of work to do tomorrow. argh!

September 10, 2009

Pork and beef DNA in your Halal chicken

WTH!!!?? Why would they do that? That is just wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. I was sitting here thinking that it doesn't affect me as I get my chicken from this Muslim butcher and he doesn't do that kind of stuff. However, the issue is not with them but with the restaurants who get their halal meat from wholesale vendors. HOLY SHEEP! NO more take out for me I guess.

Is it so hard to just label things correctly? What else do they get away with?

September 8, 2009

The last 10 nights might begin today

Since an Islamic month can have 29 or 30 days and since our days begin after sunset...technically today might be one of the last 10 nights! In my area it is September 8th 2009 aka 18th of Ramadan 1430. Since it is already Isha time in the North East of the USA Ramadan 19th has started for me. I know lay latul qadr (night of power) supposedly falls on the 27th of Ramadan, but what if it doesn't? Why not ask every night for the last 10 nights to make sure you catch it?

So if this Ramadan only has 29 days the last 10 nights begin today. IF it has 30 then they start tomorrow inshaAllah...allahuaalem.

WTH? If you are X-rated don't follow me...PLEASE!

ok so I am working on two of my biz and in the twitter account of each biz I have to block people. Reason? They are pornographic and gross. I don't know for how long one in particular followed me to be honest but their x-rated topics and links to x-rated material made it unsuitable for both biz in particular my hijabswappers. Why do they do that? Why would they follow a biz about women who wear hijab?

You know I really really really hope they weren't Muslim.

May Allah swt guide them to the truth and help them to distance themselves from such practices and trials. ameen


I am a fan of Dominick Dunne and of his show Power Privileged and Justice. I was listening to one of my favorite radio show Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me via podcast and they mentioned his passing. I felt for him and his passion to bring his daughter's murderer to justice. My condolence for his family. I haven't been watching tv (on the tv and not the computer) and the channel I usually watched was courttv so I had no idea.

Dominick Dunne

Dominick John Dunne (October 29, 1925 - August 26, 2009) was an American writer and investigative journalist whose subjects frequently hinged on the ways high society interacts with the judicial system. He was a producer in Hollywood and was also known for his frequent appearances on television. He was the brother of author John Gregory Dunne; the writer Joan Didion was his sister-in-law. He was the father of Alexander Dunne, and of the actors Griffin Dunne and Dominique Dunne as well as two daughters who died in infancy.

Is anyone doing I'tikaaf?

I got this in my email today and wanted to share. Also is anyone going to attempt and inshaAllah complete I'tikaaf? I have tried doing something similar before but in my house but I doubt it will be possible with a little dude running around.

I wonder if any sister has ever completed it at the masjid? How where the logistics? If anyone does it can you share your experience with us afterward? It would be TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

Here's a quick I'tikaaf overview
I'tikaaf is to seclude oneself in the Masjid for the purpose of worshipping Allah. Rasul Allah, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, did it in Ramadan for the last 10 nights. Here are 5 quick tips:

1. I'tikaaf is, by definition, to be performed in the Masjid.
2. Leaving the Masjid breaks one's I'tikaaf.
3. Don't talk/entertain yourself. I'tikaaf is meant for worship.
4. You can do I'tikaaf for any period of time, any time of the day.
5. In a year, when else will you dedicate time for Allah like this? Try it. Bonus: If you can't do it everyday, try weekends or at least some days. With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef

September 6, 2009

How do they do it?

If the moon is out for an extended period how do they know when to even begin fasting? If the sun is out 24hr for months how do they know when to end their fast? How do they determine when to pray their prayers?

This applies to anyone who lives in an area like Alaska or the North Pole.

September 5, 2009

My Shrink: Super Nanny

who would have thunk you could actually learn something about yourself while watching tv? So here I was suffering through my fast because I couldn't sleep after fajr :( so I have been fasting longer than normal (3 hours and some change before iftar...been awake for 11hrs). I go on to watch some tv online, I know bad, but I needed a distraction and you can watch tv from your computer. Back to the story, remember I made a post about wanting more kids whether they be biological or adopted? You can read about it here.

yeah. So I was watching Super Nanny and this woman had 10 children and she is hell bent on getting her dream of 12 kids. In the mean time her husband has developed a severe drinking problem and her older kids are basically parenting themselves and their siblings. Her children are angry at her, she has no trusting relationship with her daughters and the oldest boy (15yrs old) has already had a panic attack and wants to run away (when you have a panic attack you feel like you are DYING, it's no joke). When Super Nanny confronts her about family planning the lady doesn't want to hear it even though her husband is saying ENOUGH ALREADY !

Anyway some kid gets hurt and the mother goes off on the other kids for not taking care of the injured child. I actually lived through that and was forced to raise my brothers plus emotional and physical abuse so I sympathize with the children and then Super Nanny drops me a gem. The mother wants a lot of kids to make up for the pain of her own childhood because she didn't have a mother. Super nanny tells her that she should work to give her children in particular the girls, what she didn't have growing up so that they don't go looking for it in the wrong places or by thinking they could get it by popping kids. CRAPIOLA.

