December 23, 2009

The Stupidest Thing I Have Ever Done

In the name of Allah, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Peace be with you السلام عليكم
When I wrote about my marriage interviews I promised I would write this post and here it is...

I was 16 years old my mom, (new) step dad and my brothers had gone to a movie theater about 6 blocks from the factory and 40 blocks from the house. I don't remember what we watched that night to be honest with you because the real show started as soon as the movie was over and we were walking to our car. My stepdad (not my bros dad but her new husband) said something nice to me and for some reason my mom blew a casket calling me a whore among other things. Maybe it was because it was midnight and I had already endured 8 hours of working in her factory in addition to going to school and non stop verbal attacks for the day so I snapped.

I didn't curse at her or anything I just made an abrupt right at the light and kept on walking. I was SO furious and my mom was shocked waiting for the light with my brothers screaming her head off about disowning me if I kept walking and that I wasn't welcomed back home. I was so furious I kept on walking. At this point I was in top physical shape and I was a power walker. No way she was catching up to me even if she did decide to run after me. Well when I walked the 40 blocks to my house in the cold I did record time because I arrived home but no one answered the doorbell. Thinking that my mom was going to do good on her promise of kicking me out of the house I decided that I would go to the factory and stay there.

I walked the 30+ blocks back to the factory in record time. I would LOVE to show you a picture of the industrial area but my hubs would freak out so I will do my best to describe it. Our factory was on the 3rd floor of a massive industrial complex and technically it was the sub-basement which meant that the building was on a steep hill. So the basement was below street level but as you continued further the sub-basement was lower but still 3 floors above ground. Make sense? ok. Technically it has two entrances from the street but unfortunately I couldn't use them because this building was so secure that it basically cuts the inside labyrinth of businesses in sections with multiple 2 feet thick sliding doors of metal and I did not have the keys to them (only the super did). So I went through the back entrance.

So in the very back (where my mom's factory was) there was a second steep hill and that is where the homeless people lived. This industrial complex had two streets straddling it but no one would go down them because people would hide in the dark and deal drugs. I was so mad that I walked the half a block down the steep street (straddling the building) in the dark and continued onward. Then made the right when I reached the bottom of the street and made a left to go by the side. Now they use to have one of the semis blocking the entrance so someone could technically ambush you and you wouldn't know it until you were right there and it was too late. So I got through it, took out my keys let myself in and locked the doors (big, heavy, thick doors) and continued upstairs. I locked myself into the factory and for some reason checked the voice messages.

That was a habit of mine since I was responsible for customer service and quality control. I heard a message from my mom but it wasn't directed at me. You know when you call someone and you get their voicemail but you don't realize it and continue talking to the person in front of you? well that was the kind of message. Apparently she was afraid for my safety and since I didn't pick up at the factory then she didn't know where I could be. Weird. By the way can you believe I walked the 40 blocks faster than it took her to drive it? subhanaAllah.

So all is well and I turn off the lights and try to go to sleep on this HUGE industrial table (18f eet long and 5 feet wide). I woke up to flashing red, white and blue lights and immediately assumed my mom had called the cops on me or someone thought it was suspicious for a teenager to go down a industrial street so I stay quite and I don't turn on any lights. In the morning when I had to go to school I went down stairs and discovered a horror scene.

Apparently between the time I arrived at the factory and the flashing cop lights some poor woman had been dragged to that isolated area where you can get ambushed (the next door would have been the one I locked). She had been raped, tortured and murdered. I was in shock. I didn't hear anything. If I had I would have called the cops but I think she may have been sedated or gagged because I didn't hear anything.

That could have been me. In my anger and my teenage invincibility I had put myself in the most dangerous part of town at midnight without any protection! I don't know why that woman was chosen and I didn't follow the news because I felt that it could have been me and it was sorta like watching someone talk about your death. I know it doesn't make any sense but that is how my 16 year old self felt. A few seconds here or there meant that I could have been the victim or walked in while the crime was being committed. Death never felt so real until that moment. Alhamdulillah Allah swt kept me safe but I do feel so bad for the way that woman died. No one deserves to die like that or lose a loved one like that.

I was retelling my story to my hubs a while ago and he told me that when he was looking to get married (he looked for nearly 9+ years) he used to make du'a that Allah swt keeps his wife safe. He said that since we are giving three things when our soul is blown in to us 1) our provisions 2) who we are going to marry 3) how long we are going to live. Seeing that his wife was already chosen he made du'a for her well-being constantly for years. So I asked him more or less when he started to make such du'as and it coincides with me being 15-21 (I met him when I was 21). So it could have been my mother's du'as that saved me that night or it could have been my future husband's du'as. All I know is that Allah swt was merciful to me that night and am grateful for it.

Definitely the stupidest thing I have ever done.

Ps. And if you are interested the second stupidest thing I have done is accepting a ride from this Psycho.


muslim convert / revert said...

wow !
very scary man alhumdilah you were safe. X

CareMuslimah said...

omgosh that's so... shocking! Alhamdulillah you're safe!!!

Sarah said...

tuttie that is so incredible scary! alhumdulillah you are safe and nothing happened to you that night. what did your mom say after that incident?

She's Reaching said...

Walahi I <3 you for the sake of Allah. I really enjoy your writing style and your sincerity shines through your posts! May Allah bless you and grant you what is best for you!

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Wow that is scary. God definitely has a lot of plans for your life!

.::Tuttie::. said...

@Al I hear you and I wont be pulling those kinds of stunts anytime soon.

@ Sarah, my mom didn't say anything and I didn't either. We had a horrible relationship but it must have affected her a lot because she would be the type to yell "I told you so" and do a victory dance but this time she didn't.

@Stacy. inshaAllah.

AMEEN to the rest.

Kiddy said...

Thank God that your husband prayed for his wife and you were not murdered,you sure came close to it.Just knowing that must have totally turned things around for you in regard to any sort of fear that you have had.

Anonymous said...

i really am amazed.
i love u for sure.

Anonymous said...

how are u so loving even after what u have gone through?

Anonymous said...

Allah loves you.

Anonymous said...

i just like you.