August 12, 2009

PART II: Soy Musulmana Conversion/Reversion


I was 15 years old a sophomore in high school and just arrived in my mom's factory for work. I used to work 8 hours a day sometimes longer besides going to school, doing my homework (managed to be # 15 in a class of 311) cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, helping my bros with homework, babysitting and putting them to bed. My mom usually took this opportunity while I was in the factory to speak badly about me, in front of me, to her workers. I would listen in, hurting but I wouldn't talk back or curse her.

So my mom goes in to a rant about what a slut I am (I don't have a boyfriend and hadn't been kissed), didn't hang out, didn't go to the mall, wasn't allowed to watch tv, listen to the radio, or play with my brother's toys and mine were thrown away. She continue to say that if it wasn't for her I would be on my sixth kid by now. All the while I am thinking "NO. if I was on my 6th kid it would be BECAUSE of you." She had destroyed my self esteem to the point that the first idiot who would have said I think you are pretty or I kinda love you. I would have given them anything and everything. Alhamdulillah I was protected.

She continues with her vicious rant and for some reason she decides to start quoting the bible and that upsets me. I used to go to church by myself and my brothers and she would refuse to go. She gets all holier than you attitude telling ME to repent for my sins and to turn to God as he loves me and has died for my sins. So I respond, "Well, if he already died for me then why do I have to repent to a God who no longer exists and who has already forgiven me? because you did mention he was dead right? and he died for me right?" While I am saying this I am also saying "oh, God please forgive me, I do believe in you but I can't stand this any longer" because I was just saying the previous statement just to contradict my mom. So she flips out and curses me to the lowest level of hell as expected.

Next day I come in to the factory and my station has a book in Spanish titled (loose translation) Man in Search of God. So I laugh, brush it aside and get to work. She starts trying to save my soul while still beating me, yelling profanities, and over all making me suicidal. I never open the book because the hypocrisy of the whole thing was beyond me.


Fast forward to 2007 (I am already Muslim and recently married) I am moving my stuff from my old apartment to move in with my hubby when I come across the book. Just the sight of it reminded me of the incident and I felt a pang of pain in my heart. So while I am telling my husband the story trying not to cry as we actually just met (this story is coming up I promise, inshaAllah) I flip through the book. I am not interested in the rest of the book I go immediately to the section about Islam and my jaw drops.

The section about Islam was the only part of the book that was highlighted and it was accurate, except for translating Muhammad (saw) to Mahoma, the Spanish version of Muhammad. So again Islam was sent to me and I missed the call and the message.


Queen said...

salam tuttie, please dont keep me hanging, tell me the rest, what age did you revert? how did you meet hub? and that too a sylheti...i wanna know, it sound so interesting. sorry to hear about your mum, what is your relationship like many questions, sorry!

Maryam said...


Very well written! 2 thumbs up.
I shall eagerly await your next installment.

*samra* said...

subhan Allah!!