. I DON'T.
Ya Allah save me from those trials AMEEN!

When she was asked why she wanted so many kids she could only say 1) it was a dream of mine and 2) I love kids. CRAP. Took the words right out of my mouth. This episode made me ask myself WHY do I want kids? Am I trying to have a fulfilling life by bringing more life in to this world? Who is going to raise them? me and the hubby or my other children? Is that even fair? No, it isn't. So if I do want a lot of children shouldn't I have a game plan? Like organizations, structure, discipline? What if I die, do I have a will set up so that they are taken care off?

I know things change and we have to adjust to it but like a business plan a family plan should be in effect. Kinda like a road map that can be amended as the situation calls for but is better than just winging it. Forming one also forces the mother and father to face issues before they become emotionally engross in it like discipline. This way they are both on the same page.

Prior to this episode I had read two of CoolRed's post and it made me think about the logistics and reality of having a large family for those interested you can read Part 1 and Part 2. Coolred makes an excellent point, with children come responsibility learn basic first aid like infant CPR. So now I want to know if you live in the states where can you learn infant CPR? I need to learn to keep my son safe and if I am blessed with more children whether biological or adopted then I could at least have a shot at being a decent parent.

If anyone is interested in the super nanny episode I can embed it for you...I originally placed it but I thought it was bad of me to encourage it.

September 4, 2009

oh no! what have I done????

I screwed up BIG. I cut my little dude's hair...I gave him an army cut. :( His beautiful locks are GONE! NOOOOO!

What's worst, I don't have a camera. :*( NOOO!! He had this beautiful mane that I used to style in to Mohawks when he was as sleep or spike it all up to resemble the little rascal in the middle.

All he needed was a shape up but my father in law just chopped it off. My eyes widened in horror but alas it was too late. I was left to finish the job and frankly I feel like I lost a piece of myself.

Hubster doesn't know either so I guess when he comes home today he will be shocked. Hopefully not too upset. CRAPIOLA!

September 3, 2009

I just got my very own longi/izar/skirt thingy

I LOVE men in longi/izar/skirt thingy. I have been stealing my FIL and hubster's (sometimes my BIL's too) since I was pregnant. It was so comfortable and then I just started rocking it in my in laws house with an extra long hijab (just to make my MIL laugh). Every time I do it my MIL just dies laughing and telling me I remind her of the village women back in her country.

My FIL would frown and laugh at the same time but I was warned not to touch his favorite longi. Which incidentally was MY favorite longi too. Anyway after much heartache today he presented me with my very own longi (in lilac!) in the hopes, I guess, that I leave his stash alone. FINE.

I LOVE mine. It is so cute and lilacly (in my vocab lilacly is a word). So my lazy longi days are back and I don't have to steal them any more. Yay!

Ramadan Day 13

I memorized another verse today! Alhamdulillah! I got 9 down 74 more verses to go! I can't wait until I can actually recite surah Yasin without having to hum along to it. ;D

I broke my fast not too long ago and my mother in law made FIRNI! O God. I LOVE firni. For those not in the know it is simply rice with milk and coconuts, except my mother in law adds some more fruits and it is absolutely DIVINE! The image honestly doesn't do it justice.

I am more or less a nice person, I share, I love people, I love making dua for people, I give in sadaqa randomly through out the year, I fast, I pray extra prayers, I am even a peaceful person. That all changes with Firni. I want it all to myself no matter how large the batch she made. The not so nice part of me comes out and my flaws are all out there without any shame from my part. I become so stingy with it and I don't want to share PERIOD. I need to work on that as it is rather embarrassing. I have many flaws but this firni loving one is the most noticeable. I once told my husband how upset I was my MIL had made firni and then gave other people almost 3/4ths of the pot. He shared with my MIL and they all made fun of me for being so childish and I was just mortified that hubster would share that with her. Because not only was I being stingy but whiny too. GOD I LOVE FIRNI. I can't help it, the four year old in me who doesn't like to share comes out and embarrasses me. Gotta go get me some more firni because God forbid if someone beats me to it..

I gave up music

I gave up music A LONG time ago and it is still my fitnah. I grew up listening to all kinds of music because of my mom. I know of songs that are so old they are part of a time when history was an oral tradition. Every Spanish speaking country has its genre and not only would I know about it I would even know their current hit songs, last years hit song I even knew some of their oldies. I live in a primarily Hispanic area (sprinkled with others) and every time someone blasts their radio I know that song and lyrics and how to dance to it. I try doing dhikr but it is so hard. Like right now I am typing this post and some car just passed by blasting a classic salsa song and I was jamming to it and the words to the song just spilled out. I try to remind myself that not only am I fasting but I am also trying to memorize and need to clear out disk space in my head.

