October 31, 2009

Honduras trip Part one

For our trip to Honduras we prepped for nearly 6-9 months even though our trip was only going to be for 14 days. Every month after we submitted our application and were accepted in to the program we had to meet. We went to spiritual gatherings (I was in a catholic school after all), self sufficient farms in Massachusetts that help the impoverished overseas, Jesuit resorts (more like luxurious estates, they have taste) and other social justice related activities. All the activities involved us spending the night together somewhere. This was so that we could get along and start getting familiar with our annoying quirks and to handle chores together. That way we don't kill each other once we are in another country.

I learned A LOT about myself and my classmates most of whom I had only seen in school and hadn't befriended. I spent most of my college career being hospitalized closed to death so my priorities really weren't about me making friends. The last outing before our scheduled departure was a tense one. You see in the 2nd to last outing I had been a Christian and I wasn't wearing hijab and honestly didn't care if all 14 of us slept in the same room (it was a total of 3 guys but 2 dropped out at the end). Since everyone was respectful. Once I became Muslim and I was wearing hijab I did make objections and the 3 males plus the male faculty (he wasn't a professor, he was a Jesuit priest drop out and now worked for campus ministry) had to sleep in separate rooms. I IMMEDIATELY started to get the nasty looks and whispers from the women.

I didn't blame them since most of them knew each other for years and I was the new comer to the group and I was making it hard for them to hang out with their male friends. I am SOOO glad Allah swt kept me blind and deaf to the things they were saying about me because I later found out it was vicious.

Anyway like I said before I started off as a Christian and I became Muslim in April and we were leaving to Honduras in May. At first they were concerned about it seeing that this was theoretically a 'Christian' mission (although we weren't there to preach) but it was really too late to have me replaced by someone else plus the group had already 'meshed'. I think me being one of only 3 native Spanish speakers for a group of 12 definitely helped me out So preparations for us leaving went full steam ahead. I had to scramble because I had NO money and I had to buy loose/modest clothing to take with me to Honduras. The night before we were supposed to leave (4:00AM) I did my research and printed out the prayer times for Honduras during my stay and I found out in which direction to pray. While I was doing my research I found that there were TWO mosques in Honduras and one about 30 minutes from where I was going to be staying. Centro Islámico de Honduras in San Pedro Sula led by Yusuf Amdani, and the Comunidad Islámica de Honduras in Cortés for their info check them out here.

I was SOOO psyched and I wanted to visit so badly but our schedule was really tight and our goals very lofty. The school van arrived at 3:30 AM and people started loading their luggage I had very little to bring except my ipod (full of Qur'an :) ), my Qur'an, my prayer mat, a couple of hijabs, the few clothing I managed to buy AND the $20 to my name.


October 30, 2009

Why Spam?

You know I don't understand why people do it. I just don't. After I buy something from somewhere I start getting mail from the same retailer every other day. WHY? I already BOUGHT from you? Makes me NOT want to buy again. Seriously. Or when I sign up to a mailing list and I start getting two or three emails a day. WHY? oh WHY? oh WHY? I JUST SIGNED ON. Your battle is DONE. Now try to keep me but there is now way no how now with that stupid biz practice.

I run a couple of forums and I notice a lot of biz owner come on over just to spam. It looks bad. Really bad. I find it so annoying that I am avoiding the biz owners establishment in protest of their methods. I don't understand the logic of spamming. I know there is a group of people the ones responsible for nearly 70% off all spam that are actually scams. That I get since they are not trying to build any form of relationship with you other than rip you off and throw you to the side.

HOWEVER, if you are a reputable small biz why do as the crooks do? The post or emails aren't even relevant to my life either.

I just spent sometime monitoring the part of the forums that are open to the public as a guest and deleting all spam related to porn and meds. Maybe thats why am ticked off.

Is it so hard NOT to SPAM?

October 28, 2009

The Aftermath

I converted on April 11th 2006 as you probably already know from reading my conversion posts. I didn't plan on taking my shahada that day but I did and I never looked back. I took my shahada @ Isha time and when I came home Isha was the first prayer I prayed. I prayed fajr on time the next day as well. Around asr time the next day I return to NJIT's Islam Awareness Week and a sister presents me with a hijab (that I literally wore almost that WHOLE summer until I purchased/ was gifted more hijabs).

Life as a convert was pretty sweet, my mother didn't have any problems, my friends gave me "whatever" attitude and weren't challenging me, my work teaching ESL was fulfilling, life overall was good. I started going to the masjid (discovered a masjid where the majority are hispanics *swoons*) and I started hearing convert horror stories. One sister was underage when she took her shahada and her parents freaked out and had her institutionalize for being 'crazy'. Another sister went homeless after her parents kicked her out and suffered a lot of humiliation. Another sister's parents disowned her and hadn't spoken to her in at least one year (at that time). Just absolutely crazy stuff happening to them.

As the sisters would tell their stories other sisters would say something like "You will be rewarded for your trials just ask Allah swt, you conversion is real because of all the trials you are facing." So I started wondering if my conversion counted seeing as I had virtually no hardships. During this time I would make dua for something and bam it would happen. Sometimes I never even had to voice it.

As soon as I started having such thoughts my life turned upside down. I lost my job and I was already living paycheck to paycheck and I couldn't find a job. My best friends, people that I had grown up with and when I left my mother they were my family. I actually loved them more than my own mother. Yeah, them, they abandoned me. Wouldn't pick up my calls, stopped responding to emails and they where never home when someone did pick up the phone. I got the message and stopped trying. I had NO friends even my acquaintances LEFT me. Shoot, even the Muslims I met on Islam awareness week bounced and left me on my own. My roomates started getting on my nerves with them bringing guys over our house and I could HEAR them doing stuff *gross*. I bumped in to more naked guys as I was making my way to the bathroom than I care to remember *eww* (there were 4 single 20 something year olds women so do the math). In my defense it was dark and I was sleepy. My roommates would mock my hijab and call me names *sigh*. I became 3 months LATE in rent payments.

