August 31, 2009

Hernando student lied about seeing Muslim student sit during Pledge of Allegiance, officials say

You can read about it HERE.

I feel bad for both the girls involved in this mess. If it is true and she was only bullying the Muslim girl and tried to cover it up with patriotism, she should be dealt with discipline. I don't think it was necessary to have it drawn out in public and now that the school officials are saying that the Muslim girl was standing for the pledge, the other girl looks like a bully and a liar. It was reported that the person who contacted the media in the first place were Lawrence's parents and that the other student's parents haven't commented yet. So technically they brought this on themselves.

It is sad that the other student was bullied and then bullied some more as she was attacked for not being American enough. What frightens me even more is Heather's alleged comments about Iraqis being the enemy and her signing up for the Army next year. That is NOT cool. I think someone needs to let her know that racism is NOT an American Value, or a family Value NOT even a military value.

After the incident, Lawrence was asked by a teacher why she confronted the girl.

"She began to rant that she was enlisting and was going to Iraq and that basically because the girl looks Middle Eastern, that makes her an enemy because all Iraqis are Middle Eastern," according to the referral signed by assistant principal Stephen Crognale.

Lawrence, who says she plans to enlist in the Army, denied Friday she said that or feels that way. She told the St. Petersburg Times that telling the student to take off her hijab was a little "over the edge" and that she would consider apologizing.

She shouldn't be allowed to enlist she sounds like a confused individual who needs help. Why do we raise our children like this? How are we ever going to live in peace if we praise our children for lying and bullying and victimize the victim further? May Allah swt give her and her whole family hidaya. ameen. The Muslim sister walked away from the incident alhamdulillah and is slowly being cleared of all the lies spewed at her. May Allah swt bless her with what is best in this life and in the hereafter. ameen.

Let's help out Coolred! UPDATE: Almost Complete!

Coolred's Rant: It's Over People....the Fat Lady Has Sung. About Freakin' Time


We need approximately $4500.

PLEASE let's keep it coming and may Allah swt bless you for your generosity. If you can't donate that is ok too, you can make dua for her to reunite her family this Ramada ameen.


August 30, 2009

I Heart the Fuzzy Man ;-P aka Nightcrawler

I am a HUGE fan of X-Men. I hadn't seen them in a while but right before Ramadan I started watching again, bad me. So I have a couple of favorite characters but right now am feeling the fuzzy man aka n=Nightcrawler, I just want to cuddle him.

When I was younger I used to sketch superheroes that would save the day (mainly mine). Nearly all of my buff superheroes had a resemblance to the Gargoyles. I LOVED their feet and hands for some reason so no matter the super hero they had those features. I think maybe that is the reason I like Nightcrawler so much. I also like his mother Mystique although in a different depiction of her.

even though Demona was evil I liked her the best.

Elisa on the right I liked because she looked a little Spanish and Goliath ONLY because he was the main character but I hated his uni-man-boob going on. David Xanatos the second dude from the left I had a small crush on until he turned evil.

I am thinking of starting to sketch again. I used to love it and the fuzzy man reignited my love for all things blueish with pointy ears and clawed feet.

What kind of cartoons/comics were you into as a kid?

Let's Help Coolred! UPDATE

Coolred's Rant: It's Over People....the Fat Lady Has Sung. About Freakin' Time


We need
approximately $4500.

PLEASE let's keep it coming and may Allah swt bless you for your generosity. If you can't donate that is ok too, you can make dua for her to reunite her family this Ramada ameen.

August 29, 2009

BASTARDO!! Child rapist claims "heartwarming" story

I was unable to post for the last 2 days and I DESPERATELY wanted to address this bastardo. You can read about it here. Although this article is way better. This animal is accused of kidnapping an 11 year old girl and allegedly fathering 2 children with her, ages 11 and 15. Which means she must have given birth when she was 14 and 18 (roughly).

He had been jailed before for child molestation and was recently released when he abducted the little girl.
Officials said Garrido had spent time in jail in Nevada after4 kidnapping and rape convictions in the 1970s, 80s and 90s and was paroled after one stint in 1988 and another in June 1999. It was not immediately clear where Dugard was while Garrido was in custody.
He goes on and on about how his actions were horrible BUT wait...if you finish the story its actually an uplifting, feel good story about love. This is what he had to say:
Garrido said he gave information to the FBI which would reveal a "heartwarming story": "If you take this a step at a time, you're going to fall over backwards, and in the end, you're going to find the most powerful, heartwarming story."
NO mofo. NO it isn't. The only uplifting part about this story is that the girl now 29 years old has been reunited with her family and her children will finally be free from him. UPLIFTING my butt. He raped this child for years and he wants us to gush about it as if it was a love story? NO MOFO. oh hell no.

Those two children have never been to a doctor or a school before and he had them living in a tent outside his house.Which brings me to ask, WHERE THE HELL WHERE THE NOSY NEIGHBORS WHEN YOU NEED THEM? Shish in my neighborhood they see a parked car for longer than the 2 hrs allowed and they are already on the phone dialing the cops. I mean did they NOT see a woman and 2 children living outside in the winter, spring, summer and fall?? This doesn't make sense to me at all. How could no one see this? I mean she had two young children with her and from my experience with my hyper active little one, they rarely stay still. I mean he just wanders if I am not paying attention. So did they not see two small children going about in the yard or did they not hear their screams? Because children DO cry. Next question, WHERE THE HELL WAS HIS FAMILY? unless he cut himself off from the world.

I hope they are kicking their butts now that they realized what was going on.

I am so angry at this bastardo. I don't want to make a curse against him as Allah swt will handle him and I am too chicken to do it. I will, however, make dua that Allah swt heals the abducted woman and 2 children and grant them what is best for them in this life and the hereafter. ameen.

Before we criticize the survivor we should consider that she probably suffered from Stockholm syndrome. Which is a psychological response sometimes seen in abducted hostages, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger or risk in which they have been placed. (taken from wiki).

Remember that she suffered a lot of trauma, first the abductions, then the rapes, than the pregnancies, subsequent deliveries and whatever else that monster did to her. May Allah swt heal her wounds. ameen. Also Garrido had a wife and she is also accused of helping him abduct the child and before I rip her a new one I think she might also be a victim of that bastardo.

I am still so very angry even though the news broke out like 3 days ago. Please can you make dua for her and her family?
PS. this bastardo apparently had a blog you can check it out here if you like. Authorities said he had some posts about mind control. If it is true there is just now way he is getting off. (InshaAllah)

Let's Help Out Coolred! UPDATE

Coolred's Rant: It's Over People....the Fat Lady Has Sung. About Freakin' Time

It doesn't need to be much may $5 at a time might do it. So are you in?

Average cost of tickets is Bd400 x 4 = Bd1600 which is approximately $4500.

You can also make dua. There are more than just one way to help.

May Allah swt reward all of you so lets continue so that she can reunite her family. ameen

August 26, 2009

What do you see?

I was reading a post about a woman who is out there helping Muslim women and in the same post criticizes them for being brain washed. She is also Muslim. Sad. Well it reminded me of this ad I had seen before from Mercy Corps. I don't know much about it but their youtube channel is anyway this clip summarizes how I feel. Let's stop victimizing the survivors. Enjoy

If you can't see it this is the url for it Ignore the music or mute it right away as there is no spoken message just images and texts.

