August 7, 2009

yesterday was a bad day for me

I think I have mentioned before that I have some social anxieties I am trying to work through. One of them is driving while someone is with me, it unnerves me and I become a fumbling idiot. Another one is driving while my little guy is in the back screaming bloody murder.

So the hubby asked me to drop him off somewhere and to drive home. No sooner was the hubby out of the car when the taxi driver who had pulled in to the gas station after us starts staring at me. It wasn't the "I can't believe you are wearing that crap on your face in America" look it was "I like what you wearing can I have your number" look. I was like did you just NOT see the man who left the car and called me hun or the car seat with a baby in the back? This wasn't so bad as he didn't say anything nor make any attempts towards me but it was creepy.

I was nervous about driving hadn't done it in a while, I read the dua and made it home safely and without any problems alhamdulillah. I reach the house and on cue my little guy wakes up and thankfully doesn't scream. I tried to park the car in the lot and end up scratching it. Naturally I was immediately scared because this is the hierarchy in our house,

I am wife #1,
Car is wife #2,
17 inch laptop wife #3 and
15 inch (newly acquired) laptop wife #4.

The car and laptop sometimes move up or down and at times I feel like I do too. My husband also takes extremely good care of his belongings and I don't like messing things up especially if they belong to someone else.

The hubster arrives and I come clean, surprisingly he wasn't upset. When we go check out the damage (I was too chicken to even look) it turns out that the huge white marks I had seen on the mirror just rub off. I was like alhamdulillah! Allahu Akbar! La illaha Illa Allah! It reminded me of the times I walked through tiled floor and my shoes leave scuff marks.

Anyway we decide to go get a bite to eat as our household is fasting and it would be rude to cook, warm up food or to bring takeout to the house. The halal spot we are going to is maybe 4-5 blocks away so we decide to take the stroller and just walk it, instead of wasting time trying to find parking in a highly congested area. As we are walking there I am pushing the stroller (another anxiety of mine is taking the stroller in high traffic areas with speeding cars and pushy peope) and the hubby is right next to me encouraging me as I go along. This guy is coming in my direction and instead of giving me the right of way (the area I was in was nice and smooth and the other one had huge holes) he decides to push right through and in my panic to keep him from falling in to the stroller and on to my baby. I bump in to the hubby who was trying to avoid another oncoming person and I nearly pushed him (hubby) right on to traffic. It was a tight spot.

Anyway hubby gets upset as he was kicking himself for having been distracted and not moving that dude out of the way. He kept fuming the last couple of steps until we arrive at the halal spot and I am telling him not to worry. So we get our food and we are making jokes about life, Arabic sayings mis translated into English and feeding the little one when another jerk enters the place. He reminded me of the people who have no self esteem and sell and use drugs and I don' t mean the big honcho but the foot soldier who is as replaceable as a paper cup. He was with a friend who seem healthier than he was (I can't explain it any better) and wearing cleaner clothing. So the friend is placing an order and the whole time the jerk keeps telling his friend to look at me and is saying some pretty obscene things about me in Spanish. His friend is very polite and refuses to look in my direction and tells his friend to leave me alone as I eat.

For some odd reason the thing that finally made me snap was his last comment about me eating. So I snapped back at him in Spanish. He didn't hear me because my hubby immediately turned around and glared at the guy. So there is an exchange of words between the two with the jerk claiming "No one is talking about you man!" and his friend claiming that the jerk was just talking to him. Anyway the friend pays, grabs the food and quickly gets out of the halal spot looking very embarrassed, while the jerk is still trying to play it off as if he didn't say anything.

This other Latina in the shop looks at my husband and tells him "yeah he was talking about her and nastily too" the shop owner also tried to calm my husband down saying stuff like they are not worth it and so on and so forth.

Hubby and I finish our meal and manage to enjoy it so we take a leasurely stroll home. On the way home the hubby is telling me that he needs to know when things like this happen. I tend to tell him later because he is explosive and whenever someone does or says something to me that doesn't cause me any physical harm I tend to forgive it. Anyway, we are 1 block away from the house when this car on my right catches my attention as he is jerking back and forth so I look out of curiosity. The guy is practically hanging out of his moving car aiming a camera at us.