I started to have a breakdown. I was depressed and my only consolation were my prayers. I would cry in prayer asking Allah swt to please grant me a family. I wanted halal companionship and an easy halal lifestyle. After making such supplications for a while I started meeting people. I found out my old best friends had gone to dominican republic for vacation like we had planned but totally cut me out. It hurt bad. This is when I started to ask the 2 sisters I had just met about getting married. You can read my marriage interviews and story here.

what I did notice that changed drastically once I became Muslim were my interactions with women. I LOVED IT! There was very little backbiting and virtually NO drama. I think it has something to do with the no dating thing. Seeing that there are no males to compete over. It was great. One of the problems I had before Islam was that I related better with men and had more male friends than women. That changed for the better. I love my sisterhood in Islam. I love you guys, I mean girls.

***If you are squeamish about child abuse stop reading right here***
I also became reacquainted with my femininity and sexuality that I had suppressed for years. First I became reacquainted with my girly side (even though my hijab style was usually grunge (read: lazy hijabi). Once I got married it was on to my sexuality. I suppressed that because of the child abused I endured. Being raped as a child really did a number on my pysche and it made it very difficulty for me to be emotionally and physically intimate. SubhanaAllah being married to such a kind and handsome man helped me heal. My violent flashbacks stopped occurring. I mean it was as if the moment I got married the switch was turned off. It was that drastic.

When I became Muslim I felt renewed as a person and when I got married I felt that the last piece was put in place. I still have years of repressed memories to deal with but it is soo much easier now when I have a supportive person next to me. If you read how I married my hubs you would know how unbelievably attracted I was to him (still am). I think my attraction to him made it easy for me to relate to him.
A month after I became Muslim I went to Honduras to teach. I'll post about that tomorrow inshaAllah.

October 27, 2009

Is this a good deal?

I want a reversible stroller and I have two offers, one for $4o and is a three wheeler Kolcraft and the other is a $75 with rain/wind screen. What do you guys think is the better deal?

This is the 3 wheeler
Brand New it would cost $180 plus shipping. I like it because it is a jogging stroller so I could start working out and not freak out that my running will flip the stroller if we hit a hole. This one is being sold for $40. Here is the Epinions of people who bought and used it.

it comes ONLY with what you see in the pic.

This is the 4 wheeler
Brand New it would cos $170 and it comes with all the accessories. It is being sold to me for $75. here are the epinions of people who have bought it.

The only differences between the two of them is the extra wheel and the extra $35. So do what do you guys think? which one is the better deal?

October 26, 2009

Home School

My husband and I are both very interested in home schooling our little one and wanted to know from my blog community (love you guys) if any of you have done it and if so what resources do you recommend? I did a simple google search but it is very overwhelming.

I am lucky to have a large group of friends who are home schooling and have had success. One of my friends kids scored a near perfect score in 2007 on the SAT and has been successful in college. They have a nice structured support system for homeschooling parents. I still want to do my research and come to my own conclusions.

There is this new model I started looking in to that resembles a university schedule. The child is homeschooled for 3 days of the week and go to school for 2 days. There is non set up in my town though.

Have any of you homeschooled?

October 25, 2009

Health and Weight

I just got in to a discussion with someone about weight and being healthy. I think being skinny does not automatically equal healthy or being fat equal unhealthy. I think you can be healthy at any weight. I still think though that we should take responsibility for our actions. If you plant corn in your field why would you expect watermelons? That is not how it works. Same applies to our eating habits, our social interactions and so on. There maybe some lucky people out there who don't need to do much and their metabolism burns up all the unnecessary or harmful stuff but that is not the case for most people.

So try to eat a balanced meal whenever possible and have a sensible exercise program. Right before I was about to be sent to field training as part of my program to be a fighter pilot I had a tight food and exercise schedule. I was healthy, my cholesterol levels and everything else were good. I was underweight at 125lbs for being a pilot though and I was put on a stringent diet to gain muscle weight and not fat weight. Anyway the conversation with this person got all carried away as they got all accusatory and it was no longer a convo I wanted to be part of. I still don't understand a couple of the things she mentioned in her reply though although I think I am supposed to be offended.

It seems like we think alike

A lot of bloggers I have been following seem to be going down the same path as I am....healthy living/loosing/maintaining weight. Ange from 3Beeta mentioned this post about what happens once you get married, you get fat. I am slowly getting bigger and I need to stop with the excuses.

Kimdonesia is also trying to shed some weight in her new blog Kimdonesia Gets fit and Sakeenah from Abaya Chic also has a new blog for the same purpose. So here is my blog http://tutsfight.blogspot.com I have been working on it for a month now and I hadn't made it public till now. I am hoping that I will stick to my program if I have a separate place where I can detail my progress. I am also trying to limit my environmental wasteful ways. So I am trying to do everything online instead of on a notebook.

October 24, 2009

Keyboard Meltdown & Raspberry Leaf Tea

I got addicted to tea of all things tea. I used to HATE it with a passion and now am drinking it like a junkie and it only took ONE cup of this Organic raspberry Leaf tea. I seriously don't even know how it happened but I think its a chemical thing because with the first sip and with my mother in laws treats I immediately felt this warm, loving, calming, soothing feeling. I think there might be more 'secret' ingredients in there that I am not being told about :)

I even brought a cup with me to my computer and spilled it :( Keyboard died. Alhamdulillah hubs came to the rescue and replaced it within a couple of hours. My Super Hero :) Seriously. I would have some crazy and violent withdrawal symptoms if I don't have my computer available.