Ramadan Day 5 & Granny Panties

Life as a fasting woman is challenging but when I get in a funk during the day I start making dua a LOT. I mean I can ask my hearts desire and unless I kill my dua it will be accepted. I get all pumped and start making dua for everyone I met on the blogosphere, my friends, my family and anyone else I happen to remember. I again chickened out in extending an invitation to my brothers. *sigh* Tomorrow is another day I guess. I already broke my fast and time for isha has come so I am going to go and pray insahAllah.

So far I have done all my taraweeh and witrs started on adding more nafils to my prayers. I started working out at asr time some crunches mainly abdominal work and I feel like a totally different person. SUBHANALLAH! You know wearing clothes that actually fit you is a must when you are home with hubby. I have been in a funk for a while now despite my husband's compliments. He bought me some underwear a couple of days ago and usually he just runs in to the store grabs what he finds and brings it back. This means that on occasion I have been stuck wearing HUGE granny panties. NOT very sexy but don't tell anyone ;) I hunted for a picture and I added it to the post so we could be in awe of it.

This time thought he brought home nobo (no boundaries) stretch cotton bikinis and OMG I look like a completely different woman! All the work I have been doing is appreciated by this undies and I feel good na na na nah nah! so good! so good! I got you.... sorry.

SERIOUSLY who would have thunk it? Who the heck invented granny panties? seriously?

off to prayer now but I am going to wear my granny panties otherwise I might jump out dancing and singing

Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would,
now I feel good, I knew that I would,
now So good, so good, I got you

so much for prayer concentration :(

Let's help out Coolred!

READ ABOUT IT HERE:Coolred's Rant: It's Over People....the Fat Lady Has Sung. About Freakin' Time

Both my husband and I are currently unemployed and living with my in laws so my resources are very limited. It doesn't need to be much may $5 at a time might do it. So are you in?

Average cost of tickets is Bd400 x 4 = Bd1600 which is approximately $4500.

You can also make dua. There are more than just one way to help.

August 25, 2009

Ramadan Day 4

Quick update.
Alhamdulillah Day 4 went by quickly despite me not sleeping properly and my husband messing my routine up. Since I didn't follow my routine I began feeling discomfort earlier in the day but when the time for iftar came I was SOOO relieved as I was becoming sluggish due to my hunger. However, I was happy that he was with me and not 100 miles away. My favorite time of the day is iftar time. Not just because of the obvious but because that is one of the prescribed times when Allah swt grants duas. So I was making dua like crazy and inshaAllah making out like a bandit

My little dude is AGAIN fighting extreme eczema and his beautiful face is marked up again. May Allah swt give him complete shifaa. ameen. My mother in law is doing better (JazakAllah khayr for your duas).

Today I made intentions to extend an invitation to my brothers (19 and 16) to come to Islam but I chickened out. Usually I just give dawah and walk away but for some reason recently I keep seeing my brothers passing away and being tortured in their graves. It might have something to do with the 19 year old being in his 3rd car accident this year and walking away unscathed from an accident where his car flipped over. Or my 16 year old brother buying his first car. I need to tell them. I just don't know how. Should I just blurt it out, like what do you think of Islam? or do you want to become Muslim? I don't know. Any suggestions?

PS. If you see any of your brothers and sisters doing something that goes against Islam. Gently let them know (WITH PROOF) that there is something that is better and will get them more rewards (inshaAllah) or give them encouragement to practice it. Make dua for them. No need to kick someone in the gonads when they are down and make shaytan's job easier.


Dua has the power to change destiny (only the minor Qadr - not major ones such as the signs of the Day of Judgment) - Salman Farsi narrated that the Prophet said,

Dua turns away destiny and good deeds lengthen age (Tirmidhi).

Dua Request Line

As Salaamu Aalaykum ALL & 
Ramadan Cream Kareem!

Since this is Ramadan I wanted to know, what kinda of duas do you guys have?  I have noticed that while some are getting ready for iftar I am getting ready for suhur. So why not have your duas posted so that the sister who are getting ready for iftar can make dua for you? 

The supplication of the fasting person is answered: “There are in the month of Ramadhan in every day and night those to whom Allah grants freedom from the Fire, and there is for every Muslim a supplication which he can make and will be granted.” [al-Bazzaar, Ahmad, Saheeh]

Abu Umaamah (r.a.a.) said: I said: O Messenger of Allah, tell me of an action by which I may enter Paradise. He said: Take to Fasting, there is nothing like it. [An-Nasaa’ee, Ibn Hibbaan, Al-Haakim, Saheeh] 

“Every action of the son of Adam is given manifold reward, each good deed receiving ten times its like, up to seven hundred times. Allah the Most High said, ‘Except for fasting, for it is for Me and I will give recompense for it, he leaves off his desires and his food for Me.’ for the fasting person there are two times of joy; a time when he breaks his fast and a time of joy when he meets his Lord, and the smell coming from the mouth of the fasting person is better with Allah than the smell of musk.” [al-Bukhaaree]  

Fasting is a shield against the Fire: “Fasting is a shield with which a servant protects himself from the Fire.” [Ahmad, Saheeh] and his saying (saws) No servant fasts on a day in the path of Allah except that Allah removes the hellfire seventy years further from his face.” [related by the group except for Abu Dawood]  

So ladies what do you ask for?  and don't worry long posts welcomed.  I will definitely have this post open as I am breaking fast inshaAllah.

Ramadan Day 3

I am blogging a day after so right now I am getting ready for Day 4.

Day 3 has been the best day so far Alhamdulillah! Re reading my post about the hubster made me all lovey dovey so I patched things up with him plus he came home today! Alhamdulillah.

He was in our old apartment 100+miles away making the final arrangements for the past 6 days, 7 nights and 10 hours. I was staying with my in laws and that is why I was so angry with him. Not because of my in laws (meaning mil, bil, sil, fil, the rest of the family is slowly coming around) they are SUPER awesome but because I don't like being away from him for too long. So he is home and I apologized for the tantrums I threw over the phone and life is good. Alhamdulillah.

I am still making dua for my core sisters. I am going to start a post and I would like people to leave their duas in the comments. That way the readers of this blog can all make dua for it.

August 24, 2009

Ramadan Day 2

Alhamdulillah I got through Day 2. It was rougher than day 1 because I let a certain someone get under my skin. BUT NO MORE (inshaAllah). In terms of hunger pangs I get them about 7-8 hrs in to the fast with 5-6 more hrs remaining. Fajr for me is at 5:00 AM and Iftar is 7:46 PM. I have been following my regimen of eating 3x before suhur and to hydrate as much as it is physically possible.

Right now it is 3:48 am and @ 1am I finished a conversation with my FIL that left me rejuvenated and ready to go out there and earned more good deeds. MashAllah. Allhamdulillah, I am grateful to have such a great father in law. I was furious at somebody and he redirected me back to fasting and remembrance of Allah swt. Reminding me that this world is short and even if you were to live until you are 100 it still is only seconds when compared to the day of judgment which will last 50,000 years. *shudders*

Ps. Please make dua for my mother in law her health has been failing her for years but recently (yesterday day 2) she became very sick. May Allah swt have mercy on her. ameen.

May Allah swt accept all your fasts as complete and increase your iman and knowledge of the deen and bless you with what is best in this life and the hereafter and grant you all jannatul firdous. ameen.

For all my pregnant sisters (hijabee in dc and all), May Allah swt grant you easy, healthy pregnancy, may your children be from amongst the righteous and pious. May your delivery be healthy, quick and painless. May your recovery be quick. AMEEN

Keep the following sisters in your duas inshaAllah
Faith in Writing & Gabby Hijabi May Allah swt. put your affairs in order, may he guide you to what is best in this life and the hereafter. ameen. May He guide your husband and soften his speech and treatment of his beloved. ameen

Non-Muslim Niqabi
May Allah swt guide you to his deen and soften the hearts of those around you and make your transition easier. ameen

(for those in the know) May Allah swt make your living situation easier ameen.

