November 20, 2009

I may have screwed up

I am in emotional pain because I am forcing myself to write about my past something I hadn't done before. Usually when the pain gets to be too much I run away and shut down. Well it is not working right now. I was able to function all these years because I kept myself ULTRA busy. I can't stop. I may not publish everything but I can't stop writing. I feel like I have held my pee and no amount of the pee pee dance is going to keep this in. SO CRAP. I may have screwed up. Today in the morning I broke down and my hubs was just hugging me trying to figure out who to punch. lol. My memories?

so yeah. You are welcome to continue reading. It does get really bad though so am not sure if you guys can take it. JazakAllah khayr for the comments they make me feel better. I am about to go out with hubs and hopefully get a change of mood. I will write more tonight inshaallah. I need to get it out. My mom once told me to zip it because if you don't talk about IT, IT never happened. The longer you think about your memories the more time you miss out in the present. I feel that I am gonna get it out. I am gonna share it with whoever wants to read it and once it is out of my head I can start dealing with it. Allahu aalim.


LK said...

Do what you need to get where you need to be. You have a lot of support here. Obviously, you have a very loving family at home as well.

I wish for you only the best. May you begin to heal and may Allah help you to do so.

NtN said...

Your mind is finally telling you to get it out. After this, you won't have to live with that fear anymore inshaAllah. *hugs*

AlabasterMuslim said...

I'm sure you know that so many physiologist say that getting it out will allow you to heal. Or, when you stop taking drugs you meet those emotions and such head-on... but instead of drugs it'll be you not ignoring your feelings. Only post if you want to tuttie, but i'm totally here to cry,support you, and make dua for one of the COOLEST SISTERS in islam. :D

Candice said...

Sis, I really feel for you. I have to be honest that I didn't read everything or even most so far... I'll keep you in my prayers.


Sarah said...

this book might help

Bad Chilhood, Good Life by Dr. Laura

i'm keeping you in my duas sis & i'm always available on FB.

Kiddy said...

Yes,just take a wee peak at the situation in your home now all that peace, tranquility and love, and look at how eagerly your family supports you.You have nothing to worry about because there obviously is no "Domestic Abuse" going on in your household and so you are safe and secure and your little dude will not grow up having NO RESPECT for you whatsoever and treat you like dirt because of your husband's abuse whether verbal,physical or both, and it's vice versa for your habs.And I know, that you are mighty grateful for that.So enjoy your total martial bliss and peace and harmony within your relationship,dear.