I also need to organize my life, my room, my computer and overall my biz. I need to get a handle of things as well with the internet and set a regular time for me to go to bed. If anyone has a method that has worked for them please share. I am clueless and I need to reign my life in before the year is up.

October 23, 2009

Where is the outrage? Where are the pitch forks?

I have been watching food documentaries recently (for no reason whatsoever) and I am SHOCKED, OUTRAGED and FRUSTRATED. Patent Laws NEED to be REVISED. No one should be able to patent life.

The Future of Food is a 2004 documentary film which makes an in-depth investigation into unlabeled, patented, genetically engineered foods that have quietly made their way onto grocery stores in the United States for the past decade.
Disturbing quote from the film
"We will ensure that biotech products will receive the same oversight as other products instead of being hampered by unnecessary regulation."
Dan Quayle-Vice President & Chair, Council on Competitiveness, 1992
The FDA scientist objected to this and mentioned the decrease nutritional value and allergenic properties of these biotech creations. Seeing this much objection the administration brought in Michael Taylor as Deputy Commissioner for Policy, FDA. Only problem was that he was also a member of Monsanto's Senior Counsel. HE wrote the industry regulation which was NO regulation and became the rule of the land.
"Agricultural biotechnology will find a supporter occupying the White House next year, regardless of which candidate wins the election in November"
Monsanto Inhouse, Newsletter
October 6, 2000
The people responsible for overseeing these mammoth corporations are the corporations employees.
Where are we, the consumer in all of this?
Where is our government who is supposed to protect us?

Take these people for example and some may not be in their post any more but most likely another one of their employees as taken their place.

Linda Fisher
Executive Vice President for Monsanto Corporation
then Deputy administer for the EPA under George Bush senior administration. She has been back and forth 3x between Monsanto and the EPA.

Justice Clarence Thomas
Supreme Court Justice
Monsanto's Lawyer of Regulatory Affairs

Micky Kantor
Secretary of Commerce
Board of Directors, Monsanto

Lidia Watrud
Environmental Protection Agency
Biotech Researcher, Monsanto

Anne Veneman
Secretary of Agriculture
Board of Directors, Calgene purchased by Monsanto

Michael Friedman
Acting Commissioner, FDA (at the time of the film)
Senior VP, GD Searle, division of Monsanto

William Ruckelshaus
Chief Administrator, EPA
Monsanto Board Member

Donald Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense (at that time)
President of Searle, a subsidiary of Monsanto

Universities used to raise question in the 70's but then the biotech industry started flooding universities with funding and everything that came out was just promotional material for those interest.
So who the heck is looking out for us?
Why are we lab rats?
Research Monsanto, research where our food is coming from, who owns and how it is made. I think that is the basic right of being HUMAN.

October 22, 2009


My Gyno Nightmare

I visited this obstetrician/gynecologist lady because she was the closest and all I needed was a pap smear this was in 2007. No biggie. WELL, while we were in the waiting room I kept looking around and the place looked shabby and unkempt. I previously worked for a ophthalmologist/eye surgeon and his place was spotless so I am kinda of a snob when it comes to cleanliness in a docs office. I forgot about it because my hubs and I were acting stupid and making each other laugh. A pregnant woman came for her appt and besides her and us there was no one in that office. That should have been a red flag seeing that this docs office is across from a major hospital.

The pregger lady went in to the examination rooms and I remember seeing her walking semi normal and we went back to our shenanigans and our 3rd grade jokes. We then heard a woman scream and he was like, did you hear that? and I wasn't sure since we were both being idiots.

The pregger lady came out and she was visibly waddling (which I found soo cute, I was so clueless). AGAIN I dismissed my hesitations and we went in. The doc didn't even introduce herself and for some reason I thought it weird that an ob/gyn would have such long nails. She disappeared and came back with gloves and this torture apparatus and she asked me to lay on the exam table

She then jammed that thing in to my crotch. Honestly I felt like someone had punched and drop kicked my crotch at the same time. It hurt soo MUCH! and she was like, "You are such a good patient all these Indian girls scream" NO FREAKING WAY! you practically raped them with a foreign object. SubhanAllah. If they came in as virgins they aren't any more. I felt like she needed to buy me breakfast or something after that. I mean did we just do it?

In the mean time my hubs and I are looking at each other clueless and speechless. When she left the room I turned to the hubs and asked if she had gotten a new thing or had used an old one and he couldn't tell me because he was trying to make me laugh to ease off the tension (that was before I was violated). SubhanaAllah.

Crazy doc comes back in and is trying to give me prescriptions for conceiving and I told her NO I was only 22 at the time and was not planning on getting preggers. If it happens it happens but I wont take any fertility drugs. As we are leaving she tries to get me to make an appointment for a follow up and I answer with, "I'll call you" as I waddled the heck out of her office.

So that was a Saturday, by Wednesday I was still in a lot of pain and I clearly had an infection because stuff was happening that wasn't natural. I call my friends and tell her the story and she recommends her gyno who is like 40 min away. The 2nd gyno gave me a prescription over the phone for me to take before she was able to see me just because what I described was severe and it turned out to be severe. I went to see her and she was sweet, her office was clean and professional AND there was more than 2 women waiting to be seen. She didn't violate me and the infection cleared away.

NEVER AGAIN. Moral of the story: DON'T PICK A DOC OUT OF THE YELLOW PAGES OR THE INTERNET ask your buddies first.