May Allah swt accept all your fasts as complete and may he reunite you with your baby in jannah ameen.

NeverEver May all you fast be accepted and you keep growing stronger in your new found faith ameen

Stephanie May Allah swt cure your son of everything that it is ailing him and bless him with health.

oh, and guys don't be shy leave at least an ameen, even if it is in anon.

August 23, 2009

Ramadan Day 1

As Salaamu Aalaykum and Ramadan MUBARAK to everyone!

Alhamdulillah I am almost on track with my biz, so I am happy.  I am actually on my second day today but will like to talk about yesterday.

Yesterday my little dude turned 10 months old! Alhamdulillah.  I am fasting now with the same game plan as I did when I was pregnant. I eat @ maghrib time to break the fast something light.  2-3 hours later I eat a meal, 3 hours after that I eat a large bowl of oatmeal in milk with 2 tablespoons of honey to sweeten it.  2-3 hours after that I eat suhoor a complete meal with something to drink.  In between all of that I hydrate and eat veggies or fruits.  My midwives actually wanted me to keep a food journal so that when I had a office visit they wanted to see what I was eating and if I was missing something.  I am thinking of doing that this time as well but instead of boring you guys on this blog I will post it on my private blog.

So back to my first day, it consisted of me praying my isha, sunan, tarawih and witr.  I ate the large bowl of oatmeal @ 2AM and went to sleep. My mother in law woke me up at 4:30 am to eat suhur and I had enough time for tahajjud.  I prayed my sunah and fajr @ 5:00and went to sleep. Woke up intermittently during the morning but was too sleepy and  woke up a final time @ 1PM and was upset I had missed my chance at Ishrak and Duha. After maybe an hour or two after praying Dhuhr's sunan and nawfil, I started feeling hungry. I started clearing up the mess my little guy had made and ended up rearraging my bedroom furniture for some reason. Since I was so busy I forgot I was hungry and then I prayed Asr as it was time for it.  Maghrib came @ 7:46 PM and I broke fast with a date and followed it with a salad of thinly diced tomatoes and onions, 1 kebab and white rice.  I started hydrating and went on to pray maghrib.  So all in all it wasn't as bad as I expected. My expectations were that I would spend most of the day laying down with a huge headache and pain like no other. Alhamdulillah it wasn't like that.  My little guy nursed as normal no big deal for him although he was super active as if my milk was laced with heavy caffeine or something.  Ah, to be young again :)

For those interested in my pregnancy fast you can read more below. enjoy :)

When I was pregnant with my little dude my midwives and I made an agreement that I would be allowed to fast only if I take a blood test before the fast and again in the middle of the fast and if anything vital drops, I loose any weight or any complications arise, I would have to quit fasting.  This was very important since I planned to birth at home and if I drop below their requirements they would still attend the birth but it would be at the hospital instead.

The first 3 days were absolutely HORRIBLE! Actually horrible is an understatement, I spent my days weak, with a headache, nausea (alhmadulillah I didn't vomit) and every other ailments a pregnant woman goes through but magnified. On the fourth day things turned around for me and I got a hold of it I breezed right through the whole month.  When it was time to take my vitals again I was A LOT healthier than when I started the fast and had even improved so I was allowed to continue the fast.  What changed for me was that before the fast I would eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and was not eating as healthy as I should have.

Once I started fasting I had to strategically plan ALL my meals so that I wouldn't suffer during the day, I made sure I had healthy food and lots of watermelons for some reason (my little one was a watermelon lover).  My non Muslim midwives were actually surprised at the results but they told me it made sense to them as most pregnant women do not experience as much discomfort as fasting brings, so when they are exposed to it is right when they are giving birth.  Anyway I am just sharing this tidbit because it's my blog and I talk about my life. I do not suggest every pregnant or nursing mother go out and fasts without a proper plan and their doctor/midwife on board.

Aftermath of  Ramadan '08.
My son was born at home a month after Ramadan full term. He weighed 7lbs 2 oz, measured 22 inches and looked healthy and happy.  My labor from the first contraction until he was born was a total of 8 hours.  It wasn't as bad as I expected although it was still painful. The horrible nausea and dizziness I experienced while fasting definitely prepared me to handle discomforts that were out of my control. So I am grateful for the experience.

 DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical doctor and I am not suggesting every pregnant or nursing mother goes out to fast Ramadan without a plan and their doctors/midwives on board. I was greatful to have been able to and I enjoyed my Ramadan very much. Hoping this one is even better. 

wa salaam

August 20, 2009

I am taking a small break

As salaamu Aalaykum,

I have to stop blogging for a little bit (maybe a week or two but, most likely less) it has become my addiction and my businesses are suffering. My forum in parenting has not had any new posts and is basically dying, my eCards sites is not stocked yet with cards for Ramadan and someone kicked my butt by launching their ramadan cards on facebook (mashaAllah, i don't want to give them the evil eye as it was my fault for not being on top of things).  My hijabswappers is not looking to good as few people seem interested.  My other discount and savings site is suffering as I am not following up with the Muslim vendors.

September 1st is my deadline for hijabswappers and October 1st for Frugal Muslim.  They are fast approaching and I am on my blog.

So all in all I need to take a breather before all my efforts from the past year and a half go to waste because I am blogging.  I LOVE BLOGGING.  I will be back! InshaAllah. please make dua for me and my endevours!

wa salaam

Helping out? or eliminating the competition?

I was talking to a friend of mine and the topic ended up on polygyny. I know polygyny is not a joking matter but we somehow ended up laughing until our sides hurt and my sore throat was worst.

Anyway one of the points I brought up that I heard from a neanderthal aka man, was that some men don't consider polygyny UNTIL us women bring it up. So I am like why the hell would a woman do that? I call bull on your story sir. He said that every man wants to feel like a hero and if there is a poor woman out there in need of help they want to 'rescue' her and become heroes. He also said that us women are the ones always talking about sister so and so who is such a good Muslim and can't find a good husband and her job treats her like crap and so does her cat.

So she goes like THAT IS SOO TRUE!! and its my brother in laws fault. I am confused, like WHAT? How did he enter this conversation as I am rolling in laughter. Apparently she has introduced most of her friends to her brother in law for marriage and he has turned them ALL down. One particular sister she took it hard and was ranting to her husband, "what's wrong with him? She is perfect! She is this and that and the answer to men's prayers." Well not exactly in those words but you guys get the drift. So her husband responds, "what if I..." Sister gives him a look of I am going to kill you if you say what I think you gonna say and she was right.

So she asked me this question, when we try to hook up our single friends are we REALLY doing it to help them? or are we eliminating the competition aka the damsel in distress?

Don't give me the eye people

My story sounds great right now and Alhamdulillah I am married to a man I want to be married to, but we still have problems like any other married couple. My life is not a fairy tale and this is one of the few bright spots in my life prior to 2006. I am not going to blog about every little fight I have with my husband but I also don't want you guys thinking I have no problems. So when you read the story of how I met my husband please keep me in your duas. That Allah swt increases the love between my husband and I ameen. that way inshaAllah you would get it too.

side note, I actually had a nasty fight with the hubster a couple of days ago and I was still upset at him when I was writing how we met. Remembering how I felt about him when I first met him was therapeutic. I don't need to hold on to me being angry. It made me think of what I wanted, feeling justified with my nafs? or having a fulfilling, happy marriage? It takes work but I'll take the fulfilling marriage. inshaAllah.

wa salaam

August 18, 2009

If you carry US dollars you have a coke problem

you can read all about it here

A group of scientists tested banknotes from more than 30 cities in five countries, including the United States, Canada, Brazil, China, and Japan, and found "alarming" evidence of cocaine use in many areas.