*sigh* In jannah (inshaAllah) I will get down with my bad self. For now, I must strive to get to jannah.

Ps. My mom would go through stages like one month she would jam to only Rancheras (Mexican) and the next month it would be Bachata. Whenever my mom replayed a song more than twice we knew it was directed at somebody in the vicinity so we would pay attention to see who it fits. I MISS IT!! Well not the feeling sick to my stomach because one of us is in trouble but the jams.

September 2, 2009

Ramadan Day 12

I technically missed suhoor today because the hubby didn't wake me up although some how he got me to chew one bite and drink a gulp of juice. I don't remember it too clearly but I have been burping all day remnants of that bite. eww. Despite that my hunger is just beginning to show up with 3 hours and some change before iftar time. I guess there was barakat in it because even when I follow my food regiment I still get hungry with 6+ hrs to go until iftar time. Alhamdulillah.

Little dude is just cruising through his first Ramadan he know can power crawl and apparently is dying to go in to dark areas and bathrooms. What's up with that? He does this fake outs when he makes me believe he is going in one direction and then suddenly changes and uses a spurt of energy to get to where he needs to go. It's upsetting because a 10 month old is kicking my butt. I can only imagine him in a couple of years...I may have early gray hair.

I also memorized ONE ayat today as little dude wouldn't give me time to myself. Alhamdulillah. I hadn't memorized in a while. I LOVE sura Yaseen, it makes my heart skip a beat, goosebumps and daydreams all in one. My favorite reciter for sura Yaseen is Ibrahim al-Jibreen (I thought he was Muhammad Al-Jibreen but apparently I was wrong). So far I have memorized 8 verses of yaseen. I can't wait to finally be able to recite it in full! Please make dua that I am able to memorize and understand it. ameen

Surah Yasin (recitation by Ibrahim al-Jibreen) @ Yahoo! Video

Isn't it just absolutely

B E A U T I F U L?

The LoLcat has spoken

man. it gets me EVERY time. That's how I looked yesterday. I found it today and I felt instantly better. Thank GOD for lolcats

September 1, 2009

Him and his Logic. Leave me to my emotions dang nagit!

I was talking to my husband about person so and so is SUCH a nice and good person and this crap is happening to them. He responded, "Does bad things happen to good people? OR BECAUSE this happened they grow and become good people?" I don't know. Darn it. Him and his logic (mashaAllah) messing up a purely emotional moment.

I took it personal for some reason and I had a moment of insanity. You know when you try to reconcile the horrors of your past with the statement people like to throw around like, "things happen for a reason" or "everything that happens to a believer is good for them." That is a nice slogan for a post card or a bumper sticker but when you are dealing with deep emotional issues it is more like a slap in the face. I know people for the most part are well meaning and they don't mean to offend but if you are having a weak iman day it can shake you to the core. Like really? So children being raped and abused happens for a reason? What reason may that be? It was what was best for them? How so?

See how it backfires? Even if you can defend such an argument it is pointless as the person should have been reminded of Allah swt, the rewards of patience and the promise of the hereafter. At least it is uplifting. You and I DON'T know why things happen and dwelling on it distracts from the real issues and we digress to other things that bring no benefit to either party.

I am having issues

I just spent almost 2 hours with my FIL and May Allah swt grant him jannatul firdous. ameen. I am having issues at the moment and he comes out of nowhere with just the right words to get me focused again. My memories as a child are coming back and I am having a difficult time dealing with them.

I just want to roll up in to a ball and cry it out but I can't as my little dude needs me and my husband is away again. My little dude (10 months old) is also having some problems as well. Last Friday I accepted an iftar invitation (from a family member of his). My husband had him while I ate and little man fall asleep and my husband put him in an empty, dark bedroom with the door closed. Well ,there were so many people that my husband didn't realize that my baby boy had woken up and was screaming his lungs out because he didn't recognize the place and because he was scared. One of his family members found him screaming and brought him to me. It took a while to calm him down as he kept shaking and I thought it was over but I was wrong.

He is VERY clingy all of a sudden, he is having separation anxiety even when I am leaving him with the people he loves like my FIL, MIL and SIL. It's not that I am leaving the house, I am in the bathroom or somewhere else he freaks out when I am out of his line of sight. He is also jumpy and every little noise frightens him. I don't know what happened to him and I don't know for how long he was crying for. I am angry with my husband for leaving him alone but I understand why it took such a long time to get back to him. Hubster says he was checking on him every 5-10 minutes.

I want to cry so badly to unleash some of my pent up emotions but I can't . If I cry like I want to my little guy reflects my turmoil and it just heightens his anxiety. I need to go to the bathroom and take a long shower when my MIL takes care of him because I need to unleash. I have some dark memories I want to unload but they are so graphic I am going to do it on my private blog as I am not sure anymore if it is even beneficial for people to read it or if I am ready to let them out yet.

Make duah for me. This Ramadan I am discovering more of myself that I had blocked as a child and it is becoming difficult for me.