How time flies

I am here nostalgic and pissed off at the same time. It took me such a long time to put my son to sleep only to have my husbands cell phone go off and destroy all my work. My little dude is now awake playing with hubs cell, hubs is sleeping and yeah, I do know he doesn't like little dude playing with his cell. BUT OH WELL.

that and my little dude is now 1 year old. *tears* They DO grow up so fast. Where did my baby burrito go? (you know when you swaddle a kid in their receiving blanket) Where did my gummy bear go? (he now has 3 teeth and another on the way). Soon he will be off to college and getting married and NOT NEEDING HIS MOTHER! **waterworks** I do want him to be independent and confident but deep inside he is my little baby. I feel sorry for my son. If we are both alive when he is a teenager trying to go to school I will be that mother that runs after the kid and kisses him all over his face right infront of his friends. Yes. I know I must control myself. OH how they grow up so fast. ya Allah swt protect my son from the evils of this world and of the hereafter and protect him from my bad duas ameen.

*MUST buy a camera and take a gazillion pictures to remind myself of how cute and little he used to be. mashaallah. *tears*

October 20, 2009

I think we forget

I think we forget this message and we loose the Muslim character and mannerism.

October 19, 2009


I am going to pray istikhara again and again and again. Everything seems to be falling in to place (inshaAllah), I spoke to a friend I hadn't spoken to in a LONG time and she is a FIT grad and basically walked me through the admissions process. YAY! My mom is super excited because she always did want me to take over her factory. Hubs has been encouraging me to do this for a long time so he is still on board. I am going to start working on my admissions app and essay tonight. I hope I could still get some financial aid but apparently FIT also has interest free payment plans. I am so stoked. I will still pray istikhara because I want to make sure this will be good for me. Most likely I will only take 1 or 2 classes at most at any given semester so as to not take too much time from my hubs and little dude. GUYS! make dua for me! Ya Allah, if this is what is best for me and my family in this life and in the hereafter please make it easy for me and let it happen. AMEEN.

Any advice from sisters (or anyone really except am used to saying sisters) who are married with small children and who have studied successfully? I would forever be thankful.

back to school

October 18, 2009

How do they do it?

I want to go to back to school and formally learn sewing and pattern making. The closest school for that is FIT in NYC but I don't know how I could get it done. I already run 4 blogs, 4 websites & forums, I have an 11 month old son, a patient and encouraging hubs and no money. I would also feel so guilty for taking time away from my little dude. Before I had my little dude I wanted to go back to school but I delayed it even though hubs was constantly reminding me to make my move.

Now I don't see how I could do it. I mean the blogs and sites don't take up too much of my time and I can even do them while nursing and taking care of my son. The schooling I don't know.

I am sure other women out there have done more things with even less resources so it is only a matter of learning what worked for them. I worked most of my life in a factory so I know how to run one, make patterns and I know how to sew. However, I want a clothing line in the future and I want it done professionally. Any advice?

October 16, 2009

Free the Slaves

I came across this foundation called Free the Slaves that aims to STOP and ERADICATE slavery of ALL kinds. I feel for the children and the poor who have been enslaved. Please take the time to watch the videos and educate yourself that slavery exists and we need to do something about it to eliminate it. A slave nowadays cost only $90!

About them

Free the Slaves liberates slaves around the world, helps them rebuild their lives and researches real world solutions to eradicate slavery forever.

We use world class research and compelling stories from the frontlines of slavery to convince the powerful and the powerless that we can end slavery.

We must end slavery.

Slavery 101
This 12 minute video is a powerful, succinct introduction to modern day slavery. Slaves from around the world share their stories and ultimately inspire us to end slavery.

**I cried watching the children. It reminded me of what I went through and I could only see my son in all their faces even though they look nothing a like. OH ALLAH swt please save the children and heal them of the injustice that has been done to them. ameen.

The Silent Revolution - Documentary
This is the story of people held in slavery in the stone quarries of northern India, who risk everything to take back their lives.

Dreams Die Hard - Documentary
One of them wanted to earn money so she could treat her parents like a king and queen, two of them were enticed by the promise of a good education, another one wanted to buy medicine for his sick son–none of them ever dreamed they would become slaves in the United States. But that is what happened. You can watch more of Free the Slaves' documentary films here:

Freedom and Beyond - Documentary
Freedom and Beyond is ultimately a story of hope and promise but it begins with voices of boys recently freed from slavery in northern India. They tell stories that are hard to hear. Important stories that help us learn what it takes to rescue children and help them rebuild their lives.

Modern Day Slavery

Slavery is a strong word that shouldn't be thrown around lightly. Here are REAL examples of modern day slavery in America.

By a conservative estimate, there are 27 million people working under various forms of slavery in the world today, and the number is growing. Read more HERE
The New York Times
Friday, October 16, 2009

Slavery and related kinds of servitude are a growing business because the number of desperately poor people is increasing and globalization has disrupted rural communities. In many nations, children, mainly girls, must drop out of school to work. A girl in a northern Thai village can be sold into prostitution for $2,000 a huge sum there. A Thai survey found that many families knowingly sold daughters into prostitution because they felt pressure to buy consumer goods such as televisions. Girls stay until they contract AIDS, and are then sent back to their villages to die in disgrace. (Same article as above)
The New York Times
Friday, October 16, 2009
New Jersey
October 15,2009
During four weeks of testimony, several victims told jurors how Afolabi confiscated their passports and used beatings and threats of voodoo curses to enforce tyrannical rules barring them from attending school, learning English, making friends or dating. Several were sexually assaulted by Afolabi's ex-husband and her son, both of whom have pleaded guilty.

you can read the rest of the article HERE
October 7, 2009
Three people have pleaded guilty to federal charges in what prosecutors allege was "modern-day slavery" of two Vietnamese women forced to work for years in central Pennsylvania nail salons....