U.S. and Canadian currency had the highest levels, with an average contamination rate of between 85 and 90 percent, while Chinese and Japanese currency had the lowest, between 12 and 20 percent contamination.

lol. is that why when I rub my eyes after shopping it perks me right up? I didn't even know I was a coke head. That is just wrong. Here I was thinking I was miss goody two shoes because I never used drugs and lo and behold I am snorting like a pro.

My next question is HOW did it infect so much of the currency? I smell a conspiracy theory. So are you a coke head too?

August 15, 2009

Shoot me, I am crazy

When a little girl cries halfway around the world, are her tears any less real?

so. I want more children. **husband runs for the hills** I really do, even if my 9 month (almost 10 months) speed *crawls* circles around me. Even if I can't get enough sleep. Even on the days I do double or triple duty. Even though I cloth diaper him and those diapers need washing by hand as we are not allowed to have a washer (by the landlord).

The children don't have to be my own mind you, I want to adopt and be a foster parent *THUD*
**hubster fainted**. I ALWAYS wanted to adopt or foster and if I hadn't had so many health problems at age 18 I would have fostered since then. Me being Muslim shouldn't get in the way. If anything it made me want to do it even more. You see I am trying to bribe my way in to Jannah and knowing that the beloved of Allah are the poor and the orphans, why not?
"And they feed, for the love of Allah, the poor, the orphan, and the captive..."
[Soorah al-Insaan, 8]
I know its sneaky but I do love the children and my mission in life before Islam was to save at least ONE child. Save them from abuse of all kinds. At first I wanted to save the girls because they seem to be the easiest target and the ones that get abused the most. However, since giving birth to a boy I realized that they need just as much protection as the girls. It's sad but if a girl gets abused (may Allah swt protect the children of the world ameen) there are services for that even if they are inadequate. For boys? non existent. (may Allah swt protect the children of the world ameen)

That being said I realized I can't choose so I will let Allah swt decide for me. If he chooses to bless me with more children whether they are mine or someone else's, He will bring them in to my life without any effort on my part. BUT I SOOO WANT one, or two, or three, or four....

Would you like your heart to soften and Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala to answer your prayers?

A man once came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, and complained that he feels hardness in his heart. The Messenger of Allah said, what translated means, "Would you like that your heart becomes soft and that you acquire what you need? Be merciful with the orphan, pat his head and feed him from what you eat. This will soften your heart, and enable you to get what you need." [At-Tabarani & As-Silsilah as-Sahihah]

but...where is the money going to come from? Allah swt, where everything else comes from. Plus I am launching a couple of my sites and inshaAllah, they become successful. Also their sustenance and my sustenance are written if I run out of sustenance than I don't have to worry about that as I will be dead and beginning my day of judgment. *shudders*

Would you like forgiveness and bounty from Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala?

"The Shaytan promises you poverty and enjoins you on lewdness. But Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knower." [Soorah al-Baqarah, 268]

November is coming and I wanted to get certified for foster care by then, because Nov is the month of unwanted babies. How do I know? Count 9 months back and you get the month of love, February. I have gone to 3 foster open houses in the last 2 years and they confirmed my suspicions. My husband went too and didn't faint only hyperventilated.

This is how I imagine things happen...

Imagine being born, being taken from a safe environment where your temperature was always perfect where you where fed on time. The lights are dim just like you like it, the noises are dulled. Now imagine being born to a place of loud noises and bright lights. You feel cold for the first time and you begin to cry because you feel pain and realized you haven't eaten. Now imagine being abandoned. Now imagine feeling all the above without the ability to understand and rationalize? that is what babies *most likely* go through. I want to cuddle them, to let them know its ok, to give them love and take away their bewilderment. This Ramadan please make dua for the orphans, the poor and the rest of the beloved of Allah swt.

Please make dua for me. Make dua that if fostering and being an adoptive parent is what is best for me and my family in this life and in the hereafter please make it happen. ameen.

There is a child out there waiting for me to pick them up, take care of them and squeeze them with love. I want to be there but I need my hubster to stop fainting when this topic is brought up. Please make dua.

Would you like to be in the enternal Jannah with our beloved Prophet and the best of creation, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam?

"I and the caretaker of the orphan will enter Paradise together like this, raising (by way of illustration) his forefinger and middle finger jointly, leaving no space in between." [Saheeh al-Bukhaari]

I think the time to adopt and foster is NOW when I am in my 20s and have energy. We are not getting any younger. If I die without getting this done, I will be very, very, very bitter and feel like a failure.

August 14, 2009

Tagged 5 things about me

I was tagged by *Samra* from random hijabi to tell you 5 things about me

  1. I am a HUGE Scrubs fan (for the comedy)
  2. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Forensic Files. If Forensic Files was a person, we would already be married. I am a huge fan of it and I can't stand the csi and fake science shows. Give me the real stuff. Shockingly I passed many *ahem* biology and chem or organic chem exams based on stuff I learned on this show. God I love them. Hubby if you are reading this, it would be nice to get it for Eid. I am just saying....
  3. I am married to an Islamic mutt. (add all the countries together and bam you get my husband)
  4. I cut my baby's umbilical cord (not with my teeth) because my husband refused to do it and I wanted it to be special.
  5. I am a nerd. The only 2 "news" shows I take seriously are The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report with Stephen Colbert. All others make me puke.
I tag Gaby Hijabi, Jaz and Skye

PART IV: Soy Musulmana Conversion/Reversion ( VERY LONG POST)



I am 20 years old and enrolled in my sophomore year at a Jesuit University studying biology and history and taking classes on religion as it is part of the core curriculum. I am lonely and I am looking for more meaning in my life besides the $5.50 an hour I make, plus the frequent hospitalizations for near kidney failure that bring me back to life or the peanut butter sandwiches I ration because am broke. One of the most painful experiences I endured was getting potassium through my IV. It BURNS. It actually made me cry. That is HUGE because I rarely cry.

Crying to me back them was for weak people and I am wasn't weak. I would cry the whole 5+ excruciating hours it would be slowed dripped into my wrist. Then I would get 2-3 hours of rest and the process would begin again. The IV would make me go pee, the medicines would make me go pee, and whenever I moved the pain from the IV was so unbearable I would just cry. Turns out Potassium is very reactive and when it touches your blood it BURNS. I am not exaggerating. IT BURNS.

Subhanallah some of my most honest, earnest and intense prayers were done while the potassium burned me. Strapped to my hospital bed I contemplated God, life and suicide.

During this time I was seriously considering converting to Buddhism because it was more of a way of life that I agree with. I also decided not to go further with West Point (even though I love that place) because I didn't want to be responsible for some one's death. I don't want to be an instrument of destruction. Every person you hurt, there is a family you have butchered. What if they had children? or the sole bread winner? I just wouldn't be able to live with myself and knowing that I would never be able to pull the trigger or give the orders to fire I had to let it go. It wasn't fair to the people whose lives would have depended on me as their leader.