Now you guys don't know my husband but let me tell you that if there is anything that sends him over the deep end is someone taking his picture. It has very little to do with halal or haram but more with, why are you taking my picture? what are you going to use it for? Who gave you permission? and why the hell do you feel entitled to invade my privacy?

So my husband's initial reaction is to show the man the bird, mean while I am thinking great, this dude now has a picture of a bearded Muslim man accompanied by a niqabi flipping him off. So you would think that once the man has been discovered trying to take a picture that he would have stopped. BUT NO. He kept trying to take our picture and my husband starts going to the guys car and the guy steps on the gas not realizing it is a red light and there are cars in front of him. So he manages not to get in to an accident and lucky for him the light does turn green and he cuts off some other car to get away. The whole time this guy had a nasty smile on his face.

Anyway the hubby later apologizes to me for acting the way he did and if I was upset that he now had a picture of my hubby and to some extent me. So I tell the hubby that no, I am not angry as he can only see my eyes and the rest of me is covered in this awesome khimar (but in black made by the same person). I was worried that the had my husband's face in his camera.

Why do people feel entitled to just randomly take pictures of people? I thought that was illegal unless you were a public figure or an elected official? Anyway I understand that some people will argue with "oh well, when you decide to dress like that you should expect this kind of behavior" That still doesn't make it right. So if a woman decides to bare it all you still don't have the right to take her picture. Just because you can physically do it doesn't mean you should. I am so angry. How dare he do that? and so smugly too. Last thing I remember is his nasty smug smile and that his license plate was from NY.

I am still fuming but alhamdulillah that he doesn't know what I look like. Has anyone taken your picture without permission? and how did you handle it?


Hijabee said...

wOW, looks like you had a full day! All these things happened in one day? SubhanAllah, people can be so rude sometimes. It is wrong to take someone's picture without their consent. It is rude to keep doing it after the person clearly notices you and shows you the bird.

.::Tuttie::. said...

yup. subhanaAllah, all in one day. I felt like I was being tested heavily.

muslimah said...

me and a sister got video taped one time, by a dude with HIS CHILD.
so i turned around and walked to him and screamed that if he dont take it down, iam gona push it down or up somewhere it fits in his body : P

And one time a small ugly girl try to take a pic with her mobile, those kinds you flip up? and i asked her in a loud mean voice if she wanted her mobile in two pieces.

I get super nasty angry and scream, cauze i hate it, and my hubbie laughs : P

ZORRO said...

SubhanaAllah Tutti... I know exactly how it feels!! My husband is also quite a fire-cracker when it comes to his family & ignorant people's looks/comments... We are from the east cost... and even though we have not been there in around 5 years, I still remember how awful it could be!!! Even here in Chicago we've had our experiences... and that's why we hardly go out together anymore... I have to 'pay' now for people's imprudences!!! Oh, but I LOOOOOVE IT when I catch someone saying things in Spanish!!!!.... I also answer back just to see their idiotic face of surprise when they realize I can understand... BUSTED!!! I would throw in some nasty "Boricua lingo" to them too, but I suppose it's not lady-like, ha!!! and it kind of doesn't 'go' with my outfit.. ;) Love your Khimar!!! I just wear the Black jilbab with the black niqaab... InshaAllah got to get me one of those!!! Take care and keep your Dhikr going next time you are faced with one of these days... Allah(swt) surely protects those who call onto HIM!!! :D

NtN said...

SubhanaAllah. I'd say Allah loves you and your hubby very much to be testing you this way. May Allah SWT give you both strength and test you greatly in this life in order to expiate your sins so that you are immediately given your books in your right hand in the next, ameen. (it's a weird du'a, but it makes sense, I swear!) Check out Surah al-Sharh (94) and the tafsir for some warm fuzzies.

Hubby gets really over-defensive about the men here too. I keep telling him it's the virgin/whore complex (that works in both countries of origin) and to ignore the ignorant fools.

(I had a coworker at the old hotel who was the head housekeeper. One time, he asked me if I was married, then if I had a boyfriend, then if I wanted one. This after hearing about his wife and children in Mexico. *smack*)