...Last year, authorities say, one of the women managed to escape from a New Cumberland house where she had been held for nearly four years.

you can read the rest HERE

New York
July 14, 2008

CENTRAL ISLIP, N.Y. — A federal judge has awarded almost $1 million in back wages to two Indonesian housekeepers who were virtually enslaved by a wealthy Long Island couple.

The victims have testified that they were beaten, slashed with knives and compelled to take freezing showers for such misdeeds as sleeping late in what prosecutors had said amounted to a "modern-day slavery" case.
Read more HERE
June 19, 2008

The government accuses Malika Garrett of returning to her native India in January 2003 and hiring a nanny, identified in the indictment only by the initials R.S., and with her husband and father-in-law conspiring to "commit the crime of forced labor." The Garretts threatened physical harm and threatened to accuse R.S. of terrorist acts and theft if she tried to alert authorities or escape the family's home in Woodstock, Ga., according to the indictment.

"The case is an example of alleged domestic servitude of a nanny brought over from India. This type of abuse is insidious, as it preys upon those who are vulnerable due to their immigration status and unfamiliarity with this country's legal system," said David E. Nahmias, the United States attorney for the Northern District of Georgia in a statement. Read more HERE

January 8, 2009

The story of Shyima Hall, who was brought to this country as a slave at age 10 and forced to work from dawn to midnight in the home of a wealthy Egyptian family living in Irvine, has been told around the world. According to news reports, the child ironed clothes, mopped floors, made beds and groomed the family's hair. She slept in the garage. She did not attend school or have any days off. Read more HERE

Listen to this NPR audio about Modern Day Slavery

all the samples I mentioned happened in the last 5 years in the USA of all places. The NPR piece deals more with Africa but it is still relevant. Be vigilant people and make dua for all those affected by this oppression. There are many other examples but I did do this post in 10 mins.

Public Service Announcement: Boobs

Dear Babies all over the world,

DO NOT I repeat DO NOT bite the boobs that feed you. You might find yourself being weaned.

Mommies all over the world.

October 15, 2009

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.

Read about it HERE.
His argument is that children born from inter racial couples are not accepted by either race. I wonder if he thinks that by denying them a marriage license they wont have children? I think they will have children with or without the marriage certificate. Why not encourage marriage? We don't know if things will work out until we try it.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.

He goes on to say
"I've been a justice of the peace for 34 years and I don't think I've mistreated anybody," Bardwell said. "I've made some mistakes, but you have too. I didn't tell this couple they couldn't get married. I just told them I wouldn't do it."
What do you guys think?

How I love my Zawj

Marriage does take some work and effort but when you are with the right person life is beyond good and the work and effort is minimal. I am grateful to Allah swt for blessing me with such an incredible husband who has helped me work through the aftermath of my abuse. I am grateful for my immediate in laws because they are so great to me. They don't abuse me, harass me or belittle me. They are always there to help me with my son and they put my hubs in check :) gotta love that. All in all I am very happy with this stage in my life and I need to be grateful to Allah swt so that he may increase my joy, good fortune and happiness.

This is an email I received a while back from a friend of mine that I wanted to share. It's about a sister obviously happy with her hubs.

As salaamu alaykum,
How I love my Zawj

Sometimes women can be so self absorbed thinking of their rights
alone and worried about not getting things done their way, sometimes
we have to sit and reflect on our husbands and how Allah has made
them the providers and maintainers, and how He has made it so that
we are free from that heavy burden.

Thats why I write, How I love my zawj

He wakes up early in the morning to start his day of work downtown
in Corporate America, having to deal with kaafirs and the hustle and
busle of city life so that he can fufill his Islamic requirement to
support his family.

But before he does that he helps me with the kids. Sometimes goes to
the store to pick up needed items.

He calls me, while I am in the comfy home to ask me how my day is
going. When I know he is tired.

He says he likes to hear my voice and it makes him happy to speak
with me during today.

If dinner is not done when he comes home, he watches the kids while
I finish.

He takes the time to teach me the deen, he wakes me in the middle of
the night and quizzes me on what I learned, he makes sure that his
family knows the fundamentals of Islaam.

He works for 10 hours a day to keep us maintained

He comes home happpy and glad to see his family

How I love my zawj

He takes off work to care for me when I am ill.

He stayed home with me for 6 weeks to help me with the new baby.

He does not deny me anything, he gets me what I want, big or small,
to keep me happy. He searches all over to get me little trinkets of
silver jewelry that he knows I will like.

He brings mr African violets, they are my favorite.

How I love my zawj

He works for the masjid and spends a lot of time there dealing with
the affairs of the people

He is patient with life's trials and tribulations

He attends the masjid for all of the salat unless he is ill and
never misses Jumuah Alhamdulilah!

How I love my zawj

He tells me he loves me for the sake of Allah every day

He keeps a neat appearance and cleans behind himself.

He always looks to resolve our differences according to quran and
sunnah before we go to bed.

If I may forget, he recites the quls over me at night

How I love my jawj

He invokes Allah with dua for his family

He loves Allah, the Muslims and the deen.

That's why I: Make Dua for his entrance into paradise and the good of
this world and the hereafter.

I keep a fresh appearance for him, taking extra pains to look my
best when he comes home

Keep the house clean and ready for his arrival

Treat him with extra kindness when he is very tired and train my
oldest child to ask Daddy if there is something he needs.

If I may be upset with my zawj about something I remember that when
he walks out of the door for work, he is doing it for the sake of

But he makes me laugh so I cant stay mad at him long.

I also remember that Allah can call His slave at anytime and I don't
know if that will be the last time i see him.

I am attentive to him and stay away from things he dislikes, I keep
a good selection of friends who don't posses bad characters.