I am monotheistic so I knew my only real choices were Judaism, Christianity and Islam. I studied Christianity first as I need to understand what I was leaving behind or if it fit me. I discover that everything I believed in actually took me out of Christianity. For starters I didn't believe Jesus was God. I didn't know what he was but he wasn't God. I thought he was somebody very important and commanded respect but again, I didn't believe he was God. I rejected the trinity as well so even though I would call myself a Christian and identified as a Christian I really wasn't.

During my second semester of religion (first semester, fall of 05, was Christianity exclusively) my teacher a Christian theologian (she was pretty awesome) when the week came to discuss Islam she brought a stack of books. Her whole desk was covered in books about Islam. Being a history major I got really, really excited. You see I LOVE to read history and I LOVE original sources. I reject secondary and tertiary sources if the original source is readily available. So Islam bashing begins, I actually don't mind as I am not particularly fond of a religion that I perceived to be oppressive. What did bother me though was the lack of sources. All of her sources were not Muslim and not in Arabic. To me that was unacceptable. When I wanted to learn about Buddhism I didn't go to my Jewish friend, I went to the Buddhist temple to find out about it from them. When I researched Christianity I went to Christian theologians (readily available in my school), and Jesuit priests (also readily available) both confused me thoroughly by the way.

Anyway she had such hatred for Islam that it interested me. I mean she was a woman who was practical. She loved to think about things, she gave us an example of her decision to get married. When her husband asked her to marry him she didn't answer right away and instead did a pros and cons list and realized there was more pros so she married him. One of the things she kept repeating over and over and over again was when the Prophet (saw) conquered Mecca in a bloodless take over. She would emphasize that it wasn't bloodless because 6 or 10 people died. If just one person dies it still wouldn't have made it bloodless. I really don't know why that bothered her so much.

She would play this video about Christianity where there was sand dunes and a narrator saying, "The most dangerous words ever uttered against Christianity" and then you would hear in Arabic "ASH HADU ALA ILAHA ILLA ALLAH." Just the phrase sent chills up my spine and I was hooked on the video. I wanted to know more and I wanted to research her claims which were serious by the way.

My professor put together a symposium titled something like "a Common Road: The Three Monotheistic Religions" I was one of the first people to arrive to the symposium. The panel consisted of 4 Christian theologians (not from my school), One imam James D. Pavlin (convert from Ireland, part time professor in Rutgers) and a female Rabbi. The Christian theologians went first and I missed nearly everything they said. I think they forgot who their audience was. It was a conference hall full of college students peppered with a few theologians. They were speaking to the theologians so the rest of us actually didn't understand. The Rabbi was pretty awesome herself, me being a feminist was totally happy with how well put together and eloquent she was. Her audience? College students, I understood her. Then came the imam and I wanted to take shahada on the spot. He told the story of zam zam it was very simple to the point and it underlined some of the core beliefs of Islam and I agreed with it. He spoke to my inner 5 year old who loves stories.

He was actually rushed because the 4 theologians by sheer number had taken more than the allotted time yet he still managed to get his point across. After the lecture the speakers were being rushed from the hall in to the banquet hall and of all the speakers the imam had the most college students surrounding him. I approached him and he gave me his card and spoke about his conversion with a charming Irish accent. The Christian theologians must have been a success as well because they were surrounded by my teachers (fellow theologians). The rabbi had the least students so I approached her because I wanted to know how a woman was a rabbi. I mean I was told by the Rabbi I had approached before that I couldn't become Jewish because I wasn't born Jewish and here was a woman who not only converted but became a rabbi.

So I went home to my rented room and thought about everything, my old life, my mom, my new life, do I want to change it? why? after a while I just fell as sleep. When I woke up I had no thoughts actually it was more of feelings. That is the best way I can think of explaining it. F e e l i n g s. I felt that I was Muslim, their beliefs and my beliefs were nearly identical. So why not become one? I answered with a yes and also decided that I would not cherry pick what I would follow. I will wear the scarf. I felt so at peace and just knocked out again.

A couple of days later on April 11th 2006,I went to work teaching literacy at the public library and I phone my brothers. I tell them I am going to become Muslim and if I should tell mom? I also ask them what they think and they answer with, I don't like it. My middle brother (I am the oldest) asks me if there are other religions I considered? I run down the list of religions I considered and why I am rejecting them and we end up with Islam again. He sighs and wishes me luck but tells me NOT to tell my mom as she would just make me feel like crap and probably stop me.

I consider their advice but decide to call my mom anyway. I phoned my mom and that was unusual as my mom and I would go up to 6 months without talking or when I would call her she would say "Can't talk, don't have any minutes." and I would be like WTF??? this is a LAND line woman a LAND LINE! Just say you don't want to talk to me instead of making some bs excuse. She picks up the phone and before she has a chance to say anything I tell her that I am changing religion. She asked me what will change? so I tell her, no clubbing (I would be dragged to clubs), no smoking, (I didn't smoke) no drinking (I hated drinking) and no dating. Her response? GREAT! when are you converting? I tell her on my birthday. She wishes me luck and I hang up with a WTF just happened? WOW! did I just have a civilized conversation with my mother? NO FREAKING WAY!!

So anyway this was in the beginning of April and NJIT had Islamic Week ( I used to go to NJIT for ROTC training). I attended out of curiosity and the event that day (April 11th) was wear a scarf for a day and raise $ for charity. A couple of non Muslim women wore hijab for the day and raised money for charity and afterward they spoke of how they were treated by fellow students, teachers and anyone else they came in to contact. For the most part they liked the experience as they immediately were salaamed by sisters and they loved it. One of them mentioned it was better than a sorority. I was like what are you smoking lady? it's a scarf not a built in community.

The speech was about "Unveiling the veil" or something to that effect and the speaker was a PUERTO RICAN!?! I was like there are spanish people who are Muslim? So after the speech I approach her and a crowd of Muslims surround us. She is asking me questions and I already know the answers so she is impressed. She asks me why don't you take your shahada? and I am like "NO! I need to learn Arabic...I need to learn how to pray...I need to do this and that and go to the moon" and she tells me, you can learn Arabic as you go along and praying as well.

THE REAL reason I didn't want to take my shahada.....short shorts. Don't judge me. You see I had spent the whole winter working out (nothing unusual) I was really in shape and I wanted to show off my hard work. I randomly chose my birthday because it is smack in the middle of summer so I would have had the chance to get the short shorts out of my system. BUT DANG IT. That woman was good and I decide to take my shahada.

The crowd cheers, there are tears and the Puerto Rican's MIL is crying, her husband who is ...ECUADORIAN and Muslim! is pretending that he is not tearing up. I half expected for him to wipe his tears with his beard, I was like please use your beard! please use your beard! Sadly, he didn't.

Then the crowd asks me, "do you feel any different?"

my answer: no.

And that was the truth. The real conversion happened days before as I woke up and had that realization of who I was. This was just a public declaration of faith. I went home a public Muslim. With my dreams of short shorts in tatters. I do what I thought was wudu from what I had researched and prayed my first prayer in Islam. Isha.

The next day I pray fajr, dhur and asr on time using an english translation and lifting the book to read it and placing it down when going to rukuh and sajda. I take the train back to NJIT for the second day of Islamic week and somebody gives me a hijab. One sister asked me, why do you want to wear hijab? and I answered with "Because Allah says so." So somebody ran to their dorm room and donates a hijab to me. May Allah swt reward her with what is best in this life and the hereafter. Ameen. I wore that thing from that day on.

