August 15, 2009

Shoot me, I am crazy

When a little girl cries halfway around the world, are her tears any less real?

so. I want more children. **husband runs for the hills** I really do, even if my 9 month (almost 10 months) speed *crawls* circles around me. Even if I can't get enough sleep. Even on the days I do double or triple duty. Even though I cloth diaper him and those diapers need washing by hand as we are not allowed to have a washer (by the landlord).

The children don't have to be my own mind you, I want to adopt and be a foster parent *THUD*
**hubster fainted**. I ALWAYS wanted to adopt or foster and if I hadn't had so many health problems at age 18 I would have fostered since then. Me being Muslim shouldn't get in the way. If anything it made me want to do it even more. You see I am trying to bribe my way in to Jannah and knowing that the beloved of Allah are the poor and the orphans, why not?
"And they feed, for the love of Allah, the poor, the orphan, and the captive..."
[Soorah al-Insaan, 8]
I know its sneaky but I do love the children and my mission in life before Islam was to save at least ONE child. Save them from abuse of all kinds. At first I wanted to save the girls because they seem to be the easiest target and the ones that get abused the most. However, since giving birth to a boy I realized that they need just as much protection as the girls. It's sad but if a girl gets abused (may Allah swt protect the children of the world ameen) there are services for that even if they are inadequate. For boys? non existent. (may Allah swt protect the children of the world ameen)

That being said I realized I can't choose so I will let Allah swt decide for me. If he chooses to bless me with more children whether they are mine or someone else's, He will bring them in to my life without any effort on my part. BUT I SOOO WANT one, or two, or three, or four....

Would you like your heart to soften and Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala to answer your prayers?

A man once came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, and complained that he feels hardness in his heart. The Messenger of Allah said, what translated means, "Would you like that your heart becomes soft and that you acquire what you need? Be merciful with the orphan, pat his head and feed him from what you eat. This will soften your heart, and enable you to get what you need." [At-Tabarani & As-Silsilah as-Sahihah]

but...where is the money going to come from? Allah swt, where everything else comes from. Plus I am launching a couple of my sites and inshaAllah, they become successful. Also their sustenance and my sustenance are written if I run out of sustenance than I don't have to worry about that as I will be dead and beginning my day of judgment. *shudders*

Would you like forgiveness and bounty from Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala?

"The Shaytan promises you poverty and enjoins you on lewdness. But Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knower." [Soorah al-Baqarah, 268]

November is coming and I wanted to get certified for foster care by then, because Nov is the month of unwanted babies. How do I know? Count 9 months back and you get the month of love, February. I have gone to 3 foster open houses in the last 2 years and they confirmed my suspicions. My husband went too and didn't faint only hyperventilated.

This is how I imagine things happen...

Imagine being born, being taken from a safe environment where your temperature was always perfect where you where fed on time. The lights are dim just like you like it, the noises are dulled. Now imagine being born to a place of loud noises and bright lights. You feel cold for the first time and you begin to cry because you feel pain and realized you haven't eaten. Now imagine being abandoned. Now imagine feeling all the above without the ability to understand and rationalize? that is what babies *most likely* go through. I want to cuddle them, to let them know its ok, to give them love and take away their bewilderment. This Ramadan please make dua for the orphans, the poor and the rest of the beloved of Allah swt.

Please make dua for me. Make dua that if fostering and being an adoptive parent is what is best for me and my family in this life and in the hereafter please make it happen. ameen.

There is a child out there waiting for me to pick them up, take care of them and squeeze them with love. I want to be there but I need my hubster to stop fainting when this topic is brought up. Please make dua.

Would you like to be in the enternal Jannah with our beloved Prophet and the best of creation, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam?

"I and the caretaker of the orphan will enter Paradise together like this, raising (by way of illustration) his forefinger and middle finger jointly, leaving no space in between." [Saheeh al-Bukhaari]

I think the time to adopt and foster is NOW when I am in my 20s and have energy. We are not getting any younger. If I die without getting this done, I will be very, very, very bitter and feel like a failure.


AlabasterMuslim said...

WOW i think that is so great that you want to adopt or be a foster parent! (or give birth to another baby) Inshallah i hope you are able to, its obvious you have a passion to be a good parent. Plus you totally just reassured me that even if you have a child you want more. People have told me after one, you don't want more. And i always thought that thats bull. Anyway thanks!

Jaz said...

Hi Tuttie, I read your message too on the friends section in blogger but I don't think there's a way to reply :)

I think adopting is a great thing, you're helping a baby and the population crisis, and Islamic too I think you sound like a great mum :)

muslimah said...

Allahumma Ameen, May Allah make it easy for you. I really hope to do the same in sweden. But it is really different from the states.
It is not legally anymore to adopt swedish children.
and the foster care system is quite different.
But when i move to my husband home country i wish to fully take care of another baby there in sha Allah.
Hopefully though breast feeding since it would make everyone mahram for each other, even as adults.

I really want it to work out for you.
As it would be the most strengthening healing process, knowing that you despite your own history can nurture and love other ppl perfectly normal.
Allahumma Ameen.

Zee said...

Hey Tuttie this was such a touching and highly inspirational post..I was all in tears reading the part about newborn babies being so so sad..*sigh*..Inshallah I will always remember you in my doas and request you to make doa for some of us here who want to follow suit.