I am grateful because Allah has truly blessed us

Oh how I am so grateful to Allah for my zawj

May Allah keep us in this deen and preserve our marriage Ameen.

October 14, 2009

what do you youtube?

Youtube is a time killer for me but I still do it, I can't help it. Do you want to know what I look at for hours on end? you sure?

Kangaroo Boxing

I actually peed my pants watching a couple of those videos. MAN THEY ARE GOOD! I wanted to move to Australia just so I can see this but then I realized I could just google it or find it on YouTube.

What do you YouTube?

backbiting: holy snap!

recently I started praying qiyam more consistently and then going back to sleep and waking up for fajr. I was told that, that is how it should be done. Anyway I read in one of the blogs I follow (probably hijab chic) a while ago that qiyam forgives sins and helps you abstain from committing sins. I got really excited about that so I started doing it. May Allah swt reward the sister who encouraged me to do it, she probably doesn't even know of the good deeds that inshAllah she will or is receiving. subhanaAllah.
Abu Umama al-Bahili (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him, his family, and companions) said, “Hold fast to night prayer, for it was the way of the righteous before you, a way of drawing closer to your Lord, an expiation for wrong deeds, and a shield from sin.” [Tirmidhi, and others] In some narrations, there is an addition, “And it repels sickness from the body.”
Anyway maybe after the second consecutive day of praying qiyam and talking to a sister and then my hubs that I started feeling really sick. Like my stomach felt nasty like I had eaten something super disgusting and my heart was heavy, kinda like I had lost something. So I turned to Allah swt because I thought I was coming down with something. After a while I stopped feeling sick so I continued along my day (no am not preggers). So this kept happening me feeling sick after I spoke to people OR I would remember previous conversations and I would feel sick and embarrassed. I sat down to analyze what the heck was going on and I realized I was backbiting. It wasn't intentional but in the end it was backbiting in one form or another or the person I was talking to was backbiting and I didn't stop them. AstahgfiruAllah.

So I have made a resolution to stop backbiting in every form. It is scary that I was doing it and I didn't realize it. SO I am starting a NO backbiting commitment. My husband and I will catch each other when we are backbiting (inshaAllah) and we will repent and give in sadaqa under the name of the person we were backbiting. Considering we are beyond broke inshaAllah we will stop before it makes us go homeless. Anyone else wants to join me? I will make a separate post about the commitment and the sins of backbiting, what constitutes it and how you can expiate it.

What is backbiting?

The meaning has been explained by the Holy Prophet himself in 4:183. It is the speaking ill of a man in his absence whether it is true or false. There are several instances of evils spoken in presence of the Holy Prophet which were true but which were termed by him as backbiting (4:193). Backbiting relates to different things-body, pedigree character, deed, saying, religion and worldly affairds (including food, clothing, accommodation and properties). Backbiting relating to the body of a man takes place when one says about another 'squint-eyed, short, long, black, yellow etc' relating to character, such as Negro slave, Jew, Indian blacks, mean etc;
relating to character, such as a man of bad character, miser, proud, haughty, quarrelsome, coward, weakminded etc;
relating to religious affairs such as liar, drunkard, oppression, careless in prayer and fasting, usuary-taker etc;

relating to worldly affairds, such as a man of ill manners, ignorant of other rights, gluttonous, henpecked etc;

and relating to dress, such as a man of long coat, shirts etc

Backbiting is not confined only to Tongue.

Backbiting may be committed by hints, signs, writing, motions and caricatures. In short, all the signs showing evils or contempts or lowering positions of others are unlawful, and their punishment is equal. Writers and authors showing contempt for other writers and authors and criticising them commit backbiting by pen which is considered as more powereful than tongue and mightier than the sword. Backbiting takes place with regard to general people. When a definite man is meant man is meant in heart, the expression should be-

What is the matter with a people who do such and such a thing (4:167)?

To confirm or corroborate a backbiting amounts to the same guilt, and he who keeps silence as the time of backbiting is guilty of the same sin (4:156).

***Remember that backbiting is not restricted to Muslims ONLY. We are NOT supposed to do backbite Non Muslims EITHER.***

October 12, 2009

lol what the heck?

Someone arrived on my blog searching
Europe arrived from google.com on "Trying to Take Over the World!: July 2009" by searching for www.sexywomeninhijab.com.
16:44:56 -- 11 hours 48 mins ago
say what? and you want to know where they landed? here anyone interested in a organ farm? lolers. I wonder what they thought? It had to be a downer. sickos.

October 8, 2009

I don't remember ever having a close Jewish friend.

which is weird because as a young latina growing up, I lived in an area HEAVILY populated by ascetic Jews. However, our high school was 80% hispanic and black with a small minority of white students and other ethnicities (is that a word?) but no Jews. They had their own religious school I think they refer them to them as Yeshivas (kinda like a madrassa), and Jewish schools (sorta like catholic schools or islamic schools, not necessarily too religious). All I remember about them is that the women would either wear dark blue or black and the boys wore hats with curls down the side and they would occasionally smile at me...the boys that is. The women were always mean and would look down on me or ignore me. I personally didn't care as I had bigger problems then them.

After coming across Muslim after Muslim who feels that in order to be Muslim you have to hate Jews I get confused. I know this is a generalization and I am only referring to the people who do share in that ideology. They remind me of the patriot who thinks that in order to be an American patriot you have to hate a certain race, ideology or religion and in order to defend the tenets they so believe in they trample all over them. Its funny how these two groups are so similar yet they hate each other as well.