April 13th comes along and I show up to class rocking a hijab. My Christianity teacher and mentor glares at me and is visibly upset. After class she asks me while pacing from one corner of the room to the other why? why didn't you tell me? I could have counseled you. All this time I am thinking but you did. If it hadn't been for you I would have never considered Islam.

Sometimes the best callers to Islam are those who oppose it the most.

There is NO God but Allah.

August 13, 2009

PART III: Soy Musulmana Conversion/Reversion


There was these two Turkish sisters (and I mean blood sisters) one started wearing the hijab when she turned 13 and the other didn't. The one that was closest to me in age (16 years old) was a nasty b!tch to me and others. She was really smart (I mean she was a genius mashaAllah), talented actress and was drop dead gorgeous with selective manners. Her youngest sister was not so lucky in the looks department but was SOOOO sweet I honestly forgot about it until I would see them together and see the huge difference between the two.

So I don't know why I sat next to the younger sister one day and out of nowhere I asked her if she was Muslim. She said yes so I asked her for a copy of the Qur'an. I am a huge history and biology fan which is what I double majored in uni. So she brings what I think is the Qur'an but it basically was 15-30 pg booklet about the Qur'an (but I didn't know any better at the time). She tells me I can't touch it until I wash myself, please don't write in it, don't put it on the floor and finally please give it back to me when you are done. After that whole lists of DON'Ts I honestly lost all interest and I took it just because I don't know how to say no and I had been the one to ask for it.

So I politely wait 3 days and I give it back to her not wanting to discuss it as I hadn't read it. Life moves on and I am talking to my history professor telling him I would love to work for the National Security Agency as a codebreaker and I want to learn Arabic as I thought it was a fascinating language. He tells me that there is a mosque 10 blocks from the school and he is sure they would be more than glad to teach me if I am interested. I pass on the idea only because at the time I was living/working with my mom and I had no free time but I made a mental note to go as soon as I could.


I am 17 years old about 3-4 month until I turn 18. Around this time my mom and I had a showdown (that's for another post), department of youth and family services makes their last appearance in my life and they FINALLY decide that (after 10 years documenting abuse) that there is enough abuse to remove me and my bros from the household. I lie. My mom was nasty to me but she was great with my brothers. Last thing I wanted was for my beloved bros to be put in foster care and potentially be abused so I lied about how my nose was broken or how I was so bruised plus this was in May and by September I would be in college, right? wrong.

My mom decides not to give me my acceptance letters from the universities and colleges I applied to and in the mean time I feel like a colossal failure. She decided that I don't need to go to college instead what I need to do is moved to Florida with her and help her get her life together again and start her factory there. So after loosing out on a couple of FULL scholarships to study whatever the hell I pleased I decide to make the best of it. There is always next year. *sigh* despite what people say about teenagers I think they all want to be accepted and generally do want to please their parents.

We move to Florida it's her birthday (my birthday is 6 days later in July) her 'new' friends are in our apartment for the small get together. It's my turn to bring her gift so I bring it to her she opens it and flings it to the side and starts on a tirade to her new friends about how horrible I am sprinkled with what a slut I am. That hurt like a mother... because I was broke and had spent money on that gift and it was so humiliating to have been rejected so publicly and with people I just met.

I still suck it up and decide that I needed to get a job outside her factory. She finds out and goes ballistic telling me I am not allowed to eat her food, or use her water, matter fact don't even use her toilet (insert profanity here). I still brush it aside until she says this with a grin of satisfaction, "When I spoke to your social worker, I told him that if you accuse (her current husband) of rape or molestation, that you are lying!" She seemed so happy that she had "beaten" me to the punch.

I LOST IT. She knew what had happened to me as a child by people SHE had chosen and by her saying that statement she basically went for my soul there. I would never accuse an innocent person of something so horrible.

I had lost out on scholarships because of her and I decided that I would not take it any longer. I tell her that when I turn 18 I will move out (that is 5 days away). She laughs and taunts me. So I go on a hunger strike for 5 days and I had already called greyhound (couldn't afford plane tickets) and discovered that I couldn't leave on the 19th as it fell on a Saturday and it was just as expensive as a plane ticket). SO I had to wait until Monday and by then I had tracked down the nearest fast food chain and used their toilets and bought me some cheap food that I rationed. Stupid Florida. Nothing is in walking distance.

So Monday arrives and I call my stepfather (my bros dad) who raised me from age 8-14 and I called dad, to let him know I am on my way and if he could rent me a room. His answer, "Let me think about it." Sure you do that. Disappointed I start making out for the door and my mom says that once I step outside her house I am not welcomed back anymore. I shrug and get my butt a taxi and I am on my way to the a greyhound station. Almost free.

On the way back to the tristate area I get pink eye (on both eyes), discover it is contagious after reading my anatomy book and I had already rubbed my other eye. Get in to an accident because morons were playing "too fast and too furious" with the bus driver and cut so sharply we hit them. My trip was supposed to take less than 24hrs but instead it takes 33+ in the summer heat!!

I arrive in the tristate area, I am finally truly free. I am also freaking homeless with biology books and a huge overstuffed black Labrador toy and some clothes. My friend from high school decides to take pity on me and I am allowed to stay with them. I call my mom to let her know I arrived (*sigh* the woman has more control over me than I would like to admit) and I hang up. I take the first university that would take me and off I go. I say "take me" because I am still considered a dependent unless I am
  1. 25 years old
  2. have a kid
  3. get married
  4. join the military as active duty
  5. divorce my mom in court
My life as a human being begins. sorta.

(to be continued...)

August 12, 2009

My eMail is EVIL!

lol. Well not really I just wanted to share the #666 on my email.

PART II: Soy Musulmana Conversion/Reversion


I was 15 years old a sophomore in high school and just arrived in my mom's factory for work. I used to work 8 hours a day sometimes longer besides going to school, doing my homework (managed to be # 15 in a class of 311) cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, helping my bros with homework, babysitting and putting them to bed. My mom usually took this opportunity while I was in the factory to speak badly about me, in front of me, to her workers. I would listen in, hurting but I wouldn't talk back or curse her.

So my mom goes in to a rant about what a slut I am (I don't have a boyfriend and hadn't been kissed), didn't hang out, didn't go to the mall, wasn't allowed to watch tv, listen to the radio, or play with my brother's toys and mine were thrown away. She continue to say that if it wasn't for her I would be on my sixth kid by now. All the while I am thinking "NO. if I was on my 6th kid it would be BECAUSE of you." She had destroyed my self esteem to the point that the first idiot who would have said I think you are pretty or I kinda love you. I would have given them anything and everything. Alhamdulillah I was protected.

She continues with her vicious rant and for some reason she decides to start quoting the bible and that upsets me. I used to go to church by myself and my brothers and she would refuse to go. She gets all holier than you attitude telling ME to repent for my sins and to turn to God as he loves me and has died for my sins. So I respond, "Well, if he already died for me then why do I have to repent to a God who no longer exists and who has already forgiven me? because you did mention he was dead right? and he died for me right?" While I am saying this I am also saying "oh, God please forgive me, I do believe in you but I can't stand this any longer" because I was just saying the previous statement just to contradict my mom. So she flips out and curses me to the lowest level of hell as expected.

Next day I come in to the factory and my station has a book in Spanish titled (loose translation) Man in Search of God. So I laugh, brush it aside and get to work. She starts trying to save my soul while still beating me, yelling profanities, and over all making me suicidal. I never open the book because the hypocrisy of the whole thing was beyond me.


Fast forward to 2007 (I am already Muslim and recently married) I am moving my stuff from my old apartment to move in with my hubby when I come across the book. Just the sight of it reminded me of the incident and I felt a pang of pain in my heart. So while I am telling my husband the story trying not to cry as we actually just met (this story is coming up I promise, inshaAllah) I flip through the book. I am not interested in the rest of the book I go immediately to the section about Islam and my jaw drops.

The section about Islam was the only part of the book that was highlighted and it was accurate, except for translating Muhammad (saw) to Mahoma, the Spanish version of Muhammad. So again Islam was sent to me and I missed the call and the message.

August 11, 2009

PART I: Soy Musulmana Conversion/Reversion

My Conversion/ Reversion Story

I was in El Salvador (my birth place) 5 years old and in kindergarten. You may be surprised to know that El Salvador has a large Christian Palestinian population and we even have some Muslims as well since there are masajid sprinkled there. SubhanaAllah. Anyway, in kindergarten I must have been hot stuff because the girls would give me their snacks (without asking), the boys would bring me gifts (again, without asking for them) and I was the teacher's pet (without trying). I was as cute as a little button.

This Arab boy with a hat (I now know it's called a kufi) used to bring me flowers and speak to me in a very thick Spanish. I actually still remember him. He had a beautiful olive complexion with dark eyes and dark hair, I know standard Arab look but you have to understand, we Salvadorans are pretty light so he stood out from the crowd. All the other girls thought he was just SOOOO cute. Oh, did I mention his family was loaded? and cute?

Any ways I was actually confused about him for a while because his mother was covered and my school was run by nuns and I though she was one cool nun. I mean her habit was just so colorful and different and it matched her skirts, purses and she just looked glamorous. For a while I was convinced she was a nun and possibly a loose one since she had a kid and we ALL know nuns don't do it. ;) Naughty nun.

That was my first brush with Islam.

Side Note: when I was trying to get married this Spanish convert when on and on about how Arab men are taking the Latinas away and I chuckled at the memory of this fine, assertive, 5 year old Arab. That convert brother had no chance, as a Palestininan had already macked it to me in kindergarten. I wonder, whatever happened to him? (the Arab I mean)

This is a map of El Salvador
(it takes about 3hrs to get from one corner to the other)

One of our many volcanoes
(to be continued...)

August 10, 2009

WoOt! WOoT! I have 20 followers and today my blog is 1 month old

ahem. Not that it matters as I write to express myself. Oh, who am I kidding. WoOt! WOoT! I got all excited today cuz I got 20 followers. JazakAllah khayr guys it totally encourages me to keep going.

Also my blog turns one month today. Yeah, they grows up so fast. *tear

oh and

you ladies (and one gent) are the best


Support Sister Bloggers! Sister #1: Gabby Hijabi

MashaAllah, there are a couple of sister bloggers who run their own small business from home and I would like to give them a spot on my blog. So I am introducing a new category Support Sister Bloggers.

Sister #1 is from blog Gabby Hijabi. She has her shop on eBay and is currently selling mainly jewelry. So if you are thinking of buying a gift for yourself or someone else this Eid, stop by her shop!

Sister: Fatima Mousa
Gabby Hijabi
eBay ID frantictreasure

Want to be featured as a sister entrepreneur?
Shoot me an email @ hijabmaster+sisters (@)
The email sounds different? well it is. It is allowed by google and I will explain more in a later post.

August 9, 2009

Think of The Children

Some members of my family are HUGE and I mean HUGE Allen Iverson fans. I mean they vicariously live through the man's life trying to defend their star when people bash him. Personally I think these family members need a life or at the very least to get a blog titled I Have a Man Crush on Iverson. Anyway as one of my family members was going on and on about the horrible personal attacks on Iverson they shared with me a piece of information I never even considered.

You know how we have google and we can search for people? and read all those nasty comments and the oh so funny parodies? Yeah? So can their families.

Imagine Britney Spears's kid googling his mother and finding all the comments from us? Or Jon & Kate Plus 8 kids? Do we consider their feelings? You could be the worst mother, daughter, wife and friend in the world yet to the people that you matter they don't want to hear it. Why are we victimizing them? It is not even Islamic for us to do so and yet we do it so liberally.

Now imagine how their kids feel when they discover all the post you have made about their mother or father. Do you feel happy making this child embarrassed, ashamed and humiliated of their mother or father? True. You didn't force the starlet to do the things they did. However, you can control yourself from further spreading their shortcomings.

Imagine your child googling your name to discover posts titled
  • ( your name) is such a slut.
  • ( your name) considers herself Muslim? PULEEEZ!
  • ( your name) look at what she is wearing. White trash anyone?
I don't think we consider that when we decide to bash celebrities, public officials and athletes (among others) we rarely think of their families. I am guilty of some Britney Spears and other celebrity bashing and I feel ashamed for that. How am I even going to ask them for forgiveness? Like send them a letter of apology? they probably think I am some deranged fan and be smacked with a restraining order. What I am wondering is, Will I be held accountable to Allah swt for things I have typed up on this blog, others or elsewhere on the internet?

Remember, you wouldn't look so flattering if someone was constantly taking a picture of you or filming your every waking second.

You Guys Spoiled Me

I am fairly new to blogging, I didn't care much for blogs and only got started reading them this past March as I was helping a friend launch their site. I am not sure how I landed onӇҿɡɑɓ~Ṙҿɧɑɓ and Mama... I Married a Masri but I was hooked and kept coming back for more. Over the next couple of months I discovered even more fabulous blogs that I happily started to follow. Why, am I sharing this with you? Because Ange and these sisters have spoiled me.

I went looking for more blogs on hijab fashion a couple of days ago and I came across one that had some great hijab pictures and some not so great. I left a comment in one of the post (wasn't nasty, derogatory, screaming haram halal or spitting hadiths) stating that outfit was not flattering. So I come back to this blog because they had a new post and I am still hungry for more hijab fashion and I noticed that a lot of comments were posted but not mine.

I read some more and realized that there was not a single dissenting comment. So I look at other posts and I see the same thing. Why? What is so bad about people saying an outfit doesn't match? So as I am trying to figure out how to stop following them (I wanted to remove them from my dashboard) I realized that although they have been around longer than *~Ange~* and some other Hijab fashion blogs (that I follow), they have just 60 followers. 60, mashallah is still a considerable # but nothing compared to the other, newer blogs I follow. I mean Ange is pretty controversial and yet she has 200+ followers in one blog and 400+ in the other. I wonder why?

I don't think a blog can thrive if you only allow the comments that agree with you. Maybe I am idealistic and naive or maybe the sisters whose blogs I follow have spoiled me by allowing all kinds of comments. I love the fact that Ange allows people to voice their opinions it makes her blog more believable and down to earth. In a way the other sister's blog creep me out. It seemed fake, sterile with a crazy tinge of delusional. I don't buy that no one disagreed with the post. I just don't buy it.

I like reading a blog and then waiting for the different opinions that now doubt will come otherwise, what's the point?

Or am I missing something?

Because if someone is going to get their hijab all in a bunch because someone disagreed with them, then maybe having a blog isn't the best idea. People will disagree with you. It's part of life. It's how our creator made us and it is what makes us all unique. So why are you frightened of a couple of comments?

*** I make a promise that as long as the statement made on my blog is not clearly racist or instigating violence on someone, I will publish it. You have the right to disagree with me.

Agree to disagree?

August 8, 2009


Someone with an ip address I won't name arrived on my blog by searching www.salvadorin porn .com. Interesting. I wished I could have seen the look of their face like wtf? This isn't what I was looking for. lol. What was the weirdest things people searched for when arriving at your blog/site?