Anyway, I have had A LOT of friends over the years from various different countries, cultures and religions but I never had a Jewish friend. I have had Jewish teachers who would advocate that Yiddish is the proper language for Jews not Hebrew but it never made much sense to me. I never felt the need to hate another group. Maybe it was my harsh upbringing that made me realize I don't like inflicting pain on others or maybe because I am a convert and I am isolated from the tensions between the religions. Oh and another thing I hate. Whenever people know I am Muslim they want me to break down the conflict in Palestine and Israel for them. I DON'T KNOW!!!

I have never been over there and its not my beef! ask me about El Salvador and the civil war and carnage sponsored by American tax payers. Ask me about the school of the americas in Fort Benning Georgia and how they teach systematic torture and terrorism to the central/south american soldiers who go back and torture and kill their country men. Ask me about Islam and I can tell you. I feel bad for ALL people living under oppression. Not just Muslims. I feel for the children the most as they always suffer for our stupidity. ALWAYS. I feel bad for the women who are trapped in these cycles of violence. I make dua for everyone.

/rant over.

October 7, 2009

you probably heard by now

this is a rant. I posted this on facebook as a response to someone asking me why I wanted to slap Tantawi.

Reasons why I want to personally slap tantawi...maybe with a glove or a tree who knows.

first for yelling at a girl based on HIS interpretation. Secondly for bullying her to remove it based on HIS interpretation. Thirdly for making such a disparaging remark about the girls appearance and embarrassing her publicly. He had no right calling her ugly. That is a horrible thing to say to a teenager or anyone for that matter. Fourthly for doing such a disservice to the Muslim women who wear niqab by choice (me and others like me). Finally for the arrogance to say, that he knows Islam better and more thoroughly than this child, her teachers and those who gave her life."

If he is so upset why doesn't he pass a ruling saying it is forbidden to force a woman to wear it? why not pass legislation to help women who are forced to wear it? why not outlaw the coercion? why the garb? and in doing so punish the women who DO wear it by CHOICE.

Europe takes advantage of Egypt’s Tantawi niqab ban calls
Thanks to him he gave the Europeans motivation to ban the niqab you can read about it here

I like Yasir Qadhis response.
With Scholars Like These… – Yasir Qadhi on “Shaykh al-Azhar” Tantawi / Niqaab Incident

October 6, 2009

Mama, I am Waiting for you in Jannah

SUBHANALLLAH! I fear being told that my son wont make it. One of my worst nightmares is waking up to find my little dude gone. I think most people could relate to the fear of loosing a loved one and parents can torture themselves to no end. I got an email today from Al Maghrib and that fear came right back. It was especially REAL because one of my hubs family member just passed away today (inalillahi wa ina illayhi rajiuun). May Allah swt forgive him for his sins, ameen. May Allah swt allow him to answer the 3 questions we will all be asked correctly, ameen. May Allah swt make his journey easy ameen. His day of judgment has begun people *shudders*. I hope our duahs are answered so that he wont receive any punishment in the grave.

The fam is very faraway and there is no way we can make it to the janaza. Please keep him in your duas.

Here is the email I received.

Assalamu alaikum,
The loss of a baby is an unthinkable trial, yet an undeniable truth. At the blow of first shock, the mother is struck with a tidal wave of questions, thoughts, and emotions that none can understand except her Lord. Her world shrinks, her heart hurts, and all matters suddenly become trivial.
With such a whirlpool of emotions, what is the single most crucial lifesaver to pull a mother out from an ocean of sadness?

"The title of this Ilminar alone brings tears to my eyes. I want to do a lecture that may, by the permission of Allah, be a source of comfort for parents all over the world who have experienced the loss of a loved on. These are REAL issues that do not normally get addressed. I intend to champion it. Please invite your friends and family to RSVP."

- Muhammad Alshareef
Saturday, October 24 | 6:45pm (NY Time)

*Almost worst than labor

OMG! I have had the most debilitating tooth ache for the last couple of days. SUbhanaAllah I nearly smashed my head in to the wall hoping to get relief, hubs stopped me. In a way it is WORST than labor pain because at least with labor there is an end insight and once the kid comes out you are good. Tooth pain? SUCK. I have a high pain tolerance (once had my instep fractured and all i felt for a month was a muscle ache) so for me to wanna jump out of our apartment building or to try to smash my head in to the wall for relief says a lot.


October 5, 2009


I just want to kick some butt and take some names! AHHH!

So you guys know I own Frugal Muslim and HijabSwappers. If you don't, well now you do. FrugalMuslim is a cash back site so you shop through it, retailer pays me, I split it with the buyer and 1/3 is donated to a charity or non profit chosen by the users. HijabSwappers is a place where you can sell, buy or trade hijabs.

So I contacted many retailers Muslim and Non-Muslim to see if they would want to be apart of it. Most retailers were more than enthusiastic to get free advertisement and a steady stream of loyal users. Some retailers (mainly Muslim) never got back to me. Anyway a small fraction of the non Muslim retailers rejected me. Rejection is part of the biz and I am ok with it until I read their reasoning. In a way I guess I should be glad that they were honest but it still doesn't take the sting away. I wont reveal the names of the retailers in case this was a misunderstanding.

Here are the reasons for the rejections of FrugalMuslim:
  1. Your site is in a category that the advertiser does not want be associated with (say what?) Originally a friend of mine said that maybe they don't want to be associated with a discount/coupons site. So to test it out I started another coupons site geared towards hip hop/urban and guess what...I was approved.
  2. The traffic level to your Web site is too low (I'll give you that one)
  3. There is inappropriate material on your site (what?)
Can you guys check my site out to see what is inappropriate about it?