Lake Forest, California arrived from on "Trying to Take Over the World!" by searching for www.salvadorin porn .com.

Please Add Warnings to Graphic Posts

I was discovering new blogs today and came across a couple of them who have taken upon themselves to bring attention to the issue of violence against the defenseless, mainly women and children as well as domestic violence in general. I applaud their efforts and I appreciate their work.

However, I think that if you are going to talk about such topics that you should include a warning in your posts. You can even use the warning sign on the right that I generated free of charge (if you decide to mention me that would totally make my day but it is not necessary).

I previously mentioned on this blog that I was raped as a child from the ages of 4-7 on a daily basis. I also survived some heavy duty abuse from my mother and other stuff. I would like to remind sisters (and anyone who is brave enough to discuss violence) that there are people out there who can't stomach these kinds of posts. I don't mean the people who bury their heads in the sand and decide that these kinds of abuses don't occur but the people who have survived such abuses.

There was a time when just reading about abuse would send me in to small panic attacks which usually led to flashbacks which prompted full on panic attacks which escalated in to stronger, violent, very graphic flashbacks. It was a very sad cycle. I greatly appreciated when the author gave me heads up and I could decide if I was strong enough to read it or if avoiding it would be best. Images also speak volumes. Adding graphic images or seeing movies where there was violence against women and children would lead me in to depression and a similar reaction like the one described above usually more severe.

So PLEASE add warnings. People are in different stages of their healing process and sometimes your well meaning post might send them back in their recovery instead of helping them. Knowing that there are people out there who cared enough to write about this topic makes me happy and during my recovery it helped me feel that I wasn't alone and that people did care. So I am not bashing your work, I applaud it but please add a warning.

August 7, 2009

yesterday was a bad day for me

I think I have mentioned before that I have some social anxieties I am trying to work through. One of them is driving while someone is with me, it unnerves me and I become a fumbling idiot. Another one is driving while my little guy is in the back screaming bloody murder.

So the hubby asked me to drop him off somewhere and to drive home. No sooner was the hubby out of the car when the taxi driver who had pulled in to the gas station after us starts staring at me. It wasn't the "I can't believe you are wearing that crap on your face in America" look it was "I like what you wearing can I have your number" look. I was like did you just NOT see the man who left the car and called me hun or the car seat with a baby in the back? This wasn't so bad as he didn't say anything nor make any attempts towards me but it was creepy.

I was nervous about driving hadn't done it in a while, I read the dua and made it home safely and without any problems alhamdulillah. I reach the house and on cue my little guy wakes up and thankfully doesn't scream. I tried to park the car in the lot and end up scratching it. Naturally I was immediately scared because this is the hierarchy in our house,

I am wife #1,
Car is wife #2,
17 inch laptop wife #3 and
15 inch (newly acquired) laptop wife #4.

The car and laptop sometimes move up or down and at times I feel like I do too. My husband also takes extremely good care of his belongings and I don't like messing things up especially if they belong to someone else.

The hubster arrives and I come clean, surprisingly he wasn't upset. When we go check out the damage (I was too chicken to even look) it turns out that the huge white marks I had seen on the mirror just rub off. I was like alhamdulillah! Allahu Akbar! La illaha Illa Allah! It reminded me of the times I walked through tiled floor and my shoes leave scuff marks.

Anyway we decide to go get a bite to eat as our household is fasting and it would be rude to cook, warm up food or to bring takeout to the house. The halal spot we are going to is maybe 4-5 blocks away so we decide to take the stroller and just walk it, instead of wasting time trying to find parking in a highly congested area. As we are walking there I am pushing the stroller (another anxiety of mine is taking the stroller in high traffic areas with speeding cars and pushy peope) and the hubby is right next to me encouraging me as I go along. This guy is coming in my direction and instead of giving me the right of way (the area I was in was nice and smooth and the other one had huge holes) he decides to push right through and in my panic to keep him from falling in to the stroller and on to my baby. I bump in to the hubby who was trying to avoid another oncoming person and I nearly pushed him (hubby) right on to traffic. It was a tight spot.

Anyway hubby gets upset as he was kicking himself for having been distracted and not moving that dude out of the way. He kept fuming the last couple of steps until we arrive at the halal spot and I am telling him not to worry. So we get our food and we are making jokes about life, Arabic sayings mis translated into English and feeding the little one when another jerk enters the place. He reminded me of the people who have no self esteem and sell and use drugs and I don' t mean the big honcho but the foot soldier who is as replaceable as a paper cup. He was with a friend who seem healthier than he was (I can't explain it any better) and wearing cleaner clothing. So the friend is placing an order and the whole time the jerk keeps telling his friend to look at me and is saying some pretty obscene things about me in Spanish. His friend is very polite and refuses to look in my direction and tells his friend to leave me alone as I eat.

For some odd reason the thing that finally made me snap was his last comment about me eating. So I snapped back at him in Spanish. He didn't hear me because my hubby immediately turned around and glared at the guy. So there is an exchange of words between the two with the jerk claiming "No one is talking about you man!" and his friend claiming that the jerk was just talking to him. Anyway the friend pays, grabs the food and quickly gets out of the halal spot looking very embarrassed, while the jerk is still trying to play it off as if he didn't say anything.

This other Latina in the shop looks at my husband and tells him "yeah he was talking about her and nastily too" the shop owner also tried to calm my husband down saying stuff like they are not worth it and so on and so forth.

Hubby and I finish our meal and manage to enjoy it so we take a leasurely stroll home. On the way home the hubby is telling me that he needs to know when things like this happen. I tend to tell him later because he is explosive and whenever someone does or says something to me that doesn't cause me any physical harm I tend to forgive it. Anyway, we are 1 block away from the house when this car on my right catches my attention as he is jerking back and forth so I look out of curiosity. The guy is practically hanging out of his moving car aiming a camera at us.

Now you guys don't know my husband but let me tell you that if there is anything that sends him over the deep end is someone taking his picture. It has very little to do with halal or haram but more with, why are you taking my picture? what are you going to use it for? Who gave you permission? and why the hell do you feel entitled to invade my privacy?

So my husband's initial reaction is to show the man the bird, mean while I am thinking great, this dude now has a picture of a bearded Muslim man accompanied by a niqabi flipping him off. So you would think that once the man has been discovered trying to take a picture that he would have stopped. BUT NO. He kept trying to take our picture and my husband starts going to the guys car and the guy steps on the gas not realizing it is a red light and there are cars in front of him. So he manages not to get in to an accident and lucky for him the light does turn green and he cuts off some other car to get away. The whole time this guy had a nasty smile on his face.

Anyway the hubby later apologizes to me for acting the way he did and if I was upset that he now had a picture of my hubby and to some extent me. So I tell the hubby that no, I am not angry as he can only see my eyes and the rest of me is covered in this awesome khimar (but in black made by the same person). I was worried that the had my husband's face in his camera.

Why do people feel entitled to just randomly take pictures of people? I thought that was illegal unless you were a public figure or an elected official? Anyway I understand that some people will argue with "oh well, when you decide to dress like that you should expect this kind of behavior" That still doesn't make it right. So if a woman decides to bare it all you still don't have the right to take her picture. Just because you can physically do it doesn't mean you should. I am so angry. How dare he do that? and so smugly too. Last thing I remember is his nasty smug smile and that his license plate was from NY.

I am still fuming but alhamdulillah that he doesn't know what I look like. Has anyone taken your picture without permission? and how did you handle it?