Here are the reasons for the HijabSwappers rejections:
  1. Website not yet live (yes we are)
  2. Serves a non-US based audience (Most of the visitors come from the USA and I don't see where they could get that we don't from considering I use a lot of target, sears and macys items).
  3. Applying website violates our affiliate agreement pertaining to acceptable site content (say what?)
  4. Your website may not be a good branding match for [retailer] at this time. (ouch)
  5. Your site is in a category that the advertiser does not want be associated with
  6. The traffic level to your Web site is too low
  7. There is inappropriate material on your site
  8. Your website contains material we consider to be inappropriate, as outlined in our approval guidelines (I read them and nowhere does it say NO hijabis or covered women)
AM FUMING MAD!! what do you gals think? I am angry I want to write them a letter but I may give them a bad image of Muslims so I am going to calm down and write the letter later. I want them to elaborate on their points before I blast them. After all it may be a misunderstanding.

October 4, 2009

I am a lazy dawah person

I LOVE Islam and everything about it. I can spend ages just reading Islamic books on fiqh or listening to speech after speech, or marvel at the miracles of the quran or discuss them with other people.

That being said, I don't particularly enjoy initiating dawah moments. If someone comes up to me and tells me that they believe in x,y or z I don't debate them. That's what they believe. If they ask me what I believe in I will no doubt tell them. I don't do debating. So far the people I have seen who want to debate really have no interest in learning about the religion but rather to be proven "right", so I avoid them. When I came to Islam I had NO Muslim friends or people to come talk to me about the religion at all. I also didn't feel that I needed to debate anyone. I simply took my library card and went to the library or hit the net and educated myself.

I found all the information I needed to make an informed decision albeit the person most instrumental in me becoming Muslim was a Christian theologian who despised Islam and used to be my mentor. She was very upset when I became Muslim and I lost all contact with her but it wasn't because I didn't try. So because of this I feel that people will no doubt come to Islam if they so choose to and I don't need to knock on their doors. period. I do make duah for them though.

I feel that I give dawah by my character and how I interact with the world also by
  1. not littering,
  2. by being polite,
  3. by being helpful,
  4. by being an active member of our joint community
  5. by picking hazardous things from the path,
  6. wearing a proper hijab,
  7. by treating them as a human being,
  8. by not being a maniac when I drive,
  9. by not biting their heads off when they have questions and the list goes on.
During the time of the sahaba people would become Muslim just by observing the character and integrity of the sahaba. SO I try to follow it, I try to live my life according to Islam...so walk the walk before you start the talk. Is that so wrong?

October 3, 2009

I wish I WISH!

KakChik's Wardrobe.: Another Hijab Heaven

Just waltz in and look at all the beauties! How I wish there was a similar store in my area. *faints*

Music Struggles

I am not attracted to music that is new or younger than 2006. I am vintage like that. I think the only real times I struggled with it in the last 3 years was when the black eyed peas made that target commercial and I couldn't get them out of my head. Thanks to them I would randomly shout out mazzeltov! Because that is what I remembered from their song.

Second time I struggled was when I heard Kanye in a commercial for VH1s Story tellers and I would shout out KAANNYEEEEEEEEEEE! trying to imitate that weird sound he was making. So I guess the moral of the story is that TV is evil as both commercials were on tv. Anyone buying it? I also gave up tv only to come back crawling to it because of courttv's forensic files. I am a sucker like that.

NOW, my real struggle with music is anything prior to 2006, you can read why here. THOSE are the songs I struggle with as they are ingrained with memories attached to them. When I hang out with my non Muslim friends and they have the radio tuned into the Spanish stations usually one of my faves pops up and I get all teary eyed while smiling like an idiot look. THANK GOD for the niqab. Also the Spanish stations play EVERYTHING and what I mean by that is that they will play the newest song and follow it up with like a 50 year old salsa song, follow that up with a Bachata jam from the 80's and back to a new reggaeton song. So it totally is unpredictable. With the English channels they rarely play anything old unless the singer just died or something so I don't usually struggle when they are tuned in to them. Anyone know what I am talking about?

who snitched?

so yeah post down for promoting haram and brazen booty shaking in public. Plus Alejandro who? [fill in the blank] ain't got nothing on you, hun.
*walks away in shame*

by the way does anyone know
who this guy is? I think its Putin.

side note: when I used to watch Spanish news I could never stop laughing every time they would mention Putin's name because the newscaster was having a hard time keeping their face straight. You see boys and girls when you remove the I-N from his name and add an A or an O. You have transformed his name from a name into a whore. Since we are known to shorten names by making them longer (*scratches head* it's true) and make things cute "Putin" sounded like a cute way of saying tiny whore. Just so you know.

October 2, 2009


Prior to me reading fellow sister's blogs this summer I had NO idea who the heck Amr Diab (did I spell it right?) was. I still don't know who he is and I refuse to google him. Is he an actor or a singer? and why are you guys drooling over him? I just don't get it.

I was never into Arabs or Arab culture to be honest with you (although my best friend loves them to bits...the men that is) and the closest thing i got to it sadly, was shakira. This is used to be one of my fav songs from her. Any Arab can tell me what she is saying? I know she is singing in Spanish but there is a bit of Arabic in there. This song is from 1999.

Ojos Asi

Enjoy before hubs makes me take it down for promoting haramy stuff.

one more thing I had a thing for Alejandro Sanz and all because of the song he did with Shakira "la tortura." I couldn't embed it from youtube . OR you can view it via this channel that makes you watch a sponsor thing first. Her dancing is pretty weird on this one.

*this post will probably be online for like a day till hubs finds out.

researching these videos reminded me of all the songs I used to know and all the dances I used to know and all the workouts I used to do. DANG IT! I gave up music like 2 years ago! and now I am struggling with it again.

I am curious...

How many of you co-sleep?
If so did you come into it with an